Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

nervous puppy · Sep 21, 2019 at 09:18 PM

**** you.
I'm sorry I feel that way. I know that right now you have something personal going on and can't deal with clients. I get that. My emotions don't seem to be able to understand that, though. For that, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'll do if you do decide to see clients again. What's your plan there? Will you be calling or emailing them to let them know? I'm already planning on ignoring you. Would you even care?

Sep 21, 2019 at 10:10 PM

hihihi me misses you

blackocean · Sep 21, 2019 at 10:11 PM

Why do you want to hurt me. You say you don’t. I don’t believe you.

SummerTime12 · Sep 21, 2019 at 10:43 PM

I’m panicking. 8 want to die/ I tried to hurt myself but barely could and then I got dizzy. I can’t take it anymore. You said to reach out but idk if you meant weekend because you don’t do work on weekends. I’m legit having anpn attack and I texted the crisis line and they are taking lo long to reply I can’t do it. I wish it wasn’t sautisay because then I could Reach out to you like yin said to

captgut · Sep 22, 2019 at 06:28 AM

I decided to take a break from my meds.
I'm so tired. I don't deserve to feel good

Lonelyinmyheart · Sep 22, 2019 at 12:53 PM

For God's sake T, I just wanted you to hold me! Not just at the end, but as soon as I blinkin arrived! You couldn't sense that was what I wanted. Last week I shut down and you asked me what I wanted you to say or do, and at the time the pressure wasn't so intense, so I didn't say anything. I got the sense you would have hugged me there and then if I'd asked, or sat with me or something. Today I desperately needed that, just to calm things down inside me, but I couldn't ask and you didn't say anything so I sat there with the pressure inside boiling over until I thought I was going to pass out or puke. And when you finally did hold me I felt I just couldn't bear to let you go, ever! I wish you'd done that earlier, it was all I wanted. I'm so scared that if I say this you will say no, one hug only. Or stop hugs altogether. And then what?

Echos Myron redux · Sep 22, 2019 at 01:43 PM

I just want to say that I miss you. Like, a lot.

SummerTime12 · Sep 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM

I emailed you like you said to. I don’t even know if you’ll see it til tomorrow. I kind of don’t really care anymore. I don’t even care about my homework, or anything. I just want to die. I don’t even know.

Lonelyinmyheart · Sep 22, 2019 at 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I emailed you like you said to. I don’t even know if you’ll see it til tomorrow. I kind of don’t really care anymore. I don’t even care about my homework, or anything. I just want to die. I don’t even know.

Summer I just wanted to say please keep safe. I hope it is okay to respond to your msg..please ignore me if it isn't. But I wanted to let you know it's okay to pm me if you think talking to someone else might help.

SummerTime12 · Sep 22, 2019 at 04:18 PM

Thank you lonely. I probably will take you up on that. I’m just really struggling right now.

NP_Complete · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:22 AM

I'm sorry you were sick today. I hope you feel better. Does it make me a bad person that part of that sentiment is that I need you to come to work tomorrow? But I really do hope you're feeling better.

SummerTime12 · Sep 23, 2019 at 04:26 AM

I’ve been sitting on these feelings all weekend, doing everything I can to not act. I’ve used the crisis text line a bunch, I talked to my friend, I even emailed you. I don’t know if you saw it. I still feel the same and

Possible trigger:

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to deal with this **** anymore. I hate myself so much. I’m sorry for being so f***** up. I’m literally so tempted to jump in front of a train right now it’s not even funny. I feel like every night I hear a **** ton of trains going by except for tonight, what the hell is up with that. I’m trying not to be stupid but it’s so mfing hard when nothing’s helping

velcro003 · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I’ve been sitting on these feelings all weekend, doing everything I can to not act. I’ve used the crisis text line a bunch, I talked to my friend, I even emailed you. I don’t know if you saw it. I still feel the same and

Possible trigger:

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to deal with this **** anymore. I hate myself so much. I’m sorry for being so f***** up. I’m literally so tempted to jump in front of a train right now it’s not even funny. I feel like every night I hear a **** ton of trains going by except for tonight, what the hell is up with that. I’m trying not to be stupid but it’s so mfing hard when nothing’s helping

i hope you stay safe, summer.

Lemoncake · Sep 23, 2019 at 07:21 AM

I actually think this could be good for me, but I'm scared at the same time.

Lemoncake · Sep 23, 2019 at 09:15 AM

BTW R- just saying I feel like you could have seen me THIS week as school starts in 7 days. The image of my timetable i sent you started on the 30th and I told you that date too .

Lemoncake · 11:35 AM

I get it but I don't get it.

Zero slots apart from this pricey one?

I feel like you don't want me either.

I'm going to stop whinging now.

I have food in my fridge, a roof over my head. I've got a lot to be grateful for but I just feel so sad.

SlumberKitty · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:20 PM

Dear T: my pastor who is also a T wants to see me for two sessions just to do some tweaking of my thoughts. He's big on CBT. You know I don't like CBT. But when I'm desperate for something to help, I'm willing to try anything. I have to ask you though, because he doesn't want to mess up anything we're doing. I don't know how you'll take it. Kit

Mountaindewed · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:24 PM

T cancelled once again cause her kid is sick. Her kids are always sick. Just quit your ****ing job and become a stay at home mom and stop wasting my time. She rescheduled for Wednesday

Echos Myron redux · Sep 23, 2019 at 02:02 PM

How are you going to feel about the fact I found a picture of you on your daughter's Instagram?

CartDown · Sep 23, 2019 at 02:40 PM

Thanks, I needed that!

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 21, 2019 at 10:10 PM #2 hihihi me misses you
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blackocean Member Member Since Aug 2018 Location: USA Posts: 244 5 28 hugs given	Sep 21, 2019 at 10:11 PM #3 Why do you want to hurt me. You say you don’t. I don’t believe you.
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captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Sep 22, 2019 at 06:28 AM #5 I decided to take a break from my meds. I'm so tired. I don't deserve to feel good
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Sep 22, 2019 at 01:43 PM #7 I just want to say that I miss you. Like, a lot.
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SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Sep 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM #8 I emailed you like you said to. I don’t even know if you’ll see it til tomorrow. I kind of don’t really care anymore. I don’t even care about my homework, or anything. I just want to die. I don’t even know.
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SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Sep 22, 2019 at 04:18 PM #10 Thank you lonely. I probably will take you up on that. I’m just really struggling right now.
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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,816 7 6,364 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 01:22 AM #11 I'm sorry you were sick today. I hope you feel better. Does it make me a bad person that part of that sentiment is that I need you to come to work tomorrow? But I really do hope you're feeling better.
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 07:21 AM #14 I actually think this could be good for me, but I'm scared at the same time. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 09:15 AM #15 BTW R- just saying I feel like you could have seen me THIS week as school starts in 7 days. The image of my timetable i sent you started on the 30th and I told you that date too . __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,431 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,867 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 01:24 PM #18 T cancelled once again cause her kid is sick. Her kids are always sick. Just quit your ****ing job and become a stay at home mom and stop wasting my time. She rescheduled for Wednesday __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 02:02 PM #19 How are you going to feel about the fact I found a picture of you on your daughter's Instagram?
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CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 02:40 PM #20 Thanks, I needed that!
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