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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,737
5 
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Sep 20, 2019 at 03:15 PM
#781
You're jealous that I am working with someone else on somatic stuff. I saw and heard it. The question is whether I am brave enough to bring that observation into the room because I am sure as shandy-dandy-McRandy-tandy that you aren't brave enough.
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 Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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5 117.7k hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 03:18 PM
#782
Dear T: I wish I could see you today to just bolster those feelings I had from Wednesday's session. I feel a bit worse today and I'm worried about slipping into Suicidal feelings again. I could call you but it's not a crisis (yet). Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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| downandlonely, Lemoncake, Lonelyinmyheart, nervous puppy, Out There, WarmFuzzySocks
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Introvert Extraordinaire
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 2,184
10 3,389 hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 06:52 PM
#783
T1,
I was right, this is gigantic b.s. I absolutely need to learn to trust my instincts. __________________ "Take me with you, I don't need shoes to follow, Bare feet running with you, Somewhere the rainbow ends, my dear." - Tori Amos |
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| atisketatasket, Lemoncake, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: England
Posts: 11,355
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Sep 20, 2019 at 07:08 PM
#784
It wasn't my fault.
__________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing " |
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| Lemoncake, Lonelyinmyheart, nervous puppy, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 09:39 PM
#785
I don't really think it's immature to want my life to be my own. That was a ******** comment on your part. In my shoes I think you would feel the same way. You wouldn't be leaping at the chance to share every little thing in your life with C. And I wouldn't call you immature for that.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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 Anonymous45127, blackocean
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,843
12 3,163 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 03:05 AM
#786
Yesterday was a Good Day. So, why are my shoulders still around my ears?
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| Lemoncake, nervous puppy, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,784
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Sep 21, 2019 at 05:37 AM
#787
I don't know what I want.
To see you or not to see you. Yes I'm still obviously doing the push pull thing.
Possible trigger:
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| Anonymous43207, Lonelyinmyheart, nervous puppy, Out There, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Anonymous45127
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: hanging from a cloud
Posts: 3,002
4 192 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 08:16 AM
#788
I'm trying to think logically and stop being as impulsive as these last weeks. I hope you are proud...
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| nervous puppy, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 876
11 601 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 08:49 PM
#789
I don’t feel safe
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| Lonelyinmyheart, malika138, nervous puppy, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 322
7 567 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 08:57 PM
#790
I don’t know whether to email you or not. Why am I so freaked about this decision. What is wrong with me.
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| Lonelyinmyheart, nervous puppy, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 322
7 567 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 09:01 PM
#791
Seriously I’m losing my mind trying to decide. This is so dumb.
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: somewhere west of Lake Michigan
Posts: 995
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Sep 21, 2019 at 09:18 PM
#792
**** you.
I'm sorry I feel that way. I know that right now you have something personal going on and can't deal with clients. I get that. My emotions don't seem to be able to understand that, though. For that, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'll do if you do decide to see clients again. What's your plan there? Will you be calling or emailing them to let them know? I'm already planning on ignoring you. Would you even care? |
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| downandlonely, Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Anonymous45127
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Sep 21, 2019 at 10:10 PM
#793
hihihi me misses you
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 244
5 28 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 10:11 PM
#794
Why do you want to hurt me. You say you don’t. I don’t believe you.
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 876
11 601 hugs
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Sep 21, 2019 at 10:43 PM
#795
I’m panicking. 8 want to die/ I tried to hurt myself but barely could and then I got dizzy. I can’t take it anymore. You said to reach out but idk if you meant weekend because you don’t do work on weekends. I’m legit having anpn attack and I texted the crisis line and they are taking lo long to reply I can’t do it. I wish it wasn’t sautisay because then I could Reach out to you like yin said to
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| captgut, downandlonely, Lonelyinmyheart, malika138, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Here
Posts: 1,731
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Sep 22, 2019 at 06:28 AM
#796
I decided to take a break from my meds.
I'm so tired. I don't deserve to feel good |
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| downandlonely, Lonelyinmyheart, NP_Complete, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Anonymous45127
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
7 409 hugs
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Sep 22, 2019 at 08:40 AM
#797
First of all I am dreading your return on Thursday already. Although it has been wonderful to have a break 10 days are just flying by and I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I should. I'm sure you will not be happy with as you shouldn't.
My sleep patterns are still not where they should be. I have 4 more days. Ugh. Why am I such a loser. I have not journaled once. Sorry. On another note, you will be happy to hear that I have been feeling better and have actually laughed out loud a few times. The musical was hysterical and I'm glad I went. Now for the bad news. I am wanting to quit therapy again because I feel like I am better and as good as I'm going to get. I know you don't agree with that but it doesn't take much of an improvement for me to think that way. Regretfully I will see you this Thursday again. I hope you enjoyed your time away from me. You certainly deserved it (so did I...LOL). |
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
4 1,732 hugs
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Sep 22, 2019 at 12:53 PM
#798
For God's sake T, I just wanted you to hold me! Not just at the end, but as soon as I blinkin arrived! You couldn't sense that was what I wanted. Last week I shut down and you asked me what I wanted you to say or do, and at the time the pressure wasn't so intense, so I didn't say anything. I got the sense you would have hugged me there and then if I'd asked, or sat with me or something. Today I desperately needed that, just to calm things down inside me, but I couldn't ask and you didn't say anything so I sat there with the pressure inside boiling over until I thought I was going to pass out or puke. And when you finally did hold me I felt I just couldn't bear to let you go, ever! I wish you'd done that earlier, it was all I wanted. I'm so scared that if I say this you will say no, one hug only. Or stop hugs altogether. And then what?
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| downandlonely, Lemoncake, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,162
6 1,834 hugs
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Sep 22, 2019 at 01:43 PM
#799
I just want to say that I miss you. Like, a lot.
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 876
11 601 hugs
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Sep 22, 2019 at 01:56 PM
#800
I emailed you like you said to. I don’t even know if you’ll see it til tomorrow. I kind of don’t really care anymore. I don’t even care about my homework, or anything. I just want to die. I don’t even know.
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| Lonelyinmyheart, Out There, SlumberKitty
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