Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

Lonelyinmyheart · Sep 22, 2019 at 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I emailed you like you said to. I don’t even know if you’ll see it til tomorrow. I kind of don’t really care anymore. I don’t even care about my homework, or anything. I just want to die. I don’t even know.

Summer I just wanted to say please keep safe. I hope it is okay to respond to your msg..please ignore me if it isn't. But I wanted to let you know it's okay to pm me if you think talking to someone else might help.

SummerTime12 · Sep 22, 2019 at 04:18 PM

Thank you lonely. I probably will take you up on that. I’m just really struggling right now.

NP_Complete · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:22 AM

I'm sorry you were sick today. I hope you feel better. Does it make me a bad person that part of that sentiment is that I need you to come to work tomorrow? But I really do hope you're feeling better.

SummerTime12 · Sep 23, 2019 at 04:26 AM

I’ve been sitting on these feelings all weekend, doing everything I can to not act. I’ve used the crisis text line a bunch, I talked to my friend, I even emailed you. I don’t know if you saw it. I still feel the same and

Possible trigger:

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to deal with this **** anymore. I hate myself so much. I’m sorry for being so f***** up. I’m literally so tempted to jump in front of a train right now it’s not even funny. I feel like every night I hear a **** ton of trains going by except for tonight, what the hell is up with that. I’m trying not to be stupid but it’s so mfing hard when nothing’s helping

Lemoncake · Sep 23, 2019 at 07:21 AM

I actually think this could be good for me, but I'm scared at the same time.

Lemoncake · Sep 23, 2019 at 09:15 AM

BTW R- just saying I feel like you could have seen me THIS week as school starts in 7 days. The image of my timetable i sent you started on the 30th and I told you that date too .

Lemoncake · 11:35 AM

I get it but I don't get it.

Zero slots apart from this pricey one?

I feel like you don't want me either.

I'm going to stop whinging now.

I have food in my fridge, a roof over my head. I've got a lot to be grateful for but I just feel so sad.

velcro003 · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I’ve been sitting on these feelings all weekend, doing everything I can to not act. I’ve used the crisis text line a bunch, I talked to my friend, I even emailed you. I don’t know if you saw it. I still feel the same and

Possible trigger:

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to deal with this **** anymore. I hate myself so much. I’m sorry for being so f***** up. I’m literally so tempted to jump in front of a train right now it’s not even funny. I feel like every night I hear a **** ton of trains going by except for tonight, what the hell is up with that. I’m trying not to be stupid but it’s so mfing hard when nothing’s helping

i hope you stay safe, summer.

SlumberKitty · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:20 PM

Dear T: my pastor who is also a T wants to see me for two sessions just to do some tweaking of my thoughts. He's big on CBT. You know I don't like CBT. But when I'm desperate for something to help, I'm willing to try anything. I have to ask you though, because he doesn't want to mess up anything we're doing. I don't know how you'll take it. Kit

Mountaindewed · Sep 23, 2019 at 01:24 PM

T cancelled once again cause her kid is sick. Her kids are always sick. Just quit your ****ing job and become a stay at home mom and stop wasting my time. She rescheduled for Wednesday

Echos Myron redux · Sep 23, 2019 at 02:02 PM

How are you going to feel about the fact I found a picture of you on your daughter's Instagram?

CartDown · Sep 23, 2019 at 02:40 PM

Thanks, I needed that!

nervous puppy · Sep 23, 2019 at 04:11 PM

F***, f***, f***, f***, f***.!!! you emailed that you are seeing clients again. You gave me a couple options. I don't want to respond. How do I act like an adult when my emotions are feeling like I'm 6??? F***!!!!!!! I don't know what to do.
Shame is going to keep me away. And shame might force me back. F*** emotions. F*** depression.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 23, 2019 at 04:30 PM

Feeling raw tonight, trying to logic myself out of it, but it's not working.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 23, 2019 at 06:43 PM

Dear T,
Some stuff today brought out paternal feelings toward you. I think it felt like you were trying to be sort of protective of me, in a way. Or that you were worried about me. And you hid your face behind your hand at one point. Were you trying to conceal emotion? I don't know. I just know I'm having warm, fuzzy thoughts toward you. In a way it's nice. But it also scares me a little.

Love,
LT

nottrustin · Sep 23, 2019 at 07:10 PM

Sigh. I miss you like crazy. When will the shock I will never see you again and the pain end?

velcro003 · Sep 23, 2019 at 08:58 PM

Kit: If she's any sort of good T, she won't mind you getting extra support.

Lemoncake · Sep 24, 2019 at 02:44 AM

You're allowed to charge whatever you want.

But I am not going to sit and cry.

Lemoncake · Sep 24, 2019 at 03:22 AM

Or maybe I should stay but just see you every 2-3 weeks?

kumy · Sep 24, 2019 at 06:39 AM

Today I'll be really brave and I will not hide myself.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Sep 22, 2019 at 04:18 PM #802 Thank you lonely. I probably will take you up on that. I’m just really struggling right now.
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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,824 7 6,367 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 01:22 AM #803 I'm sorry you were sick today. I hope you feel better. Does it make me a bad person that part of that sentiment is that I need you to come to work tomorrow? But I really do hope you're feeling better.
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,790 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.3k hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 07:21 AM #805 I actually think this could be good for me, but I'm scared at the same time. __________________
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,790 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.3k hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 09:15 AM #806 BTW R- just saying I feel like you could have seen me THIS week as school starts in 7 days. The image of my timetable i sent you started on the 30th and I told you that date too . __________________
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,790 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.3k hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 11:19 AM #807 I get it but I don't get it. Zero slots apart from this pricey one? I feel like you don't want me either. I'm going to stop whinging now. I have food in my fridge, a roof over my head. I've got a lot to be grateful for but I just feel so sad. __________________ Last edited by Lemoncake; Sep 23, 2019 at 11:35 AM..
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,759 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,985 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 01:24 PM #810 T cancelled once again cause her kid is sick. Her kids are always sick. Just quit your ****ing job and become a stay at home mom and stop wasting my time. She rescheduled for Wednesday __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,165 6 1,836 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 02:02 PM #811 How are you going to feel about the fact I found a picture of you on your daughter's Instagram?
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CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 02:40 PM #812 Thanks, I needed that!
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nervous puppy Grand Member Member Since Dec 2014 Location: somewhere west of Lake Michigan Posts: 995 9 2,393 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 04:11 PM #813 F*, f, f, f, f.!!! you emailed that you are seeing clients again. You gave me a couple options. I don't want to respond. How do I act like an adult when my emotions are feeling like I'm 6??? F!!!!!!! I don't know what to do. Shame is going to keep me away. And shame might force me back. F emotions. F* depression.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 07:10 PM #816 Sigh. I miss you like crazy. When will the shock I will never see you again and the pain end? __________________
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Sep 23, 2019 at 08:58 PM #817 Kit: If she's any sort of good T, she won't mind you getting extra support.
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,790 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.3k hugs given	Sep 24, 2019 at 02:44 AM #818 You're allowed to charge whatever you want. But I am not going to sit and cry. __________________
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,790 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.3k hugs given	Sep 24, 2019 at 03:22 AM #819 Or maybe I should stay but just see you every 2-3 weeks? __________________
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kumy Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2019 Location: hanging from a cloud Posts: 3,002 4 192 hugs given	Sep 24, 2019 at 06:39 AM #820 Today I'll be really brave and I will not hide myself.
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