Extremely upset after receiving new diagnosis

The lady in the office told him that I made a comment about rather being dead so he called me but I didn’t like his tone. So I ended up more upset. I emailed him with a list of reasons of why I’m thinking of quitting. I hope we can work it out but it takes 2 to work it out.

What are you trying to work out? You aren’t a couple. He is a doctor and you are a patient. Perhaps you really need to have a psychiatrist and a therapist separately. Is he officially providing therapy or those are doctor visits that you just call it therapy?

Don’t worry about liking him. Think strictly of what health care he provides.

Sorry hope for the misunderstanding.

@Divine Her psychiatrist is providing therapy and meds. If I remember correctly, he told her that he wouldn't see her for only meds. Is that right Hope?

That’s actually insulting because I’m not an idiot. I didn’t mean work it out in that context. I meant work it out in the doctor/patient therapeutic alliance.

That is right. When I first began, it was only for meds. Then after I asked him to do my therapy and we started on that, he wouldn’t let me go back to just meds.

It can be difficult to correctly interpret tone over the phone (or email/text) because you don't have any body language or facial expressions to go with it. I imagine he was concerned about you, so his tone may have been worried, which could be easy to misread as annoyed or frustrated. I have a tendency to ascribe tones to people based on what I'm afraid they're thinking about me. It's something I'm working on quite a bit with my current T, and he's really helping me with it. Like, if I feel that he (or someone else in my life) is annoyed with me, I just ask them instead of assuming, Usually I'm wrong (or they might be annoyed about something that has nothing to do with me, like just in a bad mood). It could be something good to discuss with your T.

Great points! Momentary emotions can really distort perception and it can be hard to recognize while in it unless someone is very aware of the tendency and actively questions their perceptions. I can imagine this being a problem for you as well, Hope, not only in regards to therapy/Ts but when you get into that mindset that other people are upset with you, including on this forum sometimes. I think these things are basically mental projections and emotions like anxiety, anger or shame can be especially powerful to generate them.

Dearest Hope

I have not read every post you have made, but I remember reading some.
And I wanted to chime in, I really feel for you and hope things will get better soon.

A diagnosis is just a work-tool. Years ago someone in kindergarden wanted to label my son with aspergers. (Today, years later, he is perfectly fine) Anyway, he was really sensitive and intelligent and didn’t play the same way as others. I told the staff: I don’t believe he has aspergers, but it doesn’t matter- if the solution will work for him, you can name it whatever you want.
Thing is- if it works, it is a good thing. If it doesn’t do any harm, it is worth trying.

I agree you have traits of the diagnosis. But: does it help if you think about the traits a little different? You don’t strike me as a bad person at all (not saying people with mental illnesses are bad persons), you don’t seem to be rude to others. The traits you have seems to mostly affect and hurt yourself. Your story is that you have been neglected in so many ways, you are hurting from it. It’s not your fault, it is the result of your story.

There is a art form called Kintsugi (you can google if you want to see pictures). It is when broken things are fixed using gold. Instead of seeing it as broken goods, they are enhanced from what once broke them.

«Kintsugi is a Japanese art form in which breaks and repairs are treated as part of the object's history. Broken ceramics are carefully mended by artisans with a lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. The repairs are visible — yet somehow beautiful. Kintsugi means "golden joinery" in Japanese.»

I truly believe the psychiatrist only wants to help you. Let him help you mend your broken pieces, let him help you heal.

It is hard, and it will get harder. But he is there with you. One day you will realize you are progressing into something better. You will grow and you will feel better.
It will be stormy and you will feel like you can’t do it anymore. But that is when progress is made, that is when you need to trust in him and let him guide you.

Focus on the fact that he is there to help you, and try not to fixate on diagnosis. It doesn’t matter. What matter is that you deserve to feel better.



All the best,

Cornucopia

Thanks for clarifying. I wondered if he bills it differently as therapy session versus doctors appt. Just trying to understand what’s the best here

I am sorry. Most certainly I don’t mean to insult you and you aren’t an idiot. In the past you tried to establish personal friendships with health care professionals so I became concerned reading that comment and it appears I misunderstood it.

I hope things work out well and you continue getting treatment from him the best way possible. You can do it and this pdoc sounds very insightful and knowledgeable and he shows sincere concern for your well being.

I think you should stay with this pdoc and work on
whatever he suggests.

I really liked how you explained the way my psychiatrist would help me. That was very heartwarming. Thank you.

I’m trying to get over being upset at him. So can everyone help me out and help me list the good things about him.

He is genuinely concerned about your well being (re checking up on you and allowing you various forms of contacts)

He makes an effort to see you when you are in crisis even if it’s not your regular appt time

He made an effort to diagnose you which means he pays attention to your symptoms and observe you, he doesn’t just goes through the motions


He doesn’t have to provide therapy. He could just see you for meds but he seems to be seriously invested in helping you

I’m so scared to go to my session this week. What if he hates me now?

He doesn't hate you. I'm sure he's trying to think of a way to help you and to make you trust him.

So do you think he may be trying to think of ways to help me cope with this and to help me trust him so he can help me?

I feel bad for my behavior about this and the constant telling him that he was wrong and repeatedly telling him that I was going to get a second opinion. I feel horrible.

He’s a good guy. I’m so sorry that he has to deal with me.

Hope, the best thing you can do now for both of you is to just go to yoyr bext session and say you are ready to get started. Ask him where to start and be an active participant in your recovery.

The quicker you take that first step and start to work on yourself, the quicker your pain will lessen and this constant push pull with your pdoc will improve as well.

You are both in it together. He will guide you through as long as you let him.

Hate or like or dislike are not part of the equation here.

He is a doctor and you are a patient. He is concerned for your well being from a professional stand point, he provides professional service.

Go see him and ask how you can start to get better.

As about him “dealing with you”. He is a psychiatrist. His job is to deal with mental health issues and part of it is dealing with people with those issues. That’s what he studied for and chose to do for a living.

Yes you can seek second opinion but it means you need several sessions over prolonged period of time with a new psychiatrist. Can you afford two psychiatrists? with no job?

Just go see this doc and get help. You can do it

Have you been able to talk with your t/pdoc about your concern that you actually have C-PTSD or Bipolar Disorder?

The way you say it makes it sound cold. He’s paid to care so I don’t have to care if I quit.

You asked for people to help you list the good things about him. Divine gave you several good points, yet somehow you turned it negative.

What went wrong? Maybe reread her post and try again?

He is concerned about your well being. I don’t think it’s cold. I personally don’t believe he does it just because he gets paid.

So hopefully he can help you. Good luck.