Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

I just got home from my assessment at a different hospital. I rescheduled to this morning instead of yesterday since I had to do 6th grade orientation with my son at his new school.
It went not as I expected but I'm also glad nothing was forced. The lady said I was on the cusp of either inpatient or partial hospitalization, and gave me the choice. I'm glad that at least this way I'm not risking missing out on my kids' first days of school next week. I'm not sure how it'll work with seeing T, which gives me anxiety because I feel like I'm being passed onto someone else and I'm too much for anyone to want to deal with right now.

Hugs, NP and SheHulk.

I didn't get to talk to my parents about feeling suicidal last night because they had company. So I did some self care and bought dinner out and then went to a friends house and watched a movie with her. Then I took her to get her medication at the pharmacy and then we bought ice cream. By that time I was tired and went home and slept. I'm not feeling well at all today. Definitely still depressed and suicidal but maybe not quite as much. Hard to tell for sure. The temptation to SH is high because I know I would get some relief from these feelings but I'm trying to remember that I gain emotional stability when I don't SH even though that's not what it feels like right now. Hmmm. Need to talk to T more about that. Today is exhausting even though I slept in until 6:00 AM. Everything feels too hard. Sigh. Oh well. I just gotta push through it. Pull myself up by the bootstraps and keep going. Too bad I'm wearing loafers, not boots.

I absolutely believe there is a power imbalance in therapy and the one with the greater power, especially to do harm, is the therapist. It would be a red flag for me if T said I had more power. That’s not to say I don’t have some but the bulk is with the T.

I guess im looking at it like economics, micro and macro. Maybe they have macro power, but what is the micro power? The standup fight seems like a micro power fight. What does winning it prove? Like win the battle but lose the war.

H has come down with the man-flu and is currently pouting on the couch and doing these huge, over-reacting sneezes that are more like shouting "Ahhh-CHOO!!! OHHHOHHHOHHHOHHH" so I went out on my lunch break and bought him some cold meds and those jelly fruit slice candy things and told him "and here's your spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down."

That got me thinking about therapy and the therapeutic relationship. Is my relationship with L, the "spoonful of sugar" that helps me do the hard work of therapy?! And just like me being overweight because I eat too much tasty, sugary food, am I indulging too much in the relationship too, and not enough of the work? Just musing here.

SheHulk and SlumberKitty, I just want to say that I admire your strength. It's so hard to go about your day to day living when you feel that way, and you're doing it.

Before my boss went on vacation, he explained what to do during that time to me. We have this string of numbers that identifies something. He explained how there's three parts to it, something in the front, middle and end. The next day I asked him whether I had written down correctly which part goes at the end. He was like 'what, no, we don't need anything at the end, there's only two parts to it'.

Queue today, four weeks later. I've been working for four weeks under the assumption there'd be two parts. He goes 'you can scrap everything you've done, do it differently' and I find out that it indeed doooes have three parts aaaand I wrote it down correctly. Plus he seems to be too stupid to realize that it's not my fault, but his. Why did I end up with the most stupid person in the company as my boss -.-?

I am annoyed at my hair today it is doing it's normal thing every time I try to grow it out - instead of growing longer, it just grows thicker. Trying to just be happy that it at least does that.

And related to absolutely nothing in particular, I think that Katherine Moennig is totally hot. Just sayin.

Eta: I wonder if Shane could cut my hair so it would behave hahaha

I would say it is the opposite - the client has the macro power - they can walk away at any time for any reason and not say boo about it.
The therapist has control of the space, time, fee, whatever the hell it is that they actually do etc - micropowers. That is why is is so disempowering on an appointment to appointment basis. I think finally quitting rather than letting the therapist continue their micropower games is winning the war.

And for something completely different - I have been practicing my chicken trussing skills.

Pretending the chickens are 'those guys'?

I am going to run a spit through them and roast them on the grill.

Aha. A variant on gril'dren, then....

Everyone has their own trials and tribulations. And I want to help people when they're struggling. I just wished that people would do the same for me.

I’m so glad the Couch is now seeing the world in economic terms! I have not lived in vain.

And what about your chicken lassoing skills?

Now I am picturing sd in cowboy boots chasing chickens around with a tiny lasso...

I'm wondering if the statin I started taking on Friday could somehow be causing the severe worsening of my depression. I also started taking fish oil with the statin as prescribed by my GP. This is the only thing I've done differently, and I'm just wondering if this could be the cause of my distress. I see my pDOC on the 19th and I could ask him then. I just hope if it is the statin, that it sorts itself out after my body gets used to it, and doesn't get worse. I don't think I could handle worse. I read the pamphlet that came with the medication and it did not mention any psychiatric side effects. But also the pharmacist didn't talk to me when they gave me the med, which they are supposed to do because it is a new medication. Anyone know?

Sending hugs.

Therapists have a duty to be very careful about this, and to listen properly. It would be far too easy to impose their own opinions. They are made aware of this during training, but I don't know how deeply the lesson penetrates.

P.S. If the patient believes that there is a power imbalance, then there is.

If the patient is intimidated, she will not stand up for herself and the result is exactly the same as if the therapists had power over her.

It is easier for managers to blame their staff than to do their jobs properly.

Finally! A problem i can solve!

Grilled t's? Yum!

I have since around 1990. I did have some life experience before i met you, sweet girl.

And we wonder why half the couch is up in the wee hours with nightmares shouting cool whip?

Do you want to say which pill? Many statins are kinda hard on a person. They make you weak or achey, but not really noticeably so? So it was hard for me to distinguish it from depression. Also, if my "water" is off, like if i am retaining fluid and need to take my diuretic, then taking my diuretic FEELS like taking a tranquilizer dart! I mean, in an hour i start feeling better.