Does your therapist tell you where they’re going on vacation?

Former T used to tell me. Not specifics but general locations and length of time away. It was helpful to know if she was out of the country or just on the other side of the country. I liked to watch the news to look for plane crashes on the days I know she traveled. When I revealed that, she took to texting me that she got there okay. Or emailing me if she was out of country. Current T I have no idea. I don't know when she travels and I don't know where she goes. I know one of her sons lives in San Diego but that's maybe 2.5 or 3 hours from here so she could easily do that on the weekend. I think her other son lives in CA as well. I did recently find out she had grandchildren when she revealed it in session.

She did because she just happens to be going to the same vacation spot that I am going to but a week early.

I do this too. It's not something I've ever told a T, but current T allows text contact so I can check with her that she arrived okay.

My T has volunteered where she was going for at least one trip that I can remember. I do not ask, and don't really care where she is going. She's away next week, so I guess I'll see if she tells me tomorrow when I see her.

yes. she also sends me pictures. she goes great places.

When I asked about pets recently (after discussing various pets I'd thought about getting, and he recommended a few), I asked my T if he had any pets. He just said "We have a few" without any specifics. Maybe he'd have said if I asked. But I feel like normally when you ask someone, "Do you have any pets?" They'd reply with something specific, like "I have a dog and a cat."

First T did not and it never occurred to me to inquire. He frequently puts details of his life on his public social media, so I could sometimes see where he went from there, if I cared. Second T never took a vacation during the time I saw him (was less than a year), but we quite frequently talked about travel and our experiences briefly because both of us like traveling and have done quite a bit over the years. It was more me taking breaks due to travel, both on business and for pleasure, I told him about my vacations and sometimes he gave me tips when he had already been to an area I was planning. I also gave him some tips when he expressed he would like to go to some of my travel destinations. These discussions about travel often turned into quite interesting psychological talk, e.g. how we can get the most out of a vacation/trip, what types of vacations can be the most rewarding/beneficial for me and why, how o use in-advance vacation planning as motivation to get other things done etc, so it wasn't just idle chatting. Also how depression and anxiety can prevent someone from engaging in relaxed vacations and travel (I definitely experienced that).

I would have been interested in hearing how my Ts approached vacations but only if the conversation had elements of what I just said (something relevant to me); I would not be interested just to know about their lives. I also never feel worried about people's traveling - I have been surrounded by people who travel a lot in my whole adult life, so it is pretty much the normal for me. I had also done some vacations in pretty risky ways when younger and most people never expressed concerns when I shared them. With those that worried, I simply didn't share details. I imagine some Ts are aware that certain clients might worry and start imagining all sorts of things about their vacations and whether they would return the same and this is why they refuse to talk about it.

I’m not sure I care all that much where he’s going, but I am curious if he’d tell me if I ask. I don’t want to be intrusive, but it also would feel distancing to keep this seemingly mundane piece of info from me. Maybe I’ll ask him if he’d tell me if I asked.

No. She’s annoyingly cryptic about the whole thing.

My T usually just tells me but if not, I will ask. I do enjoy hearing about T's life in general and knowing this helps my anxiety to know. With all the stuff on the news recently it was really helpful to have a location. I still worry but at least its narrowed down to one area of the world.

Yeah, ask and you'll see - I am sure the T would not be offended. Just be prepared to 'no' as a possible answer, I would say.

As for the email thing - do you think it would satisfy you better if he occasionally responded but other times did not? Perhaps then you would feel uneasy about the inconsistency and unpredictability, like many other clients whose Ts provide intermittent responses that are not very predictable. I doubt anyone has a "sixth sense" to determine when a response might be especially beneficial, especially from a distance. It would likely just be a guessing game and quite hit-and-miss.

I saw him today and told him I didn’t actually want to know where he was going, but was wondering if he’d tell me if I asked. He said, yes, he’d tell me if I wanted to know, but didn’t want to bring it up on his own because he didn’t want me to have to manage information about him. I said his response helped me feel like he was less controlling. I don’t really have any need/desire to know where he’s actually going, so didn’t ask.

I've thought about this as well, the question of whether my therapist would answer. I've never asked. I suspect he would consider answering, but only after some length of exploring why I asked. He does volunteer information about roughly how far he's going and what mode of travel, to contextualize how likely it is that unexpected delays could make him need to cancel an appointment the first day he's supposed to be back.

Wait, the guy who wouldn't even answer the offhand question about pets without an in depth debriefing will tell you where he's going on vacation? I'm really shocked...

Yes, he can be surprisingly reasonable. Doesn’t mean I’m not pissed off about him taking a vacation right now though.

I was hopeful that he would, because he did last year, so I asked but got a generic reply. Last year he told me spontaneously and I was hopeful that it represented a move to be a little more open on his part.

Yeah mine tells me where she's going, if she tells me she's going anywhere.

She is on vacation next week. Last week she told me where she is going and with whom. This week I asked questions as I was intrigued. She answered them all.