[Lrad123]

Does your therapist tell you where they’re going on vacation? Do you ask? Do you care?

[stopdog]

The first woman didn't. The second woman did. I never asked. I did not care - it had no bearing on me whatsoever what either of them did outside of the time I bought from them.

[MoxieDoxie]

I would never ask but he tells me anyway which feels nice because he trusts me to tell me something about him. Now could he be lying about where he is going? Sure.

[SheHulk07]

Mine doesn't say where he's going or what hes doing, just that he'll be out of the office. He said he likes to give me plenty of advanced warning whenever possible, which usually means a few weeks notice.

[koru_kiwi]

mine did...either i would ask him or he would just share. for me, it helped to ease my anxiety to know where he was going to be.

he actually sent me a post card from one of his overseas holidays....it only took 8 months for it to find me, so it was a nice surprise when it arrived because he said nothing about it nor did he inquire if i had received it in all those months in between.

[JaneTennison1]

Mine did last time but it's not really a big deal if she does or doesn't

[divine1966]

Mine does but I never remember. Mine travels a whole lot so no way I can remember. I don’t see her often. I don’t care if she is on vacation but I’d like to know so I’d not call or text to schedule an appt if she is overseas

[Lrad123]

In general, I don’t think I care where he’s going, but I do feel worried about something. There have been times when I’ve quit or canceled during a break and I’m not entirely sure why. A few weeks ago I was at peace with the idea of discussing termination and stopping if that’s what felt right, but then we had a couple of good sessions and now I feel worried about the break. Maybe I’m overthinking things and it’ll be fine. Maybe I’m worried I’ll read the headlines and they’ll be some sort of natural disaster or shooting or whatever and I won’t know where he is. Maybe I’m worried I’ll lose the good feeling I’ve had about the past few sessions. I’m not really sure. I don’t really feel affected by anyone else in my life going on vacation, so I’m not sure why this one should feel different. And I’m not sure that knowing where he is will help at all. Just trying to figure it out. It’s frustrating.

[Omers]

Mine tells me. He also lets me know if it is work or family (he is out of the office often). He will return calls and emails no matter what but he knows that unless it is something totally over the top I prefer not to bother him when he is with family. But, either way he lets me know where he is. Personally I like knowing if it is work or vacation and am not as concerned with where... but I like that he shares.

[susannahsays]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

And I’m not sure that knowing where he is will help at all.

He doesn't seem the type who would tell, so it seems like a moot point.

[Amyjay]

My T has never offered information about her vacations on her own, but when I have asked if she is going away or not she tells me where. She had time off again a few weeks ago and I didn't ask if she went away or not. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other, tbh.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I would like to know but dont feel comfortable enough to ask. She hasn't volunteered the information, only that she will be overseas. I would feel less anxious if I knew but have to cope without knowing. I tend to keep an eye on the news for plane crashes, terrorist attacks etc in case it may affect t. I can text her while shes away which helps.

[InnerPeace111]

No, my T doesn’t say where she is going on vacation and I would never ask her. She only says that she will be out of the office. Wold I like to know where she goes and what she does on her vacations? Absolutely! But I feel like it would be too intrusive to ask her.

[feileacan]

He doesn't tell me but I assume that he spends majority of his vacation in his country house. I don't tell him where I go for vacation either.

I ask and she tells me. We've been together 17yrs so it just comes up now.

[LonesomeTonight]

Mine won't tell me where he's going or if it's for work or fun, even if I specifically ask. It's been a point of conflict between us before, but he just says it's one of his boundaries. Well, he was willing to confirm that he wasn't going to the Dominican Republic two vacations ago (there had been reports on the news of Americans dying suddenly down there). A couple times after he's been back he's mentioned where he was. I don't know why, but I think I'd feel somewhat better knowing generally where he was going. Or if it was for work or, say, a family vacation. He allows emails when he's away, and I'd feel much less bad contacting him if he was at a conference than if he was on vacation with his wife and son. But then, maybe that's part of why he doesn't tell me, because he wouldn't want me to avoid contacting him for that reason...

ETA: Ex-T and ex-MC would tell me where they were going. Sometimes they volunteered it, other times it was if I asked. The one time I wish I hadn't been told was when ex-MC said he was taking his daughter on a trip to look at colleges. It triggered some jealousy related to paternal transference.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Sure. We always talked about his upcoming travels and mine as well. Just the normal course of things for us.

[Lrad123]

Mine told me early on in our relationship and it turned out we were going to the same place for spring break that year, but at different times. Our relationship has changed and I’m not sure if he’ll tell me now. Not really even sure that I care, but more just curious if he’d tell me if asked.

[nottrustin]

Both my Ts have told me where they were going. Ttpically it is nice knowing where they are going.

I just found out last week T is going backpacking next week with her college friend and their 2 preschool children on the other side of the country. I am mildly concerned.

[coolibrarian]

Sometimes she tells me before she leaves. Other times she tells me after she's been. Sometimes she doesn't tell me at all.

Mine never told me and also stated it was one of her boundaries. I never asked again.

I don’t really understand the shroud of secrecy, but she seemed to want to maximize transferences. That said, not sharing came across as mostly weird and sneaky. I doubt that was her goal.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors3

I don’t really understand the shroud of secrecy, but she seemed to want to maximize transferences. That said, not sharing came across as mostly weird and sneaky. I doubt that was her goal.

This has been a source of contention for me too. My T wouldn’t answer whether or not he had a pet. It was an innocent question and his lack of response felt distancing.

[Echos Myron redux]

He hasn't usually in the past. Last year he went away for 3 weeks and I imagined he was in America because it helped me to place him in the world.

A couple of months ago I accidentally said "when you were in America..." and I immediately realised I had given away my secret that I made up a destination in my head when I didn't know where he was. He asked if it would be helpful to know where he is when he goes away. I said it probably would, yes. He said he usually only discloses when a client asks. I said I assumed that if he didn't volunteer the information he didnt want me to know! It was a good conversation, and now I know I can ask him freely for future trips.

(Oh and it turned out my guess he had been in the US was correct!)

[Salmon77]

He tells me if I ask, but he doesn't volunteer the information. Sometimes he mentions the location afterward.

Originally Posted by Lrad123

This has been a source of contention for me too. My T wouldn’t answer whether or not he had a pet. It was an innocent question and his lack of response felt distancing.

Yes - I felt that too.

Mine mentioned that she was married and had children during our first appointment (I think to relate to my own married with children status) but didn’t mention any other personal details in our many years of therapy. It made me feel insignificant and unimportant, which was pretty much the theme of our relationship.