[JustExisting]

I always prepare notes before sessions.


Well last session i had to deal with a rupture with my therapist where I revealed a trauma and I interpreted his response as blase, and like he tried to minimize it. It ended up being that he simply wasn't sure how to navigate the situation.


I Don't blame him. I have unique sensitivities.


Anyway, I during our last session we discussed that experience and then I told him that I had prepared to lay out for him, what the trauma experience really meant to me, how I think it affected me long term and other details surrounding it. This includes a lot of sexual trauma, copious amounts of shame and humiliation, false beliefs, just so many deep layers.

I have it all written out and I get overwhelmed just sitting here trying to read it I am getting terribly anxious about my session tomorrow. Not sure how I will get through all this with him!!

I have not, as of yet, really lost myself emotionally in therapy, I am terrified to! I fear all this heavy stuff is going to sweep me away!

Advice? Encouragement? Discouragement? I need something! Oh dear sweet Jesus!

[ArtleyWilkins]

You don't have to do it all at once. Pick one section of what you wrote to read aloud. Start there; see where it goes. Slow and steady wins the race, as they say. Small pieces at a time are a bit more emotionally manageable.

[nottrustin]

what are your thoughts of allowing him to read what you wrote

[JustExisting]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

what are your thoughts of allowing him to read what you wrote

I don't think I would be comfortable with that. For me, for some reason there is something more personal about him reading what I wrote directly as opposed to letting me tell it myself. At the same time it is more profound and meaningful to tell it myself because that is what lets it become more real for me, and really let me process it.

Plus the whole notion of giving him something to read because "I just cant handle saying it out loud" is like a level of weakness my ego would never allow!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I had L read outloud some poetry I wrote when I was 13 about SUI. Actually, she suggested she read it. It actually allowed me to feel compassion for myself. It was an interesting take. So maybe having your T read it, isn't about weakness. Maybe it could just give you another point of view.

[nottrustin]

[QUOTE=JustExisting;6604524]I don't think I would be comfortable with that. For me, for some reason there is something more personal about him reading what I wrote directly as opposed to letting me tell it myself. At the same time it is more profound and meaningful to tell it myself because that is what lets it become more real for me, and really let me process it.

Plus the whole notion of giving him something to

Hiw about you write in chunks and read what you wrote to him? With EMDR T once I wrote her a letter and had her read it and then we discussed it. Another tine I wrote a letter and read it to her. Just an idea.

[LonesomeTonight]

I was going to suggest letting him read it, which I've done before,but I see you don't want to do that. Could you just read it out loud to him instead, focusing on looking at the paper instead of him, if that would help? And as others have said, you don't have to do it all at once. Tell him in the beginning how scary it is. Maybe read just a bit,then process with him? And I've found it can help to have something to fidget with. For me, generally a beaded bracelet, but you could bring a fidget toy, play with a pillow in his office (if he has one), etc. Something to help get nervous energy out of your hands. Hope it goes well...

[JustExisting]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I was going to suggest letting him read it, which I've done before,but I see you don't want to do that. Could you just read it out loud to him instead, focusing on looking at the paper instead of him, if that would help? And as others have said, you don't have to do it all at once. Tell him in the beginning how scary it is. Maybe read just a bit,then process with him? And I've found it can help to have something to fidget with. For me, generally a beaded bracelet, but you could bring a fidget toy, play with a pillow in his office (if he has one), etc. Something to help get nervous energy out of your hands. Hope it goes well...

I practically always write things out and read it to him in session. So this isn't anything different from the norm. It is just heavy stuff, and it is dense! Like every other line is some kind of admission or revelation, or embarrassing things, or something intense.

I actually bring my laptop to session and use a thumb trackball mouse that sits on the arm of the chair so that can kind of be like a fidget toy.

[SlumberKitty]

I don't have any real advise. I just wanted to offer support and HUGS. I'm planning on reading my T something I wrote that has to do with some trauma I endured as a child in my next session and I'm nervous and not entirely sure I'll go through with it. I have read to her from my journal before but this feels *different* because of the content. It's never easy. Letting someone in is hard. I hope that it goes well for you. HUGS Kit