Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

He did email again. Not sure how I feel or what I want to do.

Echos, is there a thread or something where I can go read the backstory to this? I based my answer just on the little clip you posted on the couch without knowing any context. Is there some place I can read context? I barely read other threads so I’m not sure if you wrote about it?

A woman at work just instantly made me angry. Well technically no one can make you feel anything. But instantly I was angry with her. I don't even usually get angry. I got over it just as quickly but I'm surprised that I got angry. I think it was the know it all attitude that I was just like, so not going to put up with today. It's already been a trying day from emails not working this morning, to a worker's comp claim this afternoon, to trying to finalize commissions, and then she was like, "Well I looked at it and it's xyz." And I was like, "Well, I did exactly what so and so asked so I want them to be able to look at it before making a decision." Ugh. I'm still a little peeved tbh. What is wrong with me. I don't even get angry like ever. And it was such a stupid thing to get angry about. Maybe it's just a byproduct of trying to keep my head above water today.

Hi Jersey, I did start a thread and then I deleted it. One concern is that the thing the rupture is about makes me quite identifiable. It's past midnight now and I'm about to go to bed, but if you do want to know what it's all about I would be happy to DM you? No worries if not, but do DM me if you would like me to let you know what is going on and I will drop you a DM tomorrow.

This is long. What a day.


It was mostly due to this freshman in my second big lecture class. He has ADHD, which he told me right away the first day. Okay, is he registered with the disability center? No. I strongly recommended it.


Second day, first real lecture, he has a lot of questions—virtually all asking me to repeat something. I finally told him to come up after class so we could go over them. On top of the ADHD, he has a slight speech impediment that makes it hard for me to understand him with a hearing disability. And if I ask him to repeat himself, he makes no changes—even though I have explained my hearing right on the syllabus and put a question about it on the syllabus quiz about how best to communicate with me. Plus he makes faces and gestures of disbelief (like wtf? gestures) when I don’t hear him or I answer him based on what I thought I heard. I repeat this information about my hearing to him at the end of class. And recommend the disability center again, pointing out that they could get him a notetaker. A girl in the class with ADD also encourages him to register with the disability center.


Third day goes smoothly. I think the message has gotten through.


Nope. Today was bad I give them outlines every lecture telling them what they need to know for the exams, and he got upset because on the outline I used “stages” instead of “versions” like I did in my actual lecture. My bad, but he wanted me to come sit with him mid-class to work this out with him. To pause a lecture for however long with a 100+ other students in the room, while he’s sitting midrow and I’d have climb over people. I told him I can’t do that right now, but we could talk about it after class.


After class he’s in tears. Calm him down—I’ve been that frustrated over my disability too. I try to explain, bring up my hearing again, bring up disability center again, bring up talking after class. It turns out he thinks it’s too late to register there (not true). It turns out he has another class right after and is worried about missing it (I ended up emailing the professor today to explain why he was late because he asked me for a pass). He clearly can’t conceive of a different disability and he might need to make allowances too. I emailed him a link to the registration page for the disability center—but something he said earlier makes me think he doesn’t know he has a university email account. And he can’t be forced to register. Even if he does register his in class behavior might still be a problem.


So I don’t know what to do. I should alert colleagues to the situation but I always worry someday my disability will mean I can’t do my job and I don’t need people thinking that before that happens. Aaaargh.

That situation sounds really stressful. It seems like maybe he's not ready for university level study yet. Isn't a hearing disability protected under the law?

ATAT, does the university have a procedure for instructors to refer students for intervention? I would think there is a process for students that seem at risk for a variety of reasons.

Yes, but unfortunately all that means is if I ask the university for reasonable accommodations they have to provide them. It doesn’t mean people can’t be jerks to me about it.

Yes, but as far as I know that’s the whole danger to self and others thing. There’s a procedure for expelling disruptive students from a class but I don’t think he’s at that level yet. Plus he could always argue ADHD tends to make him disruptive.

Had first consult with bariatric surgeon today. I'm tentatively cleared for surgery a year from now. I just need to decide if I really want to go through with it. A list as long as my arm of things I cannot eat after the surgery has me discouraged. But I've been dieting for two months and weight loss is in the single digits still.

Next step is to ask my psychiatrist to write a letter saying I'm stable enough for surgery. Shouldn't be a problem but I've never asked him for something like that before. If he won't do it (because he's unwilling to bother, not because he thinks I'm unstable) then I'll have to go to someone else for an evaluation.

Holy hark, thats college nowadays? Unless it was a seminar, i dont think students ever talked. And we never got handouts. A one page mimeographed syllabus the first day if we were lucky. And yes this was after walking 5 miles up hill in the snow from the parking garage.

ATAt - sorry you are having to deal with this guy. You are certainly having a terrible semester so far.
Can you report him/turn him over to the dean of students and be done with it? I don't know how it works with undergrads, but in the law school, when we have students who have ignored every rational piece of advice, we send them to the dean of students and let her deal with the student and their challenges and self defeating attitudes.

You had cars in your day?

You should see my syllabi. Like the first eight pages are legalese as dictated by the college (accommodations, changes to the syllabus, Title IX...).

I don't understand at all why anyone would be a jerk to someone about their hearing loss. I'm sorry if that's been your experience.

We called them horseless carriages. But we used donkeys.

8 pages?! Seriously? I hope that includes sex with teacher!

It is alarming how much mandated crap we have to put in syllabi these days. The problem I have with it is that it keeps taking more and more responsibility off of the student (who is an adult or should be learning to be one) and keeps them infantilized.

My school only forbade that my first semester here. I remember a large number of objections by older male colleagues when it was announced.

And there are several Friends of Epstein involved in the administration. Ick.

@@. I’m still waiting to start my job as your classroom enforcer.
I feel like this kid...um...adult is a jerk and maybe wants things spoon fed to him. Maybe that’s the way it was for him growing up.

He sounds really arrogant.

I would go to whomever handles this stuff and let them deal with him. Whomever. That may be. Academic counselor? Not sure...

My sister fired her lawyer.

I feel like I'm living in an ashtray, and I don't like it.

Hopefully your sister has her eye on someone better or something, Jersey.

Thanks.

She found an article about him online from his past that made her question things and she fired him. I guess I understand sort of. In the process she also threw away 5 grand of my fathers money. That’s how much his retainer was.

Yikes. Must have been pretty bad. Guess she'll fully vet the next one beforehand.

Cat people, I need some advice. The grey cat greeted me this morning with something yucky on her head. She had been waiting for me under my car, so maybe it originated from there. I don't know. Anyway, there was a large spot of something on her head which I didn't examine very closely as I was already feeling nauseous and had just come out to give her some food. I felt bad though because she's really quite sweet and was insistently butting my hand and trying to get me to give her the usual rubs and scratches on her head and behind the ears. Given the gunk on her head, I evaded these maneuvers.

It looks like the situation isn't just going to go away. How should I clean her head off? A baby wipe? Damp washcloth? I also have a product called tushie wipes that are made for wiping the backsides of dogs and cats. I think it's got some aloe or something in it. I know cats don't like being bathed, but I can't pet her head if it's all scummy.

I hope so. I thought she fully checked this one. I guess not. She won’t let anyone help her. Today she flipped out..told everyone to leave her alone. I know she’s just in survival mode but if she breaks and has a nervous breakdown he can have her removed from the house.

Years ago when I had a cat, I used baby wipes when she got into something.