Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

From where I'm sitting, the need for companionship isn't pathological. It's a natural part of being human.

I posted a big long thread in the divorce section of PC. Hopefully the folks there who been through a divorce can give me some insight on how I can effectively support my sister through this stuff. I must be desperate if I started a thread.

So now I’ll leave the couch alone with this stuff.

I’m trying to enjoy the long weekend, but it’s hard because I’m having SH thoughts so much. I’m going to go to Church this morning, maybe that will help. I will see if my Dad wants to play a game this afternoon or something. It’s too hot to be outside, but we do have a couple of fun board games. Maybe I would feel better if I did something productive like clean my closet. I don’t know how much distraction will help but it can’t hurt. Hugs to the couch for anyone that’s hurting. Kit

Its a good post.

God, I miss my T. I hope this is a phase because it’s really not fun.

Yeah but by pathological, I mean it's not natural. When I wrote that, we were spooning on my bed. He was chewing on his favorite toy. This wasn't enough for me. I wanted his attention to be on me and only me. I wanted him to come basically sit on my head like he sometimes does.

I felt jealous of his toy.

Hiked a little tiny stretch of the PCT yesterday.

Flying back to work. Miserable. Bored.

Sent my T this email (he’s asked me to let him know how I hope he’ll respond when I email him between sessions):

Dear [T],

I still miss you. I very much dislike this. Is this adaptive or useful somehow?? If not, how do I make it stop???

Regarding how I’d like you to respond... I don’t know, an avuncular chuckle at the occasional absurdity of therapy and then some practical advice? I know that per our agreement you won’t respond to this email, but I still wish you would.

[c]

All the pets had a nice fish dinner. The grey cat wasn't so sure about it. I had to put some of the dry cat food on it before she would even try it. But then she liked it.

When I had returned from buying the fish at the store a bit before and pulled up in my car, she came streaking out of the woods and across the yard to see me. Yes, I know that she is looking for food. However, she also typically insists I give her some pets on her head before she will start eating. Makes me feel a bit smug.

I have started wishing she was here in the evening when the boys (my dogs) and I are relaxing and the girls (my rats) are also nearby. It would just be nice to have her around.

I don't know how long I'll be able to resist before I take her inside...

Maybe the therapist wants a cat. Hers died last year. I know her dog was fond of that cat. I want the cat for myself, but more than that, I don't want her living in filth under my house.

I am in bed now and I miss the grey cat. I think it might be raining. Maybe I should go check. Maybe she wants to come in...

I always thought avuncular meant like hearty or chuckley. Or throaty. Not uncle-y!!

I think avuncular is supposed to make you think hearty and chuckley. Like everybody’s favorite uncle.

Thanks. I hate the new dictionaries. I got one published in 1968 from a guy i worked with, when he retired. It's the only one i have that actually works!

Hugs if wanted

I have a variation of this problem too, and it is driving me crazy. The dogs are thrilled bc they have their first dog door. It opens into a fenced acre of mowed field. The grandma dog is a funny , foolish, cheerful golden retriever , and she keeps coming back into the house with live critters- blech. She , like your cat, brought in a mouse and plopped it down uninjured, and he turned up 8 days later inside the washing machine . I screamed like a B horror movie, then was ashamed of myself. She has also fetched inside a bright green salamander I had to google ( not poisonous but still yucky), and a mole/vole ( not sure which is which). The days of the dog door are numbered.

My divorce broke my heart, and I never believed it could happen. We had always agreed no kids, but as it sometimes goes, I eventually became pregnant as after a decade we just were more careless, as if we had informed Mother Nature of our decision and she agreed. Not so much!

I ended up warming up to the idea and getting excited , but my ex felt betrayed deeply by that. It was our first rift, and we had little experience problem solving something of this magnitude . Fast forward - I lost the baby in the third trimester which was excruciating on a few levels. This created a tangled mess of feelings , and we could not be there for the other person.

I thought I detected relief, a relief that felt inhumane from my always- sensitive partner. He felt nothing he did or said was right, and he missed how it was before when we were a club of two, a family of two and the dogs . We tried to hang in there bc of our long past , but everything between us felt diminished .

Our divorce was lonely and full of attempts to see through the other person’s eyes tinged with moments of what felt like actual hate. I kept the dogs , he kept every photo album. Eventually, it got so ugly I threw my cell phone in the ocean, and we stopped trying to communicate and still don’t. In my experience, letting lawyers etc handle things and never getting back into the quicksand of point-of-view is the safest thing.

Divorce means things you cannot accept you must accept, and the harder you fight the inevitable, the more drained and broken you will become. Your sister is lucky to have you, and it won’t always be as bad for her as it is now. We do have capacity for new normals, even when they at first are untenable , unthinkable, and a big no. Better Help seems great, even as s place to fixate and discharge pent up bad feelings in a safe way.

I read all of this thinking you were talking about a boyfriend. I was like.... oooookaaaaay.
Then I saw it was your chihuahua.
It makes a difference.

Well, I've now had a dream about painting, so apparently I need to do that again soon. It was quite a good painting, too! But they said I had to attach it to the ceiling and stand on a ladder to paint the sky part, which freaked me out.

I should be working on my research today but I’m not. The stupid thing is that I’m not even having a nice time instead—I’m just killing time and dreading going back to work.

Oof.

I don’t want to start my job on Monday. I’ve been trying to book some interviews for this coming week but I didn’t land any. I don’t think it’s going to be helpful anyway. I just don’t want to this anymore. I went into the local community college website and there is a sort of business informations class that starts mid-semester. It’s accelerated so it is only 8 weeks long and online. I might just give it a go..it doesn’t cost a lot. I just have to check back on my records from my 2 year stint in college back in 1998-2000 to make sure I didn’t already take it.

I also thought maybe I’ll become a paramedic but apparently you have to be an EMT first. After 6 months of being an EMT you can then enroll in a program to become a paramedic. I don’t know where I got that idea by the way..it just popped in my head.

Seems like taking the class is a good idea. And taking on a few interviews won't hurt. What's the difference between an EMT and paramedic? I thought they were the same thing?

I thought they were the same too until I looked it up. But apparently an EMT just has very basic training and their certificate does not allow them to do anything that would puncture the skin...so they are only limited to using oxygen, those epi pens and performing CPR. Apparently a paramedic is allowed to use needles and do more invasive stuff.

Oh, I see. I've learned something!

I learned it yesterday!

Tomorrow, I need to call my lawyer and pay their $4500 retainer. Ouch. That's more than I paid for the "wedding". This is so not fair. I shouldn't have to split my assets with my abuser. And I say my because he contributed almost nothing to them. His only contribution was to help pay off the mobile home we bought which allowed me to go back to school because we had no housing expenses. He got a lot of that money through dishonesty or outright theft unfortunately. Then he quit working and hasn't since then even though he promised he would so I wouldn't have to take out so many student loans. (This was in 2002.)

I’m so sorry NP. That is SO unfair.