DBT by online messaging?

Has anyone done DBT online with a therapist through the chat format?

I am desperate for help about breaking the attachment with my T. Session today was just heartbreaking for me and I need serious help.

I send message to the online therapist I have been chatting with for two weeks. I begged him for help today and he said he could try DBT with me if I was willing to give it a try.

i personally haven't done any DBT, so i can't help you there, but have you had any consideration about taking a short break from your T?? this sounds incredibly challenging and painful for you right now and i wonder if trying to put on the brave face and trudge through these sessions with your T is causing more harm than good?? perhaps having some time and distance away from your T will allow you time to mend your heart and mind from the repeated and triggered reenactments of grief and pain that this 'relationship' seems to be keeping you stuck in.

when therapy got to a similar stage for me with my ex-T, having a six week break afforded me the time to help me focus and see things from a new perpesctive. so upon returning to sessions with him, i had a new sense of confidence and a definite answer to the direction i wanted to be heading in my therapy and in the relationship with my T.

I agree that a break might be the easiest answer to your situation although a painful one.

As for DBT, I have been in group DBT classes for about 2 years and am now in a graduate DBT class that is used mainly for maintenance in solving individual's issues that arise on a weekly basis. Personally, I think DBT would be most successful in a group setting but I also see a T who does DBT as part of our sessions. While he does teach me skills and discuss skills use, I have not learned a fraction of the DBT skills I know from my T.

I'm sure your online T can teach you some DBT skills but it will take a lot more effort and practice on your part. DBT skills are very helpful but must be practiced daily. While it would be easier in a group/face to face setting, learning online is better than nothing.

O geez I just had displaced anger I think. I sent an email to the creator of the therapy modality my T is shoving down my throat:

A few weeks ago I had an attentive therapist, we had a great working relationship until he decided to take CEUS and take your DMNS training. Now all he does every single session is force this on me. It does not work. The resource team is ********. No amount of imaginary people will fix my issue. Now it has put a huge rupture in my relationship with my therapist and I have been in wreck for weeks.

If I email him for help he just repeats the entire resource team crap again and again. He says this is it. This is the only thing that is going to help me. I am painfully attached to him and I feel like someone close to me has died.

Before I felt like I had hope and I was living now every day I am just trying to breathe and get through each hour.

Your work is not helping. It is damaging.

She emailed me back:I'm sorry to hear your therapy has taken a downturn. It's very important for DNMS therapists to be highly attuned. I'd be happy to consult with your therapist if he's interested in learning more about how to do that. Just ask him to email me.

Kindest regards,

Don't I feel sheepish. I told her there was no way in hell I was going to tell him I emailed her. I am afraid he would terminate me.

I'm sorry you are struggling with your T. I know you are not happy with his new approach. Do you mind sharing what techniques he was using previously? Were they helping or is the whole problem due to your attachment?

You may want to have your online T teach you the DEAR MAN skill from DBT. It will help you reach out to your T or anyone in your life using a technique that is most likely to get the best response. This does not mean they will definitely respond the way you want, but will allow you to make your feelings known and improve your chances of a favorable outcome by pointing out what the other person will get in return. (Sometimes this requires a bit of a compromise on both parts). It is worth always worth a try. DBT is helpful with controlling your emotions throughout many of life's ups and downs. It also teaches you how to handle disappointment and rejection when it is not possible to work things out in your favor.

I wish you the best. I see that you are in pain and frustrated and feel the need to lash out. There is nothing wrong with that but is it working? Have you discussed these feelings with your online T? Or have you asked your current T if you can try any other modalities? DBT skills will definitely help you with these types of conversations.

Hello, I'm sorry, don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to say I truly feel your pain and I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can absolutely relate to your sending an angry email.
I think you could definitely try dbt via chat. I think it might be a good idea.
Hugs Moxie!

Sorry that my borderline side is starting to splash all over everyone.

I think just sticking with the heartbreak and pain is the way forward.

Why not ask your T to consult with the woman to whom you wrote. Consultation would be very appropriate for him to do now, given how your are feeling. Therapy seems to be breaking you down rather than giving you resilience right now, and your T has the responsibility to seek consultation. She seemed right away to pinpoint perhaps a lack of attunement on his part. He is not an inexperienced T who took your case naive to the complexities . To me, he needs to take responsibility that you are on his watch , under his care , and you are not clear he is doing no harm.

Maybe you can reframe that to say that you are deeply hurting? It is ok to hurt and we all show our wounds differently. Therapists are supposed to help us with complex trauma know how to handle our hurts in more adaptive ways instead of penalizing us for maladaptive behaviors. I am sorry you are hurting so much right now.

Regarding the dbt, I did an online course and found it very helpful. It was not one-on-one but I did get individual feedback to my homework and questions answered. I didn't have time for a traditional dbt program so it worked well for me. So I would suspect that dbt via chat could work. It won't get to the root problems but it does help manage the distress and help find new ways to cope with pain. It gave me a new outlook.

I hope things work out for you. I don't post much but I have been following your story and rooting for you.

Her reply to me was to consult with my T and for him to email her.

I do not think the core problem can ever be fixed. Managing symptoms and using cognitive reasoning instead of immediately acting on emotions to to get rid of the overwhelming emotions will take diligent practice and maybe by the time I am 70yrs old, and if I do not kill myself by then, all this will just naturally calm down. In the mean time I a am not living my life to full potential. Just under the radar, just skirting by in life as it is all I can manage.

In my opinion, her reply to you was kind and helpful. Perhaps your T consulting with her isn't such a bad idea? Maybe they could try it and the technique could be applied gradually and with a larger support from your T? I don't think there's anything wrong with a consultation.

Hugs no advice just hugs

I understand your pain from past hurts, I think most of us can and wish it could all be fixed immediately or better yet to never have happened in the first place.

Maybe I misunderstood your post but there is no magic fix. All any of us can do is put in the hard work and practice to improve our responses to current emotions and overcome our past by learning productive skills to help us lead a more positive, productive and happier life.

DBT, CBT, EMDR and all of the other treatments are only tools to reach our goals. Unfortunately they all require us to be open for change and put in the hard, tedious, painful work which will definitely take us out of our comfort zone (by design) in order to improve our lives. One will never forget the past but with work and time, the painful memories can morph into just distant memories that are a part of our past but no longer controlling our present or future.

My T always says that he knows this sucks, it is not my fault i was dealt a bad hand in life and it is not fair that I have to deal with it, but unfortunately I am the only one who can do something about it unless I want to choose to continue to live in misery.

I know this is not what anyone wants to hear, we all want a magic wand to make it stop and just go away but I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

She's just defending herself, her work, and her ego. You told her straight, she couldn't accept it. I think her whole stuff is ...t. Would be for me, anyway.

Not that it can't still work for you, I could be wrong, etc. It must work for some people. But. . .

I don't have any advice for handling the change with your in person therapist, but I can speak about online therapy. I switched to online in June and I think DBT could be done online if you are highly motivated and able to express yourself openly and honestly without the pressure of in person interaction. For instance, if you rely on your in person therapist to "fill in the gaps" or "know" when you aren't being 100% truthful based on your body language, then DBT online might not work for you. I think it would only work if you're willing and able to be extremely honest and say things like "I didn't do the work, I couldn't do it because, I am struggling with it because (specific reason)"

Just my opinion though! I think the biggest downfall of internet therapy is that the therapist can't tell when you're lying. You have to call yourself out on everything if you want to make progress.

Sorry to hear about your in person T suddenly changing methods to one that you aren't connecting with.

ugh....here I go doing damage control when that rage or part or what ever any therapist wants to call it takes control and does things like that. It is worse than drunk texting or facebook posting.