[hopealwayz]

I know that many people here don’t like me and I don’t blame anyone for feeling like that. I just want to apologize to everyone. I never meant to upset anyone.

I am really struggling to feel welcome here.

I never meant to be frustrating. I just have so much on my plate in my personal life and it’s exhausting.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

You haven't upset anyone that I'm aware of. You certainly haven't upset me. What makes you think you're not liked? It sounds like it's coming from past stuff rather than anything to do with this forum. After all, in all fairness, no one actually knows anyone here, only the words on the screen,

For what it's worth, I find you refreshingly honest, not frustrating. I like it when people can really say how they feel about what's going on with T and how much they are hurting. It's real and honest. It's okay to post a lot if that's your concern. No one has a problem with that. If you don't get replies it might be that people are busy, asleep, or the site was down (in my case the site was down this morning).

Please talk to your T about how you feel. That DOESN'T mean you can't say anything here. Of course you can...and if it helps, do. But T is best placed to help you sort through these painful emotions and find out what is at the root of them.

[Crook32]

I am not frustrated and look forward to seeing how you are doing.

Honestly if some didn’t care about you they wouldn’t get frustrated they would just move on. Plus you got to remember we all have our own baggage we bring to the table so someone could just be irritable and it appears to be aimed at you when it isn’t. You have to learn to just take away the things you think can help. I know easier said than done when you are in such a raw state.

[hopealwayz]

It doesn’t matter.

I just sent my therapist an email and told him the truth about everything including how low I am due to excessive stress and I also was honest about my jealousy and I told him why I was jealous. I hope I don’t get kicked out for being honest with him. But at least I told him everything that was going on and hopefully we can pick it up from there.

He’s an excellent doctor. I’m sure he can handle this.

[hopealwayz]

Now all of a sudden I’m panicking because what if my T throws me out for being honest with him. Everything else in my life is going wrong so I’m worried that this will go wrong just like every thing else that is happening in my life.

[Out There]

Hopefully we get to work out our stuff with our T's and here too if people are genuine and supporting us. Many of us have repeating patterns we need to get to. If someone can see this pattern , or patterns , and can gently bring it to our attention , although our natural reaction is probably to deny or get upset about it , we can then work on it. It's learning to take a moment to look at it and go " Oh , yeah , maybe... I will give you a personal example for myself ( hopefully it will help ) I can be a little obsessive about the way I think things SHOULD be , so , I know myself a little ( I hope! ) if this is pointed out to me , it's not so bad. I do hope you stay with us , and if people do gently point out your repeating patterns , it's from concern and trying to help , when maybe you sometimes see it as being unsupportive and get upset. We don't grow from agreement or validation all the time , when we get challenged a little on something , then we do.

[zoiecat]

Your T is not going to drop you for being honest. I know you are anxious about tge email but just let it be. He will be fine with it.

What I wouldn't do is to continue to email about it or worse yet cancel any sessions. My T always appreciates when I send him one email document explaining ahead of time what is going on in my head. He thanks me for it and we will always discuss at the next session. He addresses it first thing so I don't have to bring it up.

Although you are anxious over the upcoming marriage and state you have a crush on him, you know that is all it can ever be. Try to work on some self care until your next appointment. And try not to email him any more on the subject. I can see where that would get annoying.

Another great option taken from DBT is to work on radical acceptance of the marriage and opposite action. Whether you want it to happen or not, he is going to get married in his real life. Everyone in his life (including and ex-girlfriends he had have to accept that). By using opposite action you can try to find a way to show him you are happy for him. Write down a list of things you could say to him in future sessions. It doesn't have to be a lot. Just things like "I wish you the best with your upcoming marriage" or "I will miss you while you are out of office and I hope you have a great time". The trick is to start with thinking of what you can say or do and keep rolling it over in your
head until you can get to a place where you can actually mean it or at least be comfortable saying it. The goal is for your heart to eventually accept it which will lessen the pain you are feeling now. "Opposite action to your current emotion"

I agree with the other responses. No one here dislikes you. People only get frustrated when they really care about someone and have to sit back and watch them continue to be in pain. If no one cared tgey would not bother to give advice or get frustrated when you share your pain but do not seem to make an attempt at taking any suggestions and continue to repeat the same patterns that keep you stuck and miserable. (I did not say that you are doing this now, it is just an observation from past posts)

We all want yiu to be happy Hope. I have seen sone improvements from you in the last few months. Keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone a little more each time. That will help you inituate change. Keep up the good work and try to accept the well meaning responses from others on this site with an open mind.

Take care.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Well done for being so honest. It's really brave. Now, as Zoiecat said above, try and distract yourself and do some self care. Avoid the temptation to keep emailing and/or second guess how T will respond. Leave it for him to deal with. Just know you were brave enough to put all that out there and you will talk about it with T soon.

[hopealwayz]

Thanks to all of you. I truly appreciate it and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

[hopealwayz]

So now it’s Monday. I am not sure when they will see the weekend emails. They have a temp in the front office at the moment and she usually doesn’t check the emails.

At least I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday.

[hopealwayz]

I called the office to see if I could get an earlier appointment but T doesn’t come in until 5 today but she said that she could ask him to call me when he gets in.

Everything in my life is falling apart and I’m just so exhausted with everything.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Your appointment is Wednesday anyway, so you can probably manage until then.

[hopealwayz]

The office person called and asked if I wanted to come in tomorrow.

I hope I remember all of the important stuff.

I’m scared to tell him how tired of life I feel.

[SlumberKitty]

Maybe write it down instead? Then you don't have to remember and if you are scared you can just hand him the note....HUGS Kit

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree on writing it down—I often do that

[Flinders40]

Can you begin with the emails you sent to him over the weekend? Seems to be a good starting point.

[hopealwayz]

He probably doesn’t even want to talk to me. The office lady from a couple hours ago said that she would ask him to call me at 5. He didn’t call and I’m pretty sure he won’t call at all this evening.

I actually feel like not even showing up at all tomorrow.

[hopealwayz]

Actually, I may just not show up tomorrow.

[SlumberKitty]

If you don't show up tomorrow, you won't receive his care and help. I would go, even if you don't feel like it. HUGS Kit

[LonesomeTonight]

I would still go. If he was coming into the office at 5, he might be seeing clients all evening. Or she may have forgotten to give him the message. I doubt it's personal. If he didn't want to see you, he wouldn't have scheduled you for tomorrow.

[downandlonely]

I agree with the others. Go see him tomorrow and tell him how you're feeling.

[Flinders40]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

He probably doesn’t even want to talk to me. The office lady from a couple hours ago said that she would ask him to call me at 5. He didn’t call and I’m pretty sure he won’t call at all this evening.

I actually feel like not even showing up at all tomorrow.

Okay, take a breath and try not to fall into old patterns and make a decision that you will almost likely regret.

Maybe he hasn’t called because he’s in session. He’s already agreed to see you before your original session on Wednesday - so right there he’s demonstrating flexibility and acknowledging your needs. You need to give a little - as hard as that may be in your current state of mind.

Can you try writing to him in the meantime? (Don’t send it, but maybe by writing to him will help you until he gets back to you).

[hopealwayz]

I’m just getting confused with the office. I don’t know where the original office manager has been but they keep getting several different people and it’s confusing. Also, my check cleared 3 weeks ago and I saw my recent statement and it’s not even on there and it was never credited to my balance.

[hopealwayz]

The lady in the front office scheduled me tomorrow. He may not be happy about it.

[hopealwayz]

What if he doesn’t want to see me?