Nanny 911

I do have this aversion to giving yourself a "Virtual hug" stuff. Imagining the part the makes me feel despair, telling it you acknowledge that it is feeling bad, walk it or carry it to a place it wants to sleep or take a nap and tuck it it or give it a toy or ice cream. I do not feel any damn better when I do that.

That would turn me off too.

A child needs an adult that pays attention with consistency and proactively, an adult who anticipates those moments when the child my be dysregulated by change or uncertainty and helps the child navigate through those scary moments. Can you become more cognizant of situations that you know will perhaps be dysregulating and work toward a place where you can simply pay attention and be proactive for yourself?

In moments where the adults, even good adults, simply didn't predict the child would become dysregulated, those same good adults will help the child calm by knowing what helps that child (it is different for every child, and even different for individual children at different times -- good parenting is hard); good parents can do this without becoming frantic or angry. Can you, when you find yourself surprisingly thrown by something in your life, slow yourself down enough to respond to your own needs with insight and acceptance rather than self-criticism and impulsivity?

A child doesn't really want to be in control; they feel safer around adults who model safe boundaries and respectful communication, and who provide age-appropriate limits. Can you be the adult in the room who takes healthy control so that you can feel some safety?

I think perhaps it is this kind of thinking that your therapist is trying to get to, but I understand that, having not ever personally experienced that kind of parenting, it is hard to grasp what your therapist is trying to communicate.

I know, you said. I was replying to your request for info on soothing traumatised kids. A lot of the parenting techniques I tried to use on my kids, I also started to use on myself. But perhaps you need something more specific to your situation.