Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

No, i was gonna exercise while watching 48 Hours...!

In case you missed my point, sticking my finger out sounds like too much effort.

Ha ha i kill me!

Looking at other t's profiles makes me feel like I want to just back away from all of it for awhile. I feel a little resentful of all the people I know who don't feel the need to subject themselves to this stuff.

I sometimes resent people who can hear. Life isn't fair. We have to play the hand we're dealt and either make the most of it (and not make dumb mistakes) or let life beat us.

Doing the former has gotten rid of a lot of the resentment for me.

i know but geez you'd think there'd come a point where enough is enough after 8 years.

i'm sorry for whining.

so una! what's on 48 hours? I haven't watched that in awhile.

I'm going to grab this asteroid pillow and cuddle up in the corner if anybody wants to join me.

chronic illness is a real pain. I just feel like everything is so minute to minute all the time. Maybe I can make plans tomorrow or maybe I wont be able to walk or use my hands. SURPRISE!!!

Long ago, all three of my boys went as Marios for Halloween. They were adorable, and they were able to wear the overalls for a long time after.

The crowns are adorable. Have fun.

I had plans on drinking tonight but didn’t. (Good decision) I did, however eat some fried food. (Bad decision)

I just watched Unbelievable on Netflix. It’s a limited series based on a true story. I don’t want to post what it’s about because it can be really triggering for some people. I found it to be excellent and I’m a huge fan of Toni Collette and I loved Meritt Weaver when she was Zoe on Nurse Jackie. She was great in this too. Emmy worthy acting.

I am all mopey tonight over this whole L thing. H tried to help by letting me talk. Then he said that he knows that I love her and he admitted that he is jealous of her, of this hold she seems to have over me. He said I can't help you. If you want to keep going, keep going but I don't think it's healthy. I said I don't want to. I am thinking now that going back next week is maybe not such a good idea after all. I doubt there's any way I'd get any kind of closure if I did even if I specifically asked for it at this point. I see my pattern of perpetuating my own drama just so I can go back - ie, sending the email the other night while drinking margaritas. What the hell did I think would happen when she read it? Of course she called and wanted me to come back to talk about it. Crimeny. I've made such a mess. I guess I should call her Monday and cancel while it's still well beyond the 48 hour thing. I need to get out of this mess somehow.

When my son was little during the time he loved dinosaurs so much, I bought a dark green sweatsuit for him and made little batting-filled triangles that I sewed down the back like dinosaur spines or whatever they were called. And then they continued down to a long batting-filled tail. That was a fun costume and I was pretty proud of myself for creating it! Another year we bought him a Thomas the Tank Engine costume during his love of trains time.

My cat was laying here sleeping on the table I'm sitting at and he rolled over and fell off. Then he just sauntered away as if he meant to do it. Cats are so funny.

I had not heard of that series but have been looking for something new to watch. Maybe I'll check it out. I've never seen Nurse Jackie either, wonder if that's on netflix too...

Sorry for spamming the couch.

I wonder, Artie, what is it about this L relationship that is causing you so much distress. Is it that it's a paid relationship? Does it feel fake somehow? Are there some romantic feelings that are getting in the way? By your own account, she's helped you with some of your relationships. Do you feel that you don't need therapy anymore and you're just going because you like her company? Do you feel that she's taking advantage of you by allowing you to keep coming? Sometimes she does sound a little pushy. What would it feel like if you allowed yourself to feel things about her and you kept going to see her at a pace that was emotionally comfortable and affordable for you? There would be nothing wrong with you if you did that. She's obviously important to you. It's okay that you're finding some sort of emotional fulfillment with your therapist. I sincerely hope you are able to find the answer you're looking for and to find some peace with this situation.

Thanks NP. I don't know what the answer is.

I wish there was some (peri)menopause hotline one could call to complain about one's body and get some reassurance that everything is within tolerances.

My (male) therapist seems okay with talking about these issues, but, boy, is it weird.

Thank you guys. I havent crafted in forever, but wanted to do their costumes again this year. I bought the dresses but adding some things to them. Started adding to one dress tonight, will probably finish it tomorrow hopefully.

Why, precisely, am I awake at 4:30 am? Ugh.

Hugs for Art and anyone else who needs one.

I completely relate. It's hard.

How about you email and tell her you need time and space to work out what to do. She shouldn't be making any demands on you. I'm sure she's attached to you and probably doesn't want you to leave either, but ultimately it's your decision to make and really loving someone is about allowing them that freedom. You could thank her for seeing you but you just need your own space now. That is what I would do. Then make an appointment if/when you feel ready. I suspect that given enough time you will start to feel relieved that you're away from the drama. It does sound like you feel that nothing is going to be gained or worked through from staying and I would say trust and go with that feeling.

Just realizing in my case therapy isn’t meant to ‘cure’, treat or even SOLVE anything.
It’s just meant to give me supportive company as I ‘traverse the ups and downs.’ (?)

I have been with T for five years ....and I’m just finding this out...now?!

Maybe it’s just I’ve had sooo many emergencies (emergent and non-emergent health issues, impending move, deaths in family, squawks with DD) there is no time for ‘solving or healing anything’ bc we are too busy putting out fires.

Maybe there is no such thing as ‘healing’ ?
Maybe there is no such thing as ‘therapy’?
Maybe they keep me so busy ...maybe they keep me so attached..so I don’t off myself??

Im so gullible. I didn’t even see it.

Goals, people. Revisit goals with your T.

Pre--I see absolutely nothing wrong with using therapy like that. I have and still do. It's how therapy got me through my sui and sh period. Now I use it more as a life coach kind of thing.

Guess I had my own agenda (which is fine) but I didn’t check to see if T could do it.
I thought there might be some sort of ‘trauma therapy’ that would bring me understanding and peace with the past traumas. I thought I would feel better, more whole.
I thought it might help me feel like a human being.

These were my hopes.
I misunderstood.

Now there is none.

It was about the

Eta - so, interesting to look at in terms of trauma and ptsd.