Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

An old friend I haven't seen in 20 years got in touch with me, which seemed fine at first, but it has turned into a walk down a very crappy portion of memory lane, crappier even than I realized at the time or than I've been letting myself remember. Monday therapy session got postponed to Tuesday so I am just stuck on my own with this ****.

I don’t think this is on you. “Healing” and “wholeness” are just part of the bill of goods the profession tries to sell clients. They are shorthand for “scarring over” and “functional.”

My current T 's role is very much like this. However, with past ts it has been about working through the past AND reaching a point where I could live with it . I do feel that I have pretty much healed from a great many experiences but that doesn't mean they don't still hurt from time to time..just that they no longer affect my present life in any big way.

A t's role can be whatever you need it to be. And a good t will already know that. What each client needs is as unique is they are. I'm fine with my t being a support to me as I navigate the difficulties of my current life (with occasional re-visits to the past) and so is she.

I got a new antenna channel recently, Wdbl - Dabble? - it shows martha stewart reruns and designer shows. Right now im watching a Flip this house show, and it was a deserted house that cats took over, so theres a cat in almost every shot, giving the flippers the stink eye, like what are you doing in my house!

Yeah precaryous. I get you. They cant change the past. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree. What kills me is that other people dont see that the twig didnt bend itself.

Is it arbor day? When is arbor day?
For some reason I thought it was in the fall -but I realize that would not make sense to plant trees in fall.
Just checked - April

What difference would it make to other people what happened to the tree?

Im tryin to party with the other trees, but i party weird.

Are you the party hearty sort?

That's something many other people will also struggle with.

Is your T back yet?

I love this!

Have you thought about an Art class too? There's loads of tutorials on youtube.

Sounds like a plan.

Have you drawn out a list of potential new T's ?

No, more party heart to heart.

C'mon, you know me!

Can anyone recommend a hobby that doesn't take up too much energy (physical or mental) that can be done from home? I already read a lot and watch stuff on Netflix. I play a little piano when muscles allow. I'm struggling with SAD and need something new to do. Thanks for any ideas.

Is it me or is there some serious flirting going on here?

Thinking about the "promise" of "healing" and "wholeness"....

For me I think I was able to tolerate the attachment and transference inherent in my work with L as long as I did because I hadn't yet reached a place of "good enough-ness" inside myself.

While she and I never established goals I had my own. Met a lot of them. Including the huge one of forgiving my mom and even having a real relationship with her now. I wanted to stay at her house and never leave when I was back there recently, wanted back all the lost time.

So for me some invisible scale has tipped and now the attachment to L just feels almost toxic or something, and I need to break it. She says it's because I'm afraid of intimacy. I say it's because I'm finding the intimacy I used to have to get in my relationship with her, in my real life relationships with family and friends now as I practice allowing myself to be seen. And in so doing I am seeing the relationship with her now as more contrived than natural and the limitations of it just hurt, and there's nothing good coming from my attachment anymore so it's just painful and no longer worth tolerating.

I dunno. Just my thoughts this morning.

You speak lemon.

Cheese is the best. For the past week I've just been doing cheddar cheese with olive bread rolls for lunch.

I told my sister that I wanted a cheese board for christmas.

That's lovely.

I love family dress ups.

It sounds like maybe the therapy relationship has run its course? It's a shame if your T isn't seeing how far you've actually grown through the work with her and sees your struggles as something still lacking in you rather than a sign that you've simply outgrown what therapy has to offer you.

I've also watched a few episodes of that.

I love abc's 20/20 too.

Thanks, yeah I watched one of the you tube vids to learn how to paint feathers, before I did the one for L. I should look into an art class at school, would be fun. Maybe a short in between semesters one...

I wrote down 2 t's in my area that take my insurance to interview when I'm ready to try again. I've no desire to jump from one frying pan into another one straight away...

Maybe this article will give you a few ideas:
10. Start Knitting
27. Learn Origami
32. Play Sudoku
47. Do Calligraphy

This List of 50 Low-cost Hobbies Will Excite You

I actually started learning and going over maths (basic) this weekend.

Hmm knitting could be good, I used to do that a little many years ago. I think it would be quite relaxing which is what I need. I'll check out the article, thank you

P.S my maths is atrocious, really bad.

H is watching football and I’m watching stuff in my bedroom. I did a lot this AM...
Walked the dog 1 mile, raked the leaves from the side of my house where they were piling up, edged the weeds that were growing out the ground and went to the supermarket to get dinner. Tonight will be Jenny-O Lean hot turkey sausage on a low carb roll.

The life coach told me a sure fire way to get some weight off would be to do the whole 8/16 fast thing. She said during the 8 hours of eating to keep calories around 1000 and eat low carb. I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna do that with work. I guess my window of eating would have to start very early like 6am (to get breakfast in) and end at like 2pm.
I put my money aside for the appointment with her this week and I’m thinking how I really like keeping my money. That’s 100 bucks extra that can go in my bank account instead of her hands but I feel like I should go to see what plan she’s worked up to help me get unstuck from my job.

If you like that kind of stuff, I do various kinds of puzzles—crosswords, logic problems, hidden object games (online).

Since your lamp gives you migraines can you go on YouTube and look up videos of beaches and just watch the waves on a sunny beach video. Maybe you can close your eyes and imagine yourself there.

jigsaw puzzle or something @@ and lemon mentioned?