Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

Morning couch. I'm here waiting at Ts super early. Don't think I've ever seen him so early so I hope it goes okay. Had to reschedule to take my kids to the dentist tonight.

Hi couch. I didn't cancel with L so I guess I'm going tomorrow. I feel sick at the thought of it though. Ugh.

Hugs/head nods all around.

If you really think you shouldn't go, you could still cancel and just pay the cancellation fee.

Good point, thank you. I don't know I guess part of me still wants to go. I hate that I can't just make a decision one way or the other with her. I'm hoping I will know what I want to do by the time I get there tomorrow. I think my stomach ache is a clue that I know what I am going to do and that I am anticipating confrontation because of it. But I also need to do it face to face to prove to myself that I can. I am tired of being afraid of confrontation.

If tomorrow goes badly then you may have your answer. I hope it doesn't but at least if you see her again you may have a better idea whether you can work with her anymore or you're just flogging that proverbial dead horse.

Thanks lonely. That's what I'm looking for.

Sometimes watching it is like watching the plot of a shakespearean comedy. If one would just stop knee-jerk reacting in either direction (note I am talking about the action - not the emotion), it might make it easier to make a rational decision rather than one based on extreme emotional response whether good or bad combined with an often misguided belief in mind-reading. (I believe all attempts at mind reading are misguided). It does not play out just with the therapist from descriptions of other interactions.
Just a thought.

I'm an emotional person, it's who I am. I guess I don't know how to be any other way.

I feel like on friends when Chandler keeps repeating "I wanna quit the gym" to try and get himself to do it.

I want this T break. I need it, my OH needs it. Why is it so hard to do?

The last time P was on vacation, he sent me an unexpected email or two. Just a few lines to let me know he was thinking of me. I wish he would do that again on this trip.

Awww I think that's a nice thing of him to have done to let you know he was still there.

I hope you can mention it when you have your next scheduled call.

Hi Couchies, I put some ice on my shoulder last night and some aspercream. I was looking for icy hot but I couldn't find any of that, so I used what we had in the house. It does feel a little better today. I can feel a couple of big knots in my muscles. I came into work early because I had to do payroll today and do the payables. Payroll is done but payables take a while because it is a lot of back and forth with the controller. I have T tonight and I'm anxious about it. I hope it isn't as bizarre as last time. I hope she is back to her regular self. I'm debating whether or not to say anything about it. But part of me is waiting to see how she is tonight. I'm definitely anxious....HUGS to anyone who wants. Kit

At my school, very few students actually turn up to lectures- for psychiatry today there were only 5 of us with the shrink we call the "crazy guy".We had him in third year for psychology. He told me that he liked me because I was human. ( I made a joke about not remembering the 80/90s.)

He also noticed that I smiled when he said personality disorders, and asked why?

I said that I liked personality disorders.

We were also taking about emotional regulation.

I hope you can bring up what happened with her last time.

In my pharmacy we sold Epsom salts which were said to help with achy muscles.

But that doesn’t mean the emotions have to control you, right?

The point is not to stymie the emotions. It’s to synthesize them with rational behavior and thought to create the self.

I don't have answers but I do understand.

How long have you been on your break for?

You don't have to be any other way.

I cry watching movies.

Crying at movies isn’t being controlled by emotions. I wouldn’t even call it being emotional. I’d call it normal.

I mean, even SD got sentimental over the Danish prince’s speech.

Part of the reason I find it so hard to ask for help is by the time I need it, I don't know what to say. Session tomorrow is going to be intense, and I'm going to have to try and stay calm and OK to get through Friday.

just a few weeks but it's because of vacations not an actual break, the real trick will be cancelling my next appointment

I hope your session goes well @LostOnTheTrail I do that too, where by the time it gets to session I don't know what to say. I hope your week goes well. Lots of Hugs Kit

Ok so thinking about this that way: to me, I was being rational last week at first in telling L that I no longer felt the need to come weekly and asking for reduced sessions. The problem was when she argued with me about it and I reacted emotionally by saying then I guess I'm leaving therapy because I don't want to come every week. What would a rational response have looked like? I'm really asking here, because I don't know.

Your rational response would probably depend on the reason she gave for arguing with you about weekly sessions. Is this when she said you have intimacy problems or is this something else? Rationally I would probably have said 'I understand you don't agree about this, but I really don't feel at this time I need weekly sessions and would rather come fortnightly/monthly.' Then cue for her response.

If I would't feel so pathetic doing it, I would send him an email asking if he's still there.

I answered a question on reddit about emotional abuse and inadvertently triggered myself. He was there through all that **** and I feel so attached to him.

If she refuses to see it your way it would be exceptionally hard not to get drawn into the emotion but you could say something like 'Look T, I really want to find a compromise. I know you don't agree but I'm paying for these sessions and want to see how I get on with fewer. If you refuse to see me any less I will have to just terminate now and I really don't want that.'