Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

Yes, we are charming aren't we? I'm beginning to understand the colluding thing a bit more I think....

She is still very skittish, was a feral rescue. If she catches me looking at her eyes she takes off. When she lets us pet her, she closes her eyes.

Okay. Though if you assume he’ll be there even after you’ve quit or canceled, and he assumes you’ll be there even after you’ve quit or canceled, why even send messages quitting or canceling?

Forgive me, I’m just genuinely puzzled here.

She is still very skittish, was a feral rescue. If she catches me looking at her eyes she takes off. When she lets us pet her, she closes her eyes.

It was as if my worst nightmare had come true. My t session was temporarily changed to today and I always hate that as I worry she will forget I'm coming if it's not the usual time. Got there and knocked on the door. She didn't answer. I knocked again. Still no answer. I waited 7 minutes and then left. All I could think of was that T had let me down and forgotten about me. I wasn't cared about, I didn't matter. A minute later I had a text from T...she was in the toilet. I replied that I assumed she had forgotten about me. T replied saying of course she hadn't... I was too angry to respond. I went to sit somewhere to try and stop shaking, After a few minutes I realised that although I wanted to go home and be angry, I'd only be hurting myself and would feel far worse. So I text T to see if I could go back. T replied yes it was fine if I wanted to, but she would understand if I was too upset. I did go back. It did mess up the session a bit. I was shaking and angry. T explained she'd had a client before me, needed the toilet quickly but it had been occupied by family member. She was very apologetic. All I could think about was that she didn't care because she'd seen someone else who clearly mattered more and the family member mattered more than I obviously do. I tried to talk about other stuff but it was hard. Now I've got even longer until I see her again and just feel terrible.

Artie, it is such good news about your session yesterday - it sounds like your t had time to process as well and having this one was the best thing for both of you so that you can now move on. Really pleased for you.

Mom called me. Dad didn't have a heart attack but they are going to admit him overnight for observation. So good news but still anxiety provoking.

Wow, sounds like you really had some valuable insights! You've really done some good work with this t.

It was as if my worst nightmare had come true... Now I've got even longer until I see her again and just feel terrible.

Explain it to me artie!

That is horrible! Nothing bad REALLY happened, but your body believes it did. Not to presume, but thats how i felt when i couldnt get my presecription refill last week. I did everything right, but i was abandoned. I was sick from head to toe, like every blood cell was agitated.

I kept telling myself, i KNOW what this is about. I havent been going to therapy all this time for nothing, even tho right now it FEELS like it! In the past, this feeling would have taken my SELF over. But not this time. I can exercise and shower to get rid of the hormones, i can nap to clear my head, i can write and share on PC to get some emotional clarity. All of that is integrating this horrible feeling FROM MY PAST. Well, i say all that NOW. Last week, i wasnt as clear.

I understand why that was so distressing! I'm glad it wasn't that she'd forgotten about you. But it sucks that you weren't able to have a good session.

You might like this video Una.

Yeah, today turned out to be a really good session. He asked some difficult questions, but they were ones that I had to face. And he was very understanding and empathetic through all of it. I'm glad I decided to go back to him. Because, while he definitely has his faults, he's really good with stuff like this. It really feels like he gets it. I'm trying to not think about whether that might be because his son is in fact on the spectrum...because I know that ultimately, that doesn't matter to my therapy. He did use an example of how he might feel if his son had cancer--things like thinking it was unfair, being angry at other people whose kids were healthy, maybe even a bit angry at his son for being sick. (This is not to compare autism to cancer, but I think he was trying to avoid saying, "If my son was on the spectrum" for obvious reasons.) It felt really validating.


I may write up the session (or parts of it) later, will be a lot to process.

I love this song. It's on my car playlist. But this video made me cry sad tears. I want to experience romantic love that doesn't hurt, but I'm never going to. It also made me think about how I never look my therapist in the eyes. I wonder if I would feel loved if we looked at each other and what he would feel, if anything.

Really glad it's going so well with your T LT. It's lovely to hear that after all the stress you've been through recently. Definitely sounds like it was the best decision to go back to him. And I relate as my child is on the severe end of the autistic spectrum. It's hard.

Thanks, Lonely. It feels like he's glad I came back, too. Like we appreciate and understand each other more now, or something.

I'm sorry your child is on the severe end of the spectrum. How old? Is he or she verbal at all? (Feel free to PM if you'd rather not post on here.)

Fuzzy, did you explain to him what happened? And that hes NOT "next!"? And ask him if he needs a new bunkmate?

What did he say?

Mom called me. Dad didn't have a heart attack but they are going to admit him overnight for observation. So good news but still anxiety provoking.

Just dont tell SD i think she has wiles!

I am the road runner - not the coyote

Yes that's totally it, my body believes it did. It's stuff from the past flooding me and believing it's happening all over again. Thanks for getting it tho I'm sorry you experienced this in a different context. I'm still feeling really upset and near tears even though my mind knows it's all fine and nothing has gone wrong or changed. It's just the horror of getting there and T not answering just sticks in my mind. And it's not logical but I'm so angry with her.

Ah but the road runner has his own set of wiles...