Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

I'll hop in, Art! Hope it goes well and you get whatever you need out of it.

I dont know what to do about my son's therapy. I interviewed a male therapist for him that he seems to like, and has saw 3 times. But I havent told his school based therapist. She also referred us to in home therapy so I have a meeting with them today. I dont want to completely sever ties with the company because they have lots of support, but I dont to overwhelm my son I also think in home therapy would be helpful but they have a significant waitlist right now. We had in home therapy with my oldest and it the behavior coach was really helpful, not so much the therapist.

I told him I think of him as the big kid in the family since he’s the oldest so we need to be friends and be a team so that we can take care of the little kids in the house. He really seemed to take to being called “the big kid”

Aww, that's sweet @Jersey 4 You are so good at your job!

Hopping in, Artie! Hope it goes well.

Sometimes it takes 40 minutes to get to the important stuff.

So, in a session mostly about my D, Dr. T asked, with 20 minutes left, how I thought my D's (autism) diagnosis affected me, how he didn't think I'd really talked about that much before. I said at first, it was because of what ex-T had told me (that Dr. T's son is on the spectrum), though of course now I don't know if that's true or not (it came up again maybe a year ago). So I talked about it a little bit, more just reactions to her testing, diagnosis, stuff like that. Started to get into a little more depth, like some struggles with appreciating the positive gains vs. the negative stuff. But I was also really aware of the time and said it would need to be a "to-be-continued" topic. But then on the car ride home, it started hitting me more, and I really wonder how many of my struggles in the past few years have related to struggling to deal with her diagnosis. I checked some dates on things, and the transference stuff with ex-MC really started not long after her initial diagnosis from testing, for example. And ex-MC would often be very positive about her, saying things that could be seen as symptoms might not be, etc. And then there's my drinking, which started increasing around that time. And other stuff. Maybe I'm trying to suppress how much it's affecting me...

That sounds like some huge stuff, LT. Hugs

Thanks, Art. Hugs to you as well.

We talked. I wish we hadn't. He sounded really tired and I'm guessing he didn't really want to talk today. I had to go outside to talk since I'm at work and I couldn't hear him great because of traffic noise. He read my email yesterday and chose not to respond to it because something I couldn't hear and we were going to talk today. I think that's what hurts. I think I feel less connected to him than before the phone call. I feel like nobody right now.

LT, my 23 y/o son is on the spectrum - he was diagnosed when he was 5 or 6 I think. It is tough and it does affect the whole family. I also suspect my husband is on the spectrum (he agrees). It's definitely something that I have brought up in therapy many, many times.

Hugs, NP, I'm sorry...

Thanks, Polibeth--I thought I recalled you having a child on the spectrum. T actually wondered at one point if my H is on the spectrum (which is something I hadn't thought of before he brought it up, but it makes sense in some ways). I've talked a lot about my D in there and how specific things she does affect me, and some of the effect on our marriage, but not so much on how I personally have been affected by it on a bigger scale. If that makes sense.

I really like the way he sounds like he has some control of the situation? When he flipped out, (it was because) he had no control of anything. Now he negotiates and discusses with you to voice what he needs. And trusts that you will do it. What a huge step!

That makes total sense. I am the same way. My husband is in total denial about our son even though he's an adult. He doesn't think about the fact that we won't be around forever and we need to make sure he's take care of.

This is me precisely. I worry so much about making strangers angry (in traffic or in a store) and people at work and friends and acquaintances. I find myself saying yes when I really want to say no because I don't want people to be angry at me. This could be about loaning someone money or driving them somewhere or even just someone wanting to come over and visit. I don't think the sky would fall but something else would, something horrible that doesn't bear thinking about and can't even be enunciated. I worked on this a bit in therapy by having her be the person I said no to, and acting out different scenarios. It was truly overwhelming and I didn't move past it.

Sorry for word vomiting but your post really struck a chord with me.

I'm sitting in front of t's getting ready to go in. Cover me, peoples.

I'm gonna hurl

You got this Artie, and you got the couch right there with you! HUGS Kit

HUGS @StressedMess I knew we were kindred spirits!

Really long, mostly unproductive day at work today. I hope that I don't have these days next week when the controller is here. I don't want to be swamped with work when she is here but I want to have some work....

I am feeling less anxious about the controller's visit though. I think that's good. She's very caring in her emails to me and she always tells me I am doing a good job. I need to just not be anxious and just look forward to the visit. Anxiety can be such a pain in the rear!

T had an opening tomorrow, so seeing him to discuss my revelations--may cancel one of next week's sessions to make up for it, but I feel this is a rather important breakthrough (so maybe I cancel one the week after instead!)

I saw my sisters soon to be ex walking around with his girlfriend last weekend at the outlet mall.

Just needed to plant that somewhere.

PS-she looks like trash.

Thanks for riding in my pocket, couchies! Whew! It's over. It went welI, better than I'd feared it would. I told her as I walked in that I had been driving around for an hour deciding if I was going to come or not. She laughed and said she didn't have any doubts that I would. She actually said it for me as we both sat down, something like "here we are for the last time. I get it, you're cooked!" And that she had wanted me to come today to process that a little. So we did. She mentioned my whole back And forth thing and I told her honestly I'm tired of it, how exhausting it is, etc. We reviewed our journey together overall. For the last 10 minutes or so we just kinda chatted a little about life in general, I told her how much I have appreciated her, I paid then we walked to the door and she said "one last hug" and we hugged for longer than usual. As I walked to my car I turned around and we both waved goodbye and said "happy trails". I feel a humongous sense of relief at stepping off the merry go round. Terminating with her was the right thing to do. Like you said LT, I needed to know that in my head or however you said it. Not the "just take a break and come back when you're ready to commit again" thing.

And when i am ready to re-engage in therapy (I know I am not done) I have a short list of other t's to interview.

eta: almost forgot. a funny little aside: I wore an all-black outfit today. she said "You're wearing my color. Was that intentional?" I laughed and said yes and pointed out how she was actually wearing a bit of color for once (a blue blouse, but black pants as usual) (she really could take a lesson from Info in how to dress haha!)