[pegasus]

I didn't know where to post this as it doesn't seem to fit anywhere in particular but is to do with therapy and I happen to value everyones opinion in this forum so here goes.

I have had major problems through out my life but for the last couple of years things are starting to come good. Bad time of year for me at the moment but we will get through that.

I started therapy over 6 years ago and when I started I was in a pretty bad state. I will also tell you that I am a multiple but am fairly ok with the way that I am.

Anyway I worked with people with mental health problems a few years ago, had a break and have been doing therapeutic work with children for nearly three years now. I have a few contracts and just recently have been filling in for other people when they have been off sick. I love my work. I am also a proud member of the British Psychological Society.

The thing is I have a big drive within me to plough on and get as far as I can with this. Helping children to progress is such a joy. But there is also a part of me that is holding back in a big way because this is all new and my self-esteem is pretty crap. (I'm gonna fail!)

Trying to get to the point- a position is about to come up at work which I have been filling in for. I can do the job well but I have a huge fear of interviews and the thought of going through all that makes me feel sick. Other people are likely to go for it to which can make for an uncomfortable atmosphere. But if I don't go for it I may not progress. But then am scared of progress also so it's a double edged sword.

Also this job might mean having to move my T session, I really need T as he helps me with everything in my life including my work. I think I may be able to insist on keeping my T slot, or swap a day with someone else so I can carry that on. Definately need to T!

The other thing is that I recently had a performance meeting where I stated my interests in psychology and what I wanted to improve for the children, the ideas I had and the training I thought I needed and it was all accepted by my boss. Which was a real shock for me. I may even be able to do a doctorate and not have to pay for it. Am I lucky or what!

So this is all good stuff right? But I still feel like that little girl that was told she was useless and no good and now I'm being told I'm ok actually! It's strange and odd and doesn't feel real.

So what do I do about this job coming up? Do I go for it? Or do I leave it and wait till I'm ready?

[Perna]

Borrow your boss's "and it was all accepted by my boss" belief in your abilities and the fact that you've actually done/subbed for this job. Just picture yourself as subbing (have any of the other applicants done that, subbed?) and know you can sub so the rest will follow.

[pegasus]

Oh! Thanks for your reply.

I do have a very good chance at getting this particular position but I don't have that self-belief that I can do the interview. The job is fantabulous! But 'little' me is very wobbly when it comes to applying or being grilled by a panel of big wigs. And yet I can cope with pretty much any problem that is thrown at me when I am actually working.

Maybe if there was a way to kind of imagine that I wasn't actually in an interview. Just having a chat! lol I don't know how to approach it really.

[smiley1984]

just imagine all those 'big wigs' sitting there with no clothes on.

[pegasus]

lol! I'll try!

[Perna]

Just think of examples of problems you had when you were subbing and liberally sprinkle your thinking and talk with "Well, once when I was subbing. . ." :-)

[pegasus]

Thanks Perna,

I don't think this job will be advertised until after Christmas now, but being the worrier that I am, I'm trying to plan ahead.

I definately need to talk to T about all this, I know that he will be pleased with how all this is going but it is the baby-part of me that needs the reassurance.

(((((((((((peg)))))))))))))))
so proud of you
go for it!

[Perna]

Does the job have to be advertised? You could go to a big, big wig, and just "demand" the job since you've subbed for it before; act like you "expect" it. Then you wouldn't need an interview perhaps and you'd certainly come to their attention and give them something else to think about :-)

[pegasus]

Fingers crossed for me please! Things are moving fast!

[nowheretorun]

(((Pegasus))) can i jump in? not usually a forum i post in...

first... COngratulations Pegasus! i love the plough on thru, rise on up idea and for the children! its such a good thing i'm hearing from you!

one thing thats helped me relive some pressur like you described is to look at it from a "well, i'll do my best" standpoint... i cant do any better?

if, and its only if, you are passed this time, that doesnt mean give up and i think you believe that too... opportunity can come your way again...

keeping fingers crossed (((Pegasus))) and praying.. i believe in the goodness of your promotion! (((smiles)))

[pegasus]

Just keep your fingers crossed friends please! I may have some news on all this very soon indeed!

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Pegasus,

May be too late on this because you said things were moving fast but....sometimes it helps to rehearse an interview ahead of time; thus making you less anxious during the real interview.

If you can get a friend to help (or just sit in front of the mirror) and write down the list of questions you think you will be asked and the answers you want to give.

I have found that this gives me the chance to think things through ahead of time.

Best of luck -- I hope all works out for you.

[pegasus]

Thanks sister, trying not to freak! May or may not have some news for you all tomorrow!

I'm hopeful!

[MissCharlotte]

ooooh good luck.

[Perna]

You don't need crossed fingers; you've got it. Here's my whole hand so I can shake yours in congratulations!

[pegasus]

Ooooooh! Hang on a mo, not there yet! Would be a nice Christmas present though.

Thanks for your support.

[kimmydawn]

oh wowowowowow ((((((((((((((( pegasus )))))))))))))))

I understand this on just so many levels. Many years ago, prior to t I went to an interview and was offered the job on the spot (state position with council on aging...working on press releases, activities coordination, etc). Something happened and long story short, out of my mouth came, "I can't do this! I don't know how!" Inside was thinking it was some cruel joke or not reality.

Pegasus, I think you're ready to plow forward...slowly and steadily. I really do. I think you'll have to do ALOT of self-talk and make very clear the expectations for self, prepare for possible outcomes, etc. Don't push too hard, hon.

Only you know what you can do...well, you and t...but what you've said here shows that you have gifts to share.

Please let us know and good luck!

KD

[pegasus]

Thanks for the support!

I'm saying a huge Phew!... at the moment. Today I was very brave and had some negotiations. I stated what I could and couldn't do. I said I wanted to keep the contracts that I already have and also asked to continue to have Thursday morning off (so that I can see T.) I was worried that I had asked for too much. I'm not used to looking out for my own wants and needs but it was all well received!

I'm still unsure whether I can leap for joy just yet as I now have a further interview on Friday.

[MissCharlotte]

WOW!!!

You deserve a medal for your bravery!

[pegasus]

He he! Thanks sister!

I feel so sick now after all that and a migraine to boot. I need to speak to T and check out with him whether I did good. The thing is that it all went so well! So I think I'm in shock right now.

Friday will be my last day of work before the holiday break so if that interview goes well too, I'm going to be so happy. If I get this, it means I can truly implement all the things I want to do for the children. And feel truly accepted.

[Perna]

Actually, asking for a lot can make you look "strong". You're supposed to negotiate some, not just take what is suggested but have a clear idea of what you want/need and try to get it. They don't want someone wishy-washy :-)

[pegasus]

I got it!

Apparently they didn't want anyone else! They like my enthusiasm! All my contracts are being extended!

And now I can sit there writing notes just like a proper T!

Thank you to everyone for the support!

[Perna]

Ha! Told you (do we have a smiley with a smirk on her face :-) That's wonderful.

[pegasus]

Like this...

Or maybe this...

Thanks Perna for your encouragement.