[MoxieDoxie]

It is pretty shaming looking back to see what a mess I was. What a difference a couple of month can make. I have managed to stay in my core self or otherwise known as best adult self. So much so that I managed to take a major risk and rent a room in a new wellness clinic and open my own massage therapy business. Well it is not open yet as I am doing all the work leading up to it. I am a one man show doing it all...marketing, insurance, website, social media, decorating, buying equipment all awhile my husband and surgery to remove a new bladder cancer tumor.

I should be a total mess but I am not. I honestly do not know what caused the switch. T says it is because I am dealing with the parts that come and take over in a more productive way instead of trying to beat them into submission. I am going to share with you the process he taught me. Very interesting and it does work.

Step one:
Observational Statement: say to that part or inner critic "I see you are frustrated or I sense you are upset."

Step 2: Use the child imagination (as we are to assume anything that does not feel like best adult self is a younger part).
*Ask the opposite of what is upsetting.
Example: You promised ice cream to your child. You drive up to the ice cream store and it is closed. Your cild is screaming and crying in the back seat. You say, "I see you are upset. If the store was open what would you get on your ice cream?'

Step 3: Validation: "I can see why you feel the way you do. It makes sense." You were excited to get gummy worms and jimmies on you ice cream and now you can't."

Step 4: Ask what is the difference between then (when you were a child) and now (as an adult)
Example:
Then: powerless, no control, was not independent, no job, no money, trapped, could not escape, had to rely on others
Now: I have power, I have control, I work, I have money, I can escape

Step 5: Think and say this statement
"My best adult self is going to handle this."

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Hi Moxie. Long time no see

Oh, it's brilliant to hear things are better. You sound great. Big hugs.

[Amyjay]

Hello, from one adult best self to another!

[happysobercrafter]

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so Happy for you!! Doesn't the difference feel great? You are healing, good for you! I know how hard it is to face the pain, but when we validate it, it diminishes. Rock ON, baby!!!!!

And, you know what? One day, the shame will stop because you will understand it had no ground to stand on in the first place. It never belonged to you. Someone taught you to feel shame and it's healthy to rid yourself of it.

I wish we could meet for coffee or something! I am so happy for you. This is a HUGE big accomplishment.

[SalingerEsme]

So uplifting to hear youre doing so well

[zoiecat]

Moxie, I am so proud of you and glad it is working. Learning how to reach the younger ones makes such a difference. I wish you the best on your new business. It will be a lot of work in the beginning but so worth it.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Good work. Sounds very similar to the process my therapist helped me learn to use. It does help. Glad for you.

[here today]

Thanks, I'm going to try that.

[here today]

Seems to me it's also important that your T was able to acknowledge and deal with his own countertransference, and its source, and so you all were able to work your way through that.

Do you have an update on that?

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by here today

Seems to me it's also important that your T was able to acknowledge and deal with his own countertransference, and its source, and so you all were able to work your way through that.

Do you have an update on that?

Those feelings just seemed to become less intense as I was able t stay in my adult self because my core adult self. I still feel that part but because I need my T more than ever because husband has to have a life changing surgery. Full bladder removal because of his cancer. I am the one that will be having to take care of him for months after surgery and work.