Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

I should be working on my week 1 paper for my class, but I'm working on the assignment for week 5. I'm all over the place right now, and I can't seem to stay focused on just one thing. I want to stay ahead, but just trying to do the easier assignments first. Out of 8 weeks, we have 6 assignments. One larger 1,500-2,000 group proposal, one 750 word essay this week, and the rest are smaller reflections. I'm not nervous about the class after looking through everything, but I am nervous that I'm going to be able to get through it without ending up in the hospital again with everything else going on.

Edited to add that I completed assignments for week 4 & 5 already. Still have week 1, 3, 6, & 7 to do. Plus the discussions for weeks 2-8.

The weather is atrocious here. I have to work today, but I have to get to work first. Looking forward to coming home and curling up. A lot of things in my life feel abrasive at the moment.

I’m up way too early for a Saturday morning. I slept really hard from like 10:30 pm till like 2 or 3 AM then I was awake. Just consumed my first cup of coffee. Not sure what’s on the agenda today. H turns 50 on Tuesday but since we will both be at work we are doing something this weekend..just don't know what yet.

Assuming you're in the UK as it's a tad on the windy and wet side here currently.

@Lonelyinmyheart - Yep. Calmed down a bit now, but still a bit windy.

Oof. Shared an intense thing with T yesterday and am now reeling. I hate that I have to wait a week to talk with him again. Sometimes therapy really sucks.

I know that feeling very well. Hope you're able to get through it. Is journalling helpful to you?

That’s a good idea. I think I’ll give it a try. I’ve been using this website called 750 words and I like it a lot.

Even though I am now in my early 30s, my parents sent me 2lb of candy for Halloween.

*passes the box around the couch*

Ugh y'all I am so antsy today. I hate this so much.

It hardly ever happens, but sometimes after intense exercise, usually weight lifting, I get plunged into a fit of depression. So I’m eating mashed potatoes for comfort food.

I keep thinking about this episode early in my relationship with 2ex. I needed a little time to myself and said so, he freaked so much I felt I had to apologize, he said “I forgive you.” Red flags all over. Even at the time I found it disturbing (particularly the forgive bit because it didn’t seem like something that rose to that level for me). Should have listened to myself.

Right there with you--I'm eating Nutella on toast and watching the Gilmore Girls.

I'm an introvert and need my alone time. STBEx couldn't deal with that. He would actually take it personally if I told him I needed some time alone. Like tell me I had hurt his feelings because I wanted an hour without him. I loved reading but I basically gave it up because every time I tried to pick up a book, he would demand my attention. It may sound overly dramatic, but I feel like I lost part of myself with him. So you're not alone. Red flags are amazingly easy to not see or not give appropriate significance to.

Now I have so much alone time, it's killing me.

Ditto.

I’m out to dinner with H and there has been radio silence through this whole meal. I guess after 20 years of being together there is nothing else to say. I should have dates more. Took more risks.

It's the exact same thing with H and I. I guess that's why we rarely go out to dinner - there's just an awkwardness about it.

No wonder una preaches napping--I took one that lasted almost 3 hours and my mood is definitely improved.

Having a hard time tonight. I should journal, but struggle with motivation.

Red flags....I can see them in retrospect. But even now I wonder how the heck was I supposed to know before I was in so deep it was red flags and not just a needy quirks?

The n-s-(e)-t-b ex has packed his things. He’s moving when he gets back from his work trip. I’ve been cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen all day.

Feeling pretty bad today. Having some SI thoughts and SH thoughts. Watching some old mysteries on TV. I did go out to lunch with a friend and her sister. And went to Target. My dog is playing with the stuffed llama I bought her today.

HUGS, Kit! I didn't know you had a dog?

Everything i know i learned from Bugs Bunny.

Im thinking of moving to Albuquerque.

I want to call my T so badly. I effing hate this.

Actually she is my Moms dog. A toy poodle, apricot colored named Emma. She is a good dog, very affectionate, and sweet natured.