Grief and T

Hi guys,
I’ve woken up to the news this morning that my uncle (dads twin brother) has passed away unexpectedly. I wasn’t particularly close to him but for some reason it has hit me really hard. The first person I wanted to reach out to was my T, but he doesn’t really do out of session contact, particularly if it’s a weekend.
But I’m hurting so much and struggling, do I try to contact him or just try to hold on until our session later in the week?

So sorry, KLL85.

My first question would be - when is your next session? If it's nearer the end of the week, it would be perfectly OK to send a quick message in my opinion to say....'Just wanted to flag up that X has happened, and I'm struggling.' Hopefully he will respond favourably, given the circumstances. Bereavement is known to be a complicating factor for MH.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I think any kind of loss can hit really hard because it taps into to a lot of pain about other losses if that makes sense.

Has your t said a definite no to out of session contact? I'm assuming from your posts he didn't but if his policy is firm then unfortunately it's best not to and maybe try and seek out other forms of support in the meantime, one of which could be posting here or maybe phone a helpline?

If your T policy is more hazy could you perhaps send him a quick email just telling him you don't expect a response but you wanted to him to know you've had some bad news.

Every therapist is different in regard to contact and it's really hard to give advice not knowing how your t will respond to it but I would hope you could at least let him know briefly that you've had some bad news.

Next session isn’t until Thursday. He has responded to emails but has made it clear he is not a crisis service and only one email in between sessions is acceptable. I guess I’m probably better off not contacting him as I know he can’t give me what I need right now, but still desperately want to reach out to him even though I know that *sigh*

I had a T with what sounded to be the same policy (she even used the same words). When I had something similar happen she was upset that I did not contact her (????). I would let him know what happened and how it is impacting you and let him know you would find it helpful if he could contact you. It *shouldnt* hurt to ask but I know some T’s are different than others.

I would let him know, when my Grandpa passed away my t was upset i had waited til the session. Letting him know gives him a chance to be supportive and I honesty feel he would be happy you reached out when you need him. Hugs.

I would reach out and at least give him a heads up so he can be prepared to support you at your next session and there could be relief for you in simply telling him.

I agree, and that should be fine if your T says one email between sessions is acceptable . I understand you may be wanting a response from him, or more of an exchange, but I want to second that if it is helpful to you simply to let him know already, that seems entirely appropriate. Hugs to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. HUGS Kit