Couch 209: The Kummer Couch

I've had that happen multiple times, though I always knew why I was not feeling well. It wasn't always connected to what we were doing, maybe you were triggered by something that was said or a memory?
I've never mentioned it to my partner, he'd not understand and it'd upset him in the moment. I'd usually go along with it, say my usual few sentences after and when he went off to shower I tried to use some of my usual coping strategies to calm me down.

I think people have mentioned it here. I will look for it, thanks. Harrowing is a good word for The Accident.

WFS, I’m so glad that you have such good friends. You deserve all the good things.

Thanks, CNS. I didn't say anything to H about it (and don't plan to), just tried to act normal, but went downstairs shortly after, saying I was wide awake (he was sleepy, of course). That's a good point that maybe something else triggered me. I'll have to ponder that. And I definitely will talk about it with Dr. T Thursday.

Why don't you plan to mention it to your H? I haven't had this exact thing happen, but there have been times when I've needed to talk about what works for me or what doesn't, for whatever reason. I've always appreciated giving and receiving that kind of feedback, and it helps me understand my partner better and feel closer to them. I could see wanting to process it with your T first if you feel confused or if it might be linked to a past trauma, but unless I'm missing something, it seems like it could be good to talk about with your H too. Pretending to be fine when you aren't never feels good.

You make some good points. I think I just feel bad because we aren't physically intimate that often (due to me), so I want him to enjoy the times we are. I think I'll talk about it with T first to try to figure out where it might be coming from.

Thanks Una O.

I looked up the trailer and this looks like something I might also like.

You might like The act ( about the Gypsy case.) I'm waiting to watch YOU season 2 which is released on the 26th.

I also watched a bit of '97 movie "the borrowers" just remember watching it a lot as a kid.

I just wanted to add "that often" varies for every couple and it's what works for you and your partner. I hope you can discuss this with Dr T. How many days left until he comes back?

Thanks, Lemon. I do know H wants that more than me (and I didn’t use to be like this—basically since we had D...or perhaps somewhat since we got married, which, ok, was 11 years ago...the marriage, that is). I see Dr. T Thursday. He said he’d be checking email, but I’m aiming not to do that (wrote him one last night but didn’t send).

Migraine today. I am sitting here in the dark next to the Christmas tree. The lights remind me of when I grabbed my pillow and the blanket my dear friend made for me and started sleeping on the couch...three years ago? Wow, three years ago. I remember leaving the Christmas lights on all night because they were so comforting in the middle of all the chaos and fear and grief, like a tiny promise of joy and peace. They still make me feel that way when I sit here in the lights, like I am right back in those moments learning to breathe again.

Good golly, Couch. I may not be divorced yet, but things are so so so much better.

This has happened more times than I can count.. it used to be pretty much every time we had sex, but it’s infrequent these days and actually only recently started happening again. It’s definitely not a good experience. I hope you can talk to Dr. T about it soon so that you don’t have to go through it alone.

Thanks and hugs, Summer. It helps to know you understand, but also sucks that you’ve dealt with it too.

LT, I am so sorry that happened. I do agree that it will likely be helpful for your h to know this at some point, but figuring out how to bring up that topic in a way that really makes it about safety and trust for both of you is tricky. Hopefully Dr T can help you figure out how to navigate that when (if) you are ready.

@@, I read a review of Cats and convinced my kid to see Star Wars instead. :P AND he's going with his dad so I am off the hook altogether.

I tried showing my mother the trailer. It seemed only to whet her interest.

I sent the husband off to see Star Wars by himself.

I went to the movies twice in 2019. That’s more than the norm.

LT-to answer your question. Yes. It was also the last time my H and I did anything. It’s been years.

I have no drive.

Between Cats and Star Wars - I would stay home. But Cats would win over Star Wars if I had to choose on pain of death or something. I am not a huge movie fan in general and I do like musicals if I have to see a movie - but I am a Rogers and Hammerstein or Lerner and Lowe sort more than AL Webber fan.

I cooked ground chicken breast and made burritos out of it. Used garlic and onion and added chick peas. I didn’t use the Xtreme Wellness Wraps. I used the full regular carb loaded 8 inch wraps and I don’t feel bad about it.

Bought a new treat toy for my Ds dog and they have changed the hole so that only their brand treats fit it. At least he likes to chew on it.

Could you crunch some with a hammer and get them in?

Thanks for sharing, Jersey. Hugs...

I will give it a go.

I really managed to mess things up for my son's therapy and I don't know how to fix it. He's been seeing the male T in the same building as my T since the end of September and his school based T. He really likes the male T. But we're being referred to in home therapy through CPS with a T through the same company the school based T is apart of. He'd stop seeing the school based one and transition to the in home for more intensive T. I feel like we're stuck now with this set up because of CPS. My son has actually been doing a lot better since seeing this male T, too, I think.

Those with animals sensitive to loud noises like fireworks and thunder—relief may be on the way.

Ford Creates A Noise-Cancelling Kennel To Protect Dogs From Fireworks Noises