[Merope]

Has anyone done this? I’ve thought about going into a session asking T to just ask me anything he wants to see what comes out. There are things I’d like to talk about, but I’m struggling to open up. Might be easier if he asks questions. He doesn’t strike me as the sort of person who would hesitate to ask questions he thought were important. Once, he asked me something that I didn’t want to respond to, but he pushed and eventually we had a very cathartic discussion. It was probably my best session. I want him to push harder, like he did then, but don’t know how to ask.

Does anyone have any experience with this?

[ArtleyWilkins]

LOL! Not laughing at you; I'm laughing at the idea of my own T ever not pushing me. I never had to ask him to; that was his usual MO.

Why not just tell your therapist what you just wrote? Sounds like you already know he is willing and able to push you a bit more. It might be interesting for him to realize you desire this, or maybe he'll reveal why he hasn't been doing so as much. It would be a good conversation to have.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I agree that you should tell him exactly what you wrote. Also, let him know that you want to be pushed harder in therapy. It would be a great conversation. Also, I think it is helpful to the T to know what their client wants or needs, it makes their job easier.

[Merope]

Thank you both! I think I should tell him but...I’m scared lol. I don’t want him to think I’m telling him how to do his job, or implying that what he’s doing most sessions isn’t working (it is working).

[coolibrarian]

It's an interesting idea. I have only a teeny, little problem with it. What if I ask my T to ask me something and she asks me a question I don't want to answer? Maybe I don't want to be pushed harder in therapy. Or, maybe it's that I don't want to be pushed harder about certain issues, in therapy.

[ScarletPimpernel]

L always asks questions to help me figure out and process things. It helps so much. It helps because if I get stuck, it helps keep the conversation going. It's almost like a collaboration.

[ElectricManatee]

My T likes feedback and would not be offended or think I am trying to tell her how to do her job if I suggested this. (Note: I have also tried to tell her how to do her job, and she only sometimes does what I want. She's wily like that.) This kind of suggestion from me would likely lead to a fruitful discussion, regardless of whether she thought it was a good idea to push harder not.

[Omers]

Yes! I reserved the right to not answer any questions I did not want to answer (he would not have agreed otherwise anyway) but he could ask anything he wanted. Many of the questions he asked surprised me as they weren’t things I ever would have though of talking about in therapy. T was hesitant at first but then when I didn’t get defensive he really got into it. I will admit I thought most of his questions were boring... like I have really bad teeth that I tend to be self conscious about... T asked why my teeth were so bad and if it bothered me so much why hadn’t I gotten them fixed. Weird. Anyway, the session was an awesome rapport builder between T and I even though none of the questions had anything to do with why I was in therapy. I would love to do it again once we get past all the stuff that feels really urgent right now. I think if we did it again T might ask more therapy related questions as opposed to just strange personal stuff.
You know, now that I am thinking about it... that session was kinda like the T version of a google search... he would never google me... so letting him ask anything allowed him the chance to see the person me rather than the client me. IDK... it was kinda fun, he was very thankful and it really helped build our relationship.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

It's an interesting idea. I have only a teeny, little problem with it. What if I ask my T to ask me something and she asks me a question I don't want to answer? Maybe I don't want to be pushed harder in therapy. Or, maybe it's that I don't want to be pushed harder about certain issues, in therapy.

You could answer something such as,

“I need to think about that.”
or
“Why do you want to know?”

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Originally Posted by Merope

Thank you both! I think I should tell him but...I’m scared lol. I don’t want him to think I’m telling him how to do his job, or implying that what he’s doing most sessions isn’t working (it is working).

I used to have that fear as well... I even brought that up and it helped to talk through it. T was 100% ok with me telling him what I needed, he tends to remind me that I am the expert on myself, so it's good to speak up if something isn't working.... I imagine most T's would feel similar.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

It's an interesting idea. I have only a teeny, little problem with it. What if I ask my T to ask me something and she asks me a question I don't want to answer? Maybe I don't want to be pushed harder in therapy. Or, maybe it's that I don't want to be pushed harder about certain issues, in therapy.

Just because they ask, that doesn't mean you have to answer. Just speak up and tell your T that you don't want to answer. I have this belief that therapy is really just mostly being able to bring up your thoughts and feelings about what is happening in that room. Even when I am doing trauma work with my T, it is still a lot of what I am feeling in the moment and how that links back to the past. The more transparent you can be, the easier it is to get to the heart of the matter/matters.

[Merope]

thank you all! I really like the idea of a session dedicated to strengthening the relationship. I think that although there are some things I would feel uncomfortable to explore, for the most part, I would find it easier to respond to a question rather than try to bring it up myself. I think it has something to do with my attachment style and the way I see my T (father figure). I'm anxious about the way he sees me and his opinion of me. I am worried I am too attached and that this annoys him, or makes me look bad in his eyes. I feel like I am too old to need him as a kid needs a parent figure. It's embarrassing. I feel like I want to talk about it but I find it hard to open up. I'd find it easier if he asked the questions. I don't know if he would agree. I have fears that I am THAT patient who exasperates the therapist with neediness and that even though he won't terminate me, he is looking forward to me not coming anymore. Sometimes I like to think he cares (I KNOW he does), but the doubts make it hard to accept it and I find reasons why he would be annoyed with me.

I'm in my 20s and yet whenever i am in session, I feel like a small kid. It's embarrassing. I'm so ashamed of this.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm in my late 30's and feel like a child with my Ts. You're not alone in that.

[Omers]

I am 42 and in session T usually comparisons me to his 18mo old granddaughter, I often feel like he is talking to me like he does his girls (in their 30’s)... but there are those moments when I know his wife just came flying out of my mouth. :ROFL: He can’t hide his facial expressions to save his life! But... he reminds me of a priest so I think that makes us about even in his world.

[Elio]

I'm 51 yrs old. There have been many more sessions where I have felt young/little with T than when I have felt adult. Very very few where I felt even close to 50.

BTW, my T is about 8 yrs younger than me. We concluded that our chronological ages didn't matter; that it was the age of the parts involved/present that mattered.

I am old enough to know better, but I feel very young with my therapist. Interestingly, I often see her as very young as well (she is most definitely not). It is important to me that she is chronologically older than me, I think I see it as permission to have maternal (amongst other) feelings for her.

If I asked her to ask me any question she wanted, she would laugh me out of the room and tell me to take responsibility for what I wanted to tell her. She doesn't make my sessions very easy.

[coolibrarian]

I recently turned 60. We are all learning and growing.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I'm late thirties and often feel about ten years old with my t. Sometimes even younger.

[Merope]

Thank you all! I feel a lot more accepting of the young parts now. I think I have to bring the shame up in session and try to work it through with him. I also think I’m projecting shame....I know logically that my T wouldn’t shame a client for attaching in a child like way. I need to open up more. I feel like we’ve reached a sort of threshold and I’m scared to go over it if that makes any sense? I’ve opened up about things I never thought I would open up about, but there’s more that I need to explore. I feel like I spent a year or so getting to this point and now it’s time to go further. I’m terrified and I don’t even know how to put this into words.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by kaleidoscopeheart

Just because they ask, that doesn't mean you have to answer. Just speak up and tell your T that you don't want to answer. I have this belief that therapy is really just mostly being able to bring up your thoughts and feelings about what is happening in that room. Even when I am doing trauma work with my T, it is still a lot of what I am feeling in the moment and how that links back to the past. The more transparent you can be, the easier it is to get to the heart of the matter/matters.

Believe me, I know this. But thanks for your comment.

My therapist is excellent at asking questions. I have told her she can ask anything. So she does.its hard some times, but always worth the effort.