[Crook32]

So I finally got a new job offer. It is a great opportunity and I need this job for my health. I told my therapist I was panicing that i would lose her. She said not to worry that we would work it out. Well today she said she has to check her schedule. she said we would have to drop the twice a week I see her and she would have every other Monday morning open. so she wants me to go from twice a week to every other week. She said there is a chance it would eventually be every week. Then she dropped the bombshell I had told her I was panicing about. she said they had other therapist with evening and weekend hours. she knows I don’t want to switch. now I feel like she doesn’t listen or care about my wishes. We have been together 5.5 years. I rely on her to fill in gaps I have in my memory. I don’t understand how therapist can just cut and run like that.

[~Christina]

Well T’s are human and they have a job/practice.. they must keep appts booked, they like everyone has to pay the bills.

I personally don’t think T’s should promise to be there forever. So many things can happen. They can move to other cities or states, stop accepting some insurances, maybe start a family and stay home the first few years and they could even die.

My T had never said he will always be there for me. We have always agreed as long as we both can work together we will.

You are making a wonderful change by leaving such a toxic environment, it’s likely you won’t need twice a week , every other week might be just fine since your stress will decrease.

I use to see my T weekly for 8 years, but financial things changed , I see him twice a month and yes it was hard to adjust at first but it’s gotten better , now instead of counting down 7 days until I see him it’s 14 once it was even 5 weeks because I was out of town, then he was.

You have very valid fears and to feel very upset but getting out of that toxic office will bring happiness back into your life

[winter4me]

It feels scary, to have big changes come so quickly but remember it isn't 'cut and run', it is trying to work out what is best for you and what your T has open for times. You might talk about trying another T if you find the every other week too little---but then again, the job may take up lots of your time and energy---and you may find every other week enough. Just remember these are normal life stressors. ((((((((hug))))))))

[LonesomeTonight]

Congrats on the new job! I'd be stressed about the T situation as well. Is the new job the sort of place that has flexible hours at all, where you could work longer one day and leave earlier another day or take a longer lunch break one day, as long as it all adds up to 40 hours (or whatever the standard is at that job)? If so, then you may be able to fit in at least a weekly session. Or if you have an understanding boss, you may be able to do a more unofficial leave early or take a long lunch, then make up the time later thing. My H's boss is like that (though he's also been there a long time). Or, you may not be able to do this right in the beginning, but if you're allowed to take leave in small increments, like an hour or two, you could possibly do that. So there could be solutions.

[Crook32]

So they have flex time but it is not as liberal as what I currently have. Right now her office is 12 minutes but it will be 33 minutes from the new place. I am just pissed off because she knew I was panicking about this and she assured me it would be ok and we would work it out. She knows I don’t want to change therapists. I always knew I couldn’t keep up twice a week but every other weeks seems too long. I guess I will start looking. Closer to the new office. I am really crushed and pissed at the same time. I have so many decisions to make that I don’t have time to add a T search to the mix.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Congratulations on your new position!

It sounds like that's the only opening she has at the moment but can foresee a time when a slot might open up in the future to get you to once a week. She can't bump another client out of their slot to accommodate you; you realize that wouldn't be right for another client but your anxiety about the change is understandable. It can be okay eventually; I suspect that's what she meant. She can't exactly wave a magic wand and immediately adjust everyone's schedule but she seems willing to work toward that adjustment -- it may just take a bit of time.

Why not try the every other week scenario in the meantime. You can look for another T if you wish, but your current T will still be in the mix in the interim. Who knows? You may find every other week works okay. Or, maybe things will change with her schedule in a reasonable amount of time to get you back to once a week.

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Congratulations on your new position!


It sounds like that's the only opening she has at the moment but can foresee a time when a slot might open up in the future to get you to once a week. She can't bump another client out of their slot to accommodate you; you realize that wouldn't be right for another client but your anxiety about the change is understandable. It can be okay eventually; I suspect that's what she meant. She can't exactly wave a magic wand and immediately adjust everyone's schedule but she seems willing to work toward that adjustment -- it may just take a bit of time.


Why not try the every other week scenario in the meantime. You can look for another T if you wish, but your current T will still be in the mix in the interim. Who knows? You may find every other week works okay. Or, maybe things will change with her schedule in a reasonable amount of time to get you back to once a week.

The only thing is we have known this was coming for over two years now. So we could have moved my time at any point during that time. I am pretty sure she had people leave. I think what hurts the most is she knew this was my biggest fear yet she kept telling me not to worry and now my fear is coming true.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm sorry you are experiencing a lot of fear and distressing emotions over this. I can see why it would be distressing. We come to rely on our T's. It seems like you have had a good relationship with this T for a while now, is that right? It might be worth going to once every other week for now, and waiting for a slot to open up for every week. I know that is hard. Maybe discuss with your T what other coping skills you have and other supports you have that can help you with the transition. I don't know where you are or what your DX is, but your work might be able to do an accommodation for you under the ADA. That is always difficult, I know, because it means revealing to your employer that you have x issue. But it might be worth checking into. See what your T has available first, and then you could always ask for the accommodation if that is a route you are willing to take. Some workplaces are very tolerant of medical/mental health issues and other's aren't. So you might want to feel your way around the organization and see how it is. But something to consider. Wishing you the best. HUGS Kit

[velcro003]

Ugh, I feel you. Due to insurance reasons, I have to drop down to every other week if i want to stay w my T, which i do. My T also gave me the option to find a therapist in my network, but she explained that she wants me to know i have the power to make my own decision in this matter, so maybe that is what your T was doing? Showing you all the options even if you said you want to stay w her.

I’m sorry you are dealing w this. I am also a combination of pissed and devastated at having to drop down to every other week.

[Crook32]

I am being stubborn now and canceled my Friday session too. I am not in the mood to see her right now. She had two years to do something and she did nothing. I will just have to find a T closer to my new job.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Crook32

So they have flex time but it is not as liberal as what I currently have. Right now her office is 12 minutes but it will be 33 minutes from the new place. I am just pissed off because she knew I was panicking about this and she assured me it would be ok and we would work it out. She knows I don’t want to change therapists. I always knew I couldn’t keep up twice a week but every other weeks seems too long. I guess I will start looking. Closer to the new office. I am really crushed and pissed at the same time. I have so many decisions to make that I don’t have time to add a T search to the mix.

Frankly, I'd be upset, too, if my therapist assured me that "things would be okay" then kinda left me. Maybe she believes that offering you the opportunity to see the other T means that things are okay. But then, I know people who won't see a therapist because of the unusual nature of the therapist-client relationship. Yes, they're doing a job - but it's not *just* a job.


That said, you're in the situation already, so something will work, one way or another. I do believe that the path will become more clear to you once you're in a kinder work place. Take it step by step.

I went through this a year ago with the therapist I was seeing at the time. The big difference was the change in jobs was sudden for me. But if I were you I'd try juggling things out with her first especially if you haven't already started the new job. Once you get a feel for the schedule and work you may find a way to work it out. Like that maybe your boss is willing to work with you so that you can leave early, or come in late if you can balance it by coming in early or staying late on another day to balance the work or some kind of set up.

I was probably more upset and internalizing a lot of the blame at the time, though I know she must have either felt guilty or something because she asked about me being upset with her even. We'd tried phone sessions and her assistant tried to help, but my new schedule was even worse and fluctuated way more than they initially implied. There had also been some scheduling mishaps for the first time since I'd been seeing her. Like her assistant would call if there was an opening, I'd accept, then it'd get canceled without a call to reschedule/confirm l had always received in the past. This left me feeling worse and zoned in on my always a burden feelings and that I'm unwanted, etc.
I think looking back, I try to keep in mind that I don't really know what was going on on the other end. That it's unlikely that she reassured me while also thinking there's a big chance that this might not work out in my favor. It's more likely she doubted the chance that my new job schedule would be inflexible that we'd have to stop. If I recall I think she even offered to write a doctor's note saying I'd had a standing appointment, but being new I knew this would result in me not keeping fulltime status and losing hours aka income that I couldn't afford to miss out on. But yeah this a sucky situation and during the transition to a new job can be extremely overwhelming, I hope you find something that works for you though.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Crook32

I am being stubborn now and canceled my Friday session too. I am not in the mood to see her right now. She had two years to do something and she did nothing. I will just have to find a T closer to my new job.

2 years ? Didnt all this trouble at your job come to a head when you hired an attorney for accommodations? Then they just kept dumping on you more and more to the point you were actively looking for a new job or am I confused on timeline?? I easily could be. I’m sorry if I am.

Why not call back and see her Friday... does she allow for communication between visits ? Phone? Email? Text? It’s possible that you and her could make something work , she could had a client quit T 3 weeks from now and it be a time that could work for you.

I’d personally give it a try before I find someone new and have to bring them up to speed about your life.

Good luck in whatever you decide

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

2 years ? Didnt all this trouble at your job come to a head when you hired an attorney for accommodations? Then they just kept dumping on you more and more to the point you were actively looking for a new job or am I confused on timeline?? I easily could be. I’m sorry if I am.

Why not call back and see her Friday... does she allow for communication between visits ? Phone? Email? Text? It’s possible that you and her could make something work , she could had a client quit T 3 weeks from now and it be a time that could work for you.

I’d personally give it a try before I find someone new and have to bring them up to speed about your life.

Good luck in whatever you decide

The time line is long and winding but about 2 years ago is when I started job hunting so we knew things would have to change. On top of all this the HR guy practically told me to renegotiate the offer. I feel weird doing that. I might try to get more vacation since I am losing about 12 days. Trying to figure out insurance is tough. Never had a choice before.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Crook32

The time line is long and winding but about 2 years ago is when I started job hunting so we knew things would have to change. On top of all this the HR guy practically told me to renegotiate the offer. I feel weird doing that. I might try to get more vacation since I am losing about 12 days. Trying to figure out insurance is tough. Never had a choice before.

I hope you can get things sorted out. Change is never easy. I briefly left Tennessee and spent 8 months in Florida. I found a good Pdoc but never a T, we moved back home and I couldn’t get back in with my T of 8 years, so I tried out this other guy, it was hell, I was furious I had to try and explain my life... I saw him about 6-7 times was off the wall suicidal out of frustration and ptsd wound up in the hospital and my GP wound up getting me back with my original T ( it’s a company across a Tennessee and into Kentucky)

Anyway long story short , I could no longer see my T weekly because of his schedule in a month or 2 he had a appt opening and I was able too , then my finances hit the fan so I had to cut back to bi weekly. It was really tough .. but for me ? Mentally ? I just can’t break in a new T .... I’ll drop out when my T retires.

Request more vacation days or whatever you can. Obviously they can tell your dedicated you were at your old job forever. That’s a good quality.

Good luck

[Crook32]

Caved in to see her Friday because I just found out she is on vacation next week. She never told me. I want to talk to her about this job offer but I am so pissed at her I am not sure I can.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Crook32

I am being stubborn now and canceled my Friday session too. I am not in the mood to see her right now. She had two years to do something and she did nothing. I will just have to find a T closer to my new job.

She was supposed to rearrange her practice schedule two years in advance on a prospect of one client possibly getting a new job? I guess I am not understanding this scenario. I understand you are upset, but I'm not certain she could have realistically done much differently. If you knew two years ago you needed this change, why didn't you ask for the change two years ago? I'm assuming it was because it wouldn't have worked with your schedule up until now. Likewise, it probably wouldn't have worked with hers.

Try not to shoot yourself in the foot by cancelling an appointment that you might need out of anger. Go. Talk things through. Work this out.

ETA: After I posted, saw you decided to go. Good decision.

[Crook32]

Really long story that goes back 5 years. Short version my two appts are mid day because I have the most flexible schedule of her clients. However when we knew I would eventually get a new job that probably wouldn’t be as close or flexible she was supposed to move my appts to to beginning or the end of the day as they opened up. She never did that and I wasn’t mentally at the best place so I didn’t push it. Mainly being depressed and thinking I would never get a new job. I know she had turnover during those two years and I could have gotten something better. Only ones I couldn’t get were evenings because the waitlist is like 3 deep. So we had a plan in place but we blew it.

[Crook32]

Sorry I know it is all confusing but it has been years in the making and I could probably write a whole novel here and still leave stuff out. Right now I am trying to focus on picking insurance that covers all my drs and my kids drs. Plus the kids are in the middle of getting braces which complicates things. Nothing is ever easy.

[Crook32]

It’s official, I signed the offer sheet. I start 2/18. Things feel pretty surreal right now. They gave me the extra vacation I requested. Should have asked for more but money really isn’t important to me and they were already giving me a big enough raise.

[SlumberKitty]

I hope the new job goes well for you @Crook32. It's great that they gave you extra vacation! Hope everything works out T wise for you as well. HUGS Kit

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Crook32

It’s official, I signed the offer sheet. I start 2/18. Things feel pretty surreal right now. They gave me the extra vacation I requested. Should have asked for more but money really isn’t important to me and they were already giving me a big enough raise.

Great news