[Crook32]

I just talked to a new therapist today. She does trauma work. My current T thinks it is a good idea but the new T won’t work with me unless I drop my current T. I don’t know what to do. New T was validating and allows phone calls, texts, and emails. Which is good because if we do trauma work I will need support. I am torn though because I don’t want to drop current T. But I know I have a lot of trauma to work through and it is now affecting my functioning. This is so hard. I don’t want to say bye to her over video.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Crook32

I just talked to a new therapist today. She does trauma work. My current T thinks it is a good idea but the new T won’t work with me unless I drop my current T. I don’t know what to do. New T was validating and allows phone calls, texts, and emails. Which is good because if we do trauma work I will need support. I am torn though because I don’t want to drop current T. But I know I have a lot of trauma to work through and it is now affecting my functioning. This is so hard. I don’t want to say bye to her over video.

That's really difficult... Would the new T maybe be willing to work with you for, say, a set 2-month period on a trial basis? And then you could decide if she's right for you? Or could you agree that you could still have a termination session (in person, whenever that could happen) with your current T if you decide to stick with her? Or...something like that.

[NP_Complete]

Does new T really need to know you're continuing to see current T? I'm not a big advocate for lying, but sometimes you have to take care of yourself.

When I was going to go do DBT for a while, the DBT place said I had to drop my current therapist. My current therapist was like just don't tell them. I wanted to continue to see him and he wanted to maintain our connection so we could continue when I was done. I ended up not doing the DBT, but anyway, that's one way of handling things.

[LonesomeTonight]

Good point...I consulted with a T once or twice without telling my current T until after the fact.

[Crook32]

Now the new T doesn’t have the times available that I was told she had. She is referring me to a coworker but I have never had a male therapist and I don’t think he does trauma work. I am so frustrated. I don’t know what to do.

[guilloche]

Wait - did the trauma T tell you that you had to leave your old T, then tell you that she couldn't see you, and try to refer you to someone else?

That seems so incredibly irresponsible to me!

Have you tried looking up the new T that she's referring you to (online to see if he has a website, or on one of the "therapist finder" sites)? That might at least give you a little information about him, to see if it's worth talking to him (whether you think you could work with him).

But - have you actually left your old T? At this point, if it were me, I'd be running right back to old T! Assuming old T has been helpful, supportive, and you have a good relationship, I don't think I'd want to give that up (just my personal opinion). If you need extra help, specifically around trauma, it seems like it would be helpful to find a trauma T that is able to work with your therapist? Even if you eventually end up moving to a (different) trauma T - I'd think it would be helpful to have a transition... where you maybe "taper off" from your old T, so they're able to support you as you move over?

I don't know, just some thoughts, but that new trauma T.. that would be a major red flag to me (not that she wanted you to not see your T, but that after that she tried to refer you). The whole thing just feels... unstable to me. And for trauma therapy, you really need something stable that you can count on!

Good luck, *hugs*!

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Wait - did the trauma T tell you that you had to leave your old T, then tell you that she couldn't see you, and try to refer you to someone else?

That seems so incredibly irresponsible to me!

Have you tried looking up the new T that she's referring you to (online to see if he has a website, or on one of the "therapist finder" sites)? That might at least give you a little information about him, to see if it's worth talking to him (whether you think you could work with him).

But - have you actually left your old T? At this point, if it were me, I'd be running right back to old T! Assuming old T has been helpful, supportive, and you have a good relationship, I don't think I'd want to give that up (just my personal opinion). If you need extra help, specifically around trauma, it seems like it would be helpful to find a trauma T that is able to work with your therapist? Even if you eventually end up moving to a (different) trauma T - I'd think it would be helpful to have a transition... where you maybe "taper off" from your old T, so they're able to support you as you move over?

I don't know, just some thoughts, but that new trauma T.. that would be a major red flag to me (not that she wanted you to not see your T, but that after that she tried to refer you). The whole thing just feels... unstable to me. And for trauma therapy, you really need something stable that you can count on!

Good luck, *hugs*!

Yes the trauma T told me I had to leave my current T. Then she said she wasn’t available when I was told she was. So she referred me to a guy in the same practice. I am still on my current T’s schedule and she gave me some referrals. This is all very stressful. Current T says she wants to keep seeing me until I am with someone new for a few sessions. She wants to make sure it is a good fit for me and that she doesn’t leave me hanging.

[nottrustin]

As somebody who did see 2 Ts I would recommend when you look for a new T you mention that you currently work with another T and would like to continue at least for thr time being. Explain that you are looking to work with them on trauma work.

I couldn't keep secret that I was seeing another T feomeither of them so I wanted to be completely transparent.