Don't want to go back

I did not spill water.

I did not pull the alarm.

The session was blah. I did not tell him I missed him. I had a hard time meeting his eye.

Back in the ball game.

I hate this.

Thanks Esther. He didn't miss me.

Peace.

ummmm.... did he say this?

=( are you sure? perhaps he was wondering if you missed him.

I'm sorry your sesson was 'blah.' I hate the 'blah' ones. They are worse than the angry ones for me because they are so much less engaging. Anger is a connection for me. A connection within disconnection. The blah sessions are just...... blah.

And exactly how do you know he didn't miss you??

Well,

When I was waiting I heard him laughing with the client before me. Then when the door opened they both had smiles. He looked at me and the smile disappeared. I felt like I had to go in there and be smiley/happy in order to gain his approval.

It colored the whole session. It sucked.

Sister, I'm sorry you didnt get that connection again....its hard, bloody hard!

omg that would pretty much ruin a session for me. Did you tell him any of this? Do you plan to?

Thank goodness my T doesn't have any other clients.

Haha, one day I will be in for a big surprise (maybe I'll walk in while he's hugging someone goodbye).

((Sister))

Pachy, I liked the quote.
Sister, Sorry that your session back was a bit blah...maybe seemed like not worth the wait. I liked the 'back in the ball game' attitude though. Consider your first session back as your warm-up with a good season ahead.

i don't believe T *missed* me, that would be an awful lot to expect. He said his break had been restful... what he does each day is his job, his WORK... how many people miss their job when on vacation? i said once before that i am willing to concede(sp?) that he probably does occasionally think of a client... but which one? Do i have a 1/20 chance? 1/50? Like what odds do i have and what does that depend on? Does he like about the ones he likes more, or the ones he likes the least, or the ones who have the biggest, baddest problems? This is all so very new and important for me, everything he says has significance to me, but he's been doing this for 20yrs... how much of what i say and do is just plain dull for him? i've only been seeing him 10months, i'm sure we haven't even gotten close to "interesting" yet. i do think he is a little hopeful tho because i want longer term and most people here don't.

i think if they missed us they would say so... they aren't that wet behind the ears (naive). Any T who has been around knows the way it goes for us. Unless a client is one of those who would develop some kind of extreme meaning from it, i think they would say something. So, to me, nothing is something and not the something i wanted

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
When I was waiting I heard him laughing with the client before me. Then when the door opened they both had smiles. He looked at me and the smile disappeared. I felt like I had to go in there and be smiley/happy in order to gain his approval.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I'm so sorry, sister. I can see that would get things off to a shaky start, especially the part about his smile disappearing when he looked at you. What does that mean? Maybe just that he knows you two have serious work to do and he doesn't want to minimize it by appearing too jokey.

My own kind of yucky laughing experience with T: Once he and the client before me were laughing loudly together and I could hear them really well, so I knew they must be right by the door, near his desk, where his computer was. I thought well, they're sharing some good laughs on the way out. No big deal. Then at the end of my session, he called me over to his computer, by the door, and showed me a couple of emails he had received from people with funny pictures in them. And he laughed at these as he showed them to me and I realized he was going through the same routine as with the last client, and I suddenly didn't find these pictures humorous at all. I tried to force myself to look at them and react as if they were funny, but all I could think was I was just one of many clients and T was running through his "end of the session routine" for that day and showing me pics he had already shown a dozen clients and laughing at them for the dozenth time. It was really awkward and awful.