Couch 214: The chihiro couch

Hugs...not pathetic, you're going through a lot right now.

Uuuugh and I was supposed to be off for a 10-day stretch but they put me on nights in the ICU which is hell because the attending isn't there. Just... eff everything.

Called him. Didn’t help.

Were you able to get past your last rupture with him?

I saw my t today. We talked about Zoom exhaustion. That was fun.

I'm just plain ol' exhausted.

I'm so scared of being homeless again. And I'm afraid of not being able to afford L. We're going to be talking about that tomorrow. I also did a little research tonight and found an email of someone from housing in my city. Maybe if we jump on things early enough we can prevent homelessness? I hope so. I refuse to be homeless again.

Just passed my anesthesiology exam! It was over zoom and I still kept coughing through it. xD (Exactly week two of my cough).

I had a week to study for it. They'd originally told us it would be in June, then changed their minds. Just two more exams to go- orthopedics and retake ENT.

Did H buy the car?

I agree it would be a good idea to get extra help. Does your are have a waiting list for subsidized housing, are there any benefits you could claim?

Hope you can get some rest!

Nope. I don't think that's pathetic at all. Could you message just saying that you needed contact?

I'm so proud of you for taking this step!



You deserve to be treated well.

Do you have a women's shelter in your area? Maybe they could give you a few numbers?

I think we got through the worst of it but I still feel pretty chilly towards him. (However, apparently because I am some sort of insecurely attached infant, I now feel like I need help from him even though I'm still mad and he's still not giving me what I need.)

Pretty sure that would have been the expression on my face as well...

Even if you were an insecurely attached infant it would be okay. You can need extra help from him despite being mad at him. Not getting what you need would be frustrating for anyone!

Did you bring up the comfort in therapy ?

Thanks, Lemon.

I've brought it up about a kazillion times and he says that he's trying to be more "empathetic." He doesn't seem to want to be outright reassuring or comforting. He's explained why but I don't really understand.

I do some volunteer communications work for a local public health organization (used to be on their board), and I'm supposed to send something out today. This one new board member is driving me sort of nuts. The others are very understanding and supportive because they know me (and my situation re: D at home, H working). Actually, I've mentioned that to this person, too. But she just doesn't seem to be listening to suggestions and explanations (like how Friday afternoon is an awful time to send out an email for a membership campaign), and it's like Aagghh! I really need to train some others in how to use this emailing program (Mailchimp) and take a backseat until all of this is over (like D can go to school or camps or whatever). I generally hate the term bandwidth because it's so corporate, but I have very little bandwidth right now...

That's frustrating. Dr. T has said stuff before about if he keeps reassuring me, then I'll always be dependent on him or another T. Which I don't think is true? He seems to have shifted on that since I came back in September and particularly with everything going on with Covid right now (I get the sense that he's struggling with the lockdown in various ways, too, so empathy is coming more naturally).


Maybe try explaining to him again? How what you need right now to get through all this (like working in ICU) is temporary, that you need comfort to be able to get through the days, that you're not going to be asking him for this indefinitely. It's just what you need right now.


Like...I don't know, say someone's partner broke their leg and had trouble getting around until it healed. That person might need to do a lot for them in order to help them through, take on most chores, shopping, maybe help them to bathroom, etc. But it's temporary, while they're dealing with the injury. Maybe that's a bad analogy, but perhaps something like that would help him understand what you need right now? Have you graphically described what you see day in and day out at work right now? Maybe that could help him get what you need as well? That you just need someone who can give you support and listen and be caring and reassuring?

That sounds extremely draining, LT. I hope you are able to find a workaround somehow.

Yes, he bought the car And he bought a new stereo system for it too And my dad has lost over $10k of our money to stock... They are just spending so much money. I tell them I disagree with them, and they won't listen. H thinks it's fair because I spend our money on therapy.

Before I met H, I had section 8 housing. Once we moved in together, I had to give that up. I am not currently on a waiting list, and I read yesterday that even if I was, it could take up to 10 years to get it Before I married H, I was getting social security. But I lost my benefits because we got married. I also had Medicaid which would give me more access to services, but I lost that when H got a job. I've lost all my services

I think, after today's session, I'm going to contact the housing lady I got the email for. It sucks too because I could divorce H to regain some of my services, but with the courts closed, I can't do that. I'm stuck.

Please don't judge me too harshly. I don't have much control in this situation.

Did he at least sell the Tesla? I know he may not be able to sell through Carmax right now, but could try listing it privately. Even to get some money for it. Or did he trade it in?


As for other services, your H lost his job, right? You should be able to apply for Medicaid again. Do you get SNAP? (formerly known as food stamps). Should also be eligible for that as well. I'd try getting in touch with social services to see if there's anything else you can get help with. In terms of losing the house, I think you rent, right? I know many locations are not requiring rental payments for certain time and putting evictions on hold, so look into that.

Also, didn't your H at one time express interest in driving for Ubereats or Grubhub? I think you said you'd have to help. I imagine those places are getting plenty of business right now (assuming restaurants are still open for delivery and carryout in your area). Maybe an idea to make some extra money?

As a childless cranky person - I would not understand why one child and one husband being at home would have anything to do with it - I would think that if the child was an issue (and admittedly - I was raised by completely authoritarian parents and so the idea of a child being a huge hurdle is a bit of a stretch for me) - the husband could handle the child. I know the two sides will always have some challenges with the other - but just giving a different perspective.

There are shelters around, I'm sure I can call them if i need. There's also legal advocates that I want to reach out to that I think can provide referrals.

I was thinking about reaching out to the person who runs my DV group, since she said she is available to all the ladies if we need. She might be my best bet since she knows the situation and works with CPS so she probably has numbers.

It's not just the child and husband being at home, but the husband having to be on work conference calls at the time, so he can't necessarily handle it. It's also a case of, they are throwing all these changes at me right at once and making all these demands, and I'm limited as to what I can do realistically if they want the email out by, say, 11 a.m. Like I keep sending out drafts, they keep making changes, at some point, I just have to say, "OK, sending it out now!"


And now they're all sending me thanks and appreciation saying how great the email is. The demanding one also emailed me separately to apologize.

Also, to clarify, this is not my job, but a volunteer thing.

My one guinea pig is lying down in the pile of hay while eating it... Yeah, it's adorable...

Can you just live stream some guinea pig cuteness or something? Having a hard day over here.