Couch 214: The chihiro couch

I know - that is my nightmare scenario.

Anyone had to go to the dentist during this mess?

I needed a crown a few weeks ago, and my dentist was closed, so I ended up at some sketchy place out of a horror movie, b/c my dentist could not refer me to anyone.

Now the tooth above my crown + the one next to it have been throbbing, so I need to be seen again. My dentist said it's not an emergency (don't think he can decide that w/out looking at me), and offered me a $120 virtual consult after saying virtual consults were free on facebook video. I called them out on that one, so now I have a free consult in an hour, but already scheduled an appt. w/a family member's dentist for Monday.

I understand if my dentist's office doesn't want to be open, but don't decide I don't *need* to be seen & then try and scam me out of $120.
And what good is a virtual consult, anyway?

If I thought my head had a nice enough shape, I would have shaved my hair off years ago. I don't think I would really know for sure though until all of my hair was gone.

Tie dyed gauze dresses.

I finished my 1,000 word thesis-driven essay that's due tonight and got it turned in. Go me! I wrote it about how the movie Matilda follows Campbell's Hero's Journey.

eta: we had to choose a current movie for this essay and I had stumbled upon watching that movie last weekend, started noticing things, and took notes for my essay while I was watching it. I ended up with enough that applied so I used it. I was going to rewatch Avatar and do it on that, but ran out of time....

Well H finally asked to have the kids for 2 nights today at his mom's. He was trying to say that he could stay in my father's RV in the driveway for 2 days and I told him no. It's not hooked up yet for the summer and that's too close to just walk in the house and have something go wrong. I didn't say that part, just said no. So he's going to take the kids tonight until Saturday afternoon to his mom's. I'm trying to be civil and not deny him visits.

Talked to my son's in home therapist and asked about if they still want to have me opened up to them, and I said I'll agree but that I didn't want to have the same her as my therapist. I dont think that would be appropriate for her to be talking to H every other week for my son's therapy and also doing individual with me. She's going to check if the male T on the in home team has openings. At least this way it cuts out everyone trying to communicate and I'm doing what CPS is recommending. Maybe this will be good.

No.more.Zoom.classes.

(Except for the lifelong learner short classes this summer and fall.)

That is provided my university is able to be in-person in the fall, which is the plan, as announced this morning.

I am about to start summer school zoom in about 3 weeks

Zoom is gonna be the word of the year. One of them. I mean its gonna be historic. Like 23-skiddoo.

Eta - instead of way, no way; it'll be zoom? No zoom!

Time’s Person of the Year. Well, if it isn’t something barfy like The Indomitable Human Spirit instead.

Person of the year is gonna be a canadian - Pluto Living. See youtube.

or "we're all in this together"

Well, kids are with H over at his mom's. I wanted to cry when they left. I haven't been alone for a day or 2 since I got out of the hospital last month.

I start teaching summer school in two weeks but I'm not doing zoom. I'll record the lectures and the students can watch them when they like. Actually, one class gets to choose so I guess I might end up doing zoom with them... it's a course that tends to engender high levels of anxiety so it might be worth it if it helps keep the anxiety levels down.

I'm feeling very lonely tonight although I just talked to my sister yesterday and my friend tonight. I am thinking about how isolated I am and how most of my social connections are older than I am. (Siblings are all at least 8 years older than me, friends are all at least 10 years older.) I'm afraid I'll have no one with me at the end. I'm only 47 but I'm depressed so these are the thoughts that go through my head. I'm also thinking about my mother's illness and passing. So not a good night for me.

I'm actually looking forward to summer school. I've been on sabbatical and haven't had enough structure this semester. Add on to that the morass of blah that is "stay at home" and it's nearly unbearable.

On the bright side I lost a couple pounds so that cheered me up a bit.

I told my therapist my catchphrase for the pandemic is "we're all in this alone". I'm feeling so very isolated.

I think it is some of the lamest propaganda ever.
Rosie the Riveter would be shaking her head.
When you ride alone, you ride with hitler.

I am watching a DCI thingy - I remember being that earnest about marching band. Just a little geeky nerdy nostalgia.

EM- I've been ordering produce from our local restaurant produce supply, then doing weekly porch deliveries (mask, wash, etc. when I divvy up the bulk orders and deliver them). I started putting aside extra books and puzzles we don't need, or cutting flowers from my yard and putting them in empty soda bottles, then doing drop offs or swaps of things that will just bring joy to people. My sis and I did a porch puzzle swap. I even came home with hand sanitizer that a friend left out for me the other day.

It's low contact and gets me out of the house. Makes me feel sort of useful.

Our medical centers are opening up soon for nonemergency procedures, but not the hair salons. So I get to go for my colonoscopy.

Hmmph. Not the same.

I loooooove DCI.

Think of it as an inside-out Brazilian!

Within a good therapeutic relationship, honesty is superior to trying to hide, right?

Yep. L always tells me "Come as you are", and bpth of us agreed to be honest no matter what, even if it's a hard truth. However, honesty and openness are different. L tells me if I'm not ready to talk about something or if the topic needs to be changed, that that is okay too.

Thanks, Scarlet. I'm having difficulty with the 'being here now' aspect of this quarantine.
The small amount of physical contact I have had with R is grounding for me, and helpful for her.

I'm feeling quite anxious about what that might look like in the future, and I've started an email that I almost don't want to send.

I contacted someone from my city who deals with homelessness. I have a 10am phone call with her (in 7 hours). I'm super nervous. But I know that this is necessary and will hopefully give me resources and maybe hope that I won't go homeless because of my dad's and H's reckless spending. I'm hoping for 2, maybe 3 things: some sort of assistance on rent, maybe a case manager to help guide me, and maybe financial assistance to some how help with the cost of therapy. Rent, insurance, and therapy are our biggest bills. Oh, and food. I proved to H that Starbucks is costing us a lot per month as well. So we bought a coffee machine to reduce that bill. I'm also trying to eat and make fresh food instead of eating out. It's healthier and cheaper.

I hate talking on the phone, and I'm really nervous about talking to this lady. But I really really hope she has some suggestions and resources for us.

That sounds great, Scarlet. I hope they're able to help you, and I hope you can be assertive about what you need.

They are reasonable needs after all.

Good luck!