[SweetCrusader]

I feel like I can sort of begin to relate to my T as I do my coworkers in some respects now... it's made me have sympathy for her, and it's an interesting experience.

*****Warning: If you're struggling with feeling insecure about T & their feelings for you, this may bother you....******

Although I'm not a T, I'm a case manager. I found myself last session talking about how difficult it is to have a moment's peace in the day to work on case notes, because my clients all live in the building that I work in and therefore think I should be available constantly when I'm at work. They all like to pop in on me. Although I care about all my clients, and like them all... and even enjoy that they check in with me. (I can recognize and appreciate that they trust and are becoming attached to me)... I also need to have time to do my case notes and other paperwork, and I need a place to retreat to when the emotions of my work are too strong and I need processing time. I don't have that. We don't have a staff lounge, and my office has big windows and a glass door.

Anyway, I was talking with T about all this, and she started relating. She said she really likes the house she uses as an office now because she closes off a section of it for the "waiting room" and then has the rest of it to roam around in. She said, "I like that I don't have to see anyone until I am ready [in the right space] to see them, know what I mean?" I knew exactly what she meant, and I wasn't bothered at all by it like I would have been at one time. She said in her old office, she'd walk out just to go to the bathroom and get stopped and asked to sign a paper, or talk about something, or whatever. That always happens to me, too.

It was a weird experience being able to relate to T like that. Made me think about all the times I called her at home when I was in crisis. There was even a time in my therapy when I emailed her pretty much daily, heavy stuff, too. And she answered me pretty much daily, on her own personal time.

I've really come to appreciate the sacrifices she made for me. I don't know if I'll be able to handle as much as she does when I become a T.

I think every one has to know their limits, including T's. Yours will be different than your T's. And yours will change at different points in your life. At the beginning of your practice, your boundaries will be fuzzy and your limits will be short. That's a very tough time. Triggers abound! Yikes. Eventually, you'll figure out what you can handle, what you can do to stay healthy and strong....and over time, that strength will increase.

From what I have read, you are going to be a great T!

[(JD)]

No one beginning a bachelor program is ready for the doctoral level, and would faint if that's what they had to know the first year. If you take a good educational course/journey you will be ready when you get there. With practicum, you will learn the parameters of good therapy and self care, and still have someone to remind you about their importance. You're already learning what you think you will like or not, and though that might change, it is your foundation at this point.

Regarding others stopping and taking your time... there are ways to limit that, and to limit the time. We are taught to be polite when we greet others, and to stop and give them full attention and body language. But, when caught in the hallway, i.e., keep walking! Make eye contact, smile, greet them, maybe wave...but keep walking to your intended goal. (A sense of urgency helps, as though you ARE on the way to the restroom!) You might "learn" a variety of phrases that are polite but don't involve any long explanations. HEY! Good to see you... maybe I'll catch you later... well, you make your own that work for you and your environment. Good wishes!

[Perna]

Yes, what interesting conversation, insights and identification with your T. Hope you can use that.

I'm sure you will use your experience now when you're a T too. I think your knowledge of how many clients you have/can work with, etc. will help you stay "comfortable". Are you allowed to, have you tried covering the window? True, only those clients who are braver might knock to see if you are there but that might cut down on some of the distractions. Maybe a note on the door; "if window covered, in private meeting" (with yourself :-) and just not overdo covering the window.

[MissCharlotte]

I feel this same way as a teacher in a high school.

I teach resource room and literacy for learning challenged students and my students pop in on my all day long even when they are not assigned. That means during my prep periods as well, so there is never time to get any of the administrative or planning parts of the job done. But I love these kids and want to help them as much as possible, so how can I say no when they need a quick consult on a research paper or a difficult assignment or just to vent?

I think it's really nice that you have found a way to connect to T, by sharing a common experience.

[SweetCrusader]

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At the beginning of your practice, your boundaries will be fuzzy and your limits will be short. That's a very tough time. Triggers abound! Yikes. Eventually, you'll figure out what you can handle, what you can do to stay healthy and strong....and over time, that strength will increase. From what I have read, you are going to be a great T!

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ty Campanula . I have really needed to hear that! Are you a T? I have compared myself to my T, and felt really inadequate and afraid to become a T. My T seems superhuman sometimes, I swear. I don't know how she does all that she does, and stays healthy. But she manages very well. Overall, she seems very very happy with her life. I, on the other hand, have been getting burned out and feeling like I'm going under. I feel like 40 hours of my job is too much each week and doesn't leave me enough time to recuperate, and take care of my own needs It's had me feeling incompetent.

ty Sky for your suggestions.

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Are you allowed to, have you tried covering the window? True, only those clients who are braver might knock to see if you are there but that might cut down on some of the distractions. Maybe a note on the door; "if window covered, in private meeting" (with yourself :-) and just not overdo covering the window

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Perna I have blinds on my windows I can close, but still have a big glass door. Unfortunately the city housing authority (property managers for the building I work in) won't allow us to cover our doors or even put blinds on them. I've tried hanging a sign up. People pop in anyway. One client even said "can I interrupt your lunch?" after noting that my sign said I'm at lunch please come back later. Another, I told him I could not let him in his apartment because I was on my lunch. He said, "oh it's ok, I needed to chat with you first anyway" and sat down in my office. I told him, "I need some time to myself to eat my lunch. I'm not working right now. When I finish, I would be happy to talk to you."

I can (and do) tell them I'm not available right now, but it just gets tiring to have to do that over and over again. Once you're interrupted, you're interrupted. You know? And I don't like feeling like I have to hurt my clients' feelings by turning them away when they feel they "need" me, and I just want to eat lunch. I know it's not personal, and certainly not a rejection of them. But I also know that on the client end, it doesn't feel the same as it does on my end. On the client's end, it hurts

ty sister for sharing your experience, too. Sounds a lot like mine.

Sorry to vent everyone.

[SweetCrusader]

I told my T I was gaining sympathy &amp; appreciation for her, and asked her how she is able to be so available all the time. I liked her response. It's something she's said before back when she used to be my professor (about four years ago or so), but it has new meaning for me now. I thought everyone here would appreciate it to, so I'll share it:

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So...., you are beginning your career-long struggle with boundary issues, eh?! Yikes! Well, get used to it. This one never really goes away, and every professional resolves it differently, depending on their own values, temperament, and personal life situation. My own approach is to be as up-front and honest as possible, framing the situation as my issue rather than theirs. (Because my reactions are indeed my issue). Remember that paraphrase I once shared with you? I never forgot it, and it has guided me through all these years. It was written by a client, who was referring to being called "needy." She said, "Everyone needs what they need, and if you can't meet those needs, then tell them the g*dd*mn truth." (instead of blaming them, that is).

So I just tell people what needs I can meet, and what ones I can't, and why. That says nothing about their needs -- right or wrong, good or bad, too much or too little. People need what they need, and I don't think it's fair to judge them for that. Nor do I think it's fair to hide behind a professional role, and pretend that we are totally calm and capable at all times. We have as much or more need for downtime and self-care as everyone else.

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I love my T. She is so amazing! She's so good at finding the balance between sincere compassion... and good self-care. One good thing I definitely have in my favor is that by the time I start my career, I will have worked for years in my own therapy with this woman as my role model. I appreciate and agree with her values. Sometimes I wish she was my clinical supervisor at work, too, because she helps me figure out how to think about things in such a way that it helps me find my balance.

I am going to work on remembering and implementing her words here when it comes to dealing with all the challenges of my work(including having no place to retreat to!). And in dealing with her, too. I'm starting to see T more as a fellow human being, instead of an object there to keep feeding my hunger, and soothing my pain.