Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

I feel like I made the right decision to stop seeing Pastor T. I feel relieved mostly. He was so constrictive. He did help me in some ways. And I'm thankful for that. I picked up a thank you card that had a huge cup of coffee on it like you would get from Starbucks. He loves Starbucks. I hope he is amused. I do thank him for the time he spent with me but I'm not regretting my decision. It was way too stressful seeing him.

PSA: If you think your T might have overcharged you, be careful when you investigate. As you may realize that, in fact, you owe *him* money. But he was very kind about it and is actually only charging me half of what I owe him ($100 instead of $200) because he said it was partly due to his carelessness and partly a reward for my honesty. I also learned that my T sucks at accounting, and also math.

Also, phone calls about finances are sort of awkward, especially if you've just had an emotional session an hour before.

(This all stemmed from a fraudulent charge that my credit card alerted me to that led me to carefully scour my statements for the past couple months.)

It sounds like he knows very well that they are not, but is pushing the boundaries every chance he gets. Please be safe.

Hey guys, if you could be anyone you wanted to be for like a week, living, or dead, or made up, who would you want to be? I want to be a mix of Mary Poppins and Alice in Wonderland. One I want to experience what it is like to clean just by singing and snapping my fingers and two, I would love to be able to escape into another world. I would also like to be Beth in Little Women before she dies, an astronaut, Madame Curie, Charlotte Bronte, someone who works at Disneyland--although that might spoil the magic! Maybe some other people. I would need multiple weeks. Just not in a row. I would want to go back to being myself in between.

LT, that awkwardness was why I've always loved a therapist with office people to handle the financial end. Completely eliminates that issue.

LT, in my book you get credit for bringing this up to your T. I wouldn't have been able to. I am still paying my T a copay even though I have reached my maximum out of pocket contribution to my insurance for the year!

Update on the situation with my Spanish professor - she sent me the following email today:

You may use your English-Spanish dictionary or your textbook to complete the regular VHL homework. However, stay away from electronic translators and other people tranlating for you. I cannot properly assess your understanding of the material and provide appropriate feedback when you do not work through the exercises yourself. Remember that the objective of the homework is not to get a perfect grade, but to learn and practice the material.

The bolded part is kind of bizarre because 90% of the exercises have unlimited attempts allowed - so why wouldn't I aim for a perfect score? It even highlights what you got wrong for heaven's sake! I would have to just be lazy to not take advantage of that and earn 100 whenever possible. If other students aren't doing that, I have no idea why. It is true that I don't always have to have a second attempt, but that's because the online learning system is designed really well to help you learn and retain the information. Plus, if I feel like I didn't absorb everything, I rewatch and redo the retention exercises before doing the more complicated writing activities.

I just don't get it. I feel like I'm not doing anything special or that any other student would be unable to do, but she's acting like my performance is so unnatural that the only explanation is that I'm using translators or a Spanish speaker.

I kind of wish I could go take a test in person to prove I'm doing my own work...

Agreed--it was like that where ex-T and ex-MC worked (same practice). And my p-doc is like that as well.

Have you considered maybe taking French instead in order to not have to deal with someone who seems to have you in her sights from the get-go?

I don't know. Maybe having to deal with the financial aspect of the relationship is part of the work. Just because you deal with a front office doesn't make the fact that you pay them not exist.

That's a good point. It does help reinforce the reality of the relationship, and maybe it's helped the transference stay more at bay in this case. Though Dr. T will also make some comments like, "Well, I do have to pay the bills" if I say I appreciate his being will to see me 3 times a week lately. Or the one really awkward time, I think last year, when I thanked him for being willing to see me for an extra session, and he said it would allow him to buy a solar-powered iphone charger. I understand he was trying to say he got something out of it as well, but it also sort of felt like he got this fun tech item out of my suffering...

No, that just seems like the wrong thing to say. I would probably find those comments hurtful. The things my therapist says are usually in the context of him caring about me and it's not because there's money involved.

Isn’t that one of sd’s theories why therapists become therapists?

Have her watch you take one on Zoom.

Una, of course!

Thats made-up, right?

You’re as real as my iPad screen!

Earlier sat through the school president talking about reopening in the fall. Masks and smart thermometer checks for all students. Possibly shortened semester. Staggered student attendance. Classrooms to be set up with Zoom so staggered attendance is possible. Salary cuts. Plastic shields for faculty to teach behind.

Sounds like fun.

Yeah, I think he was trying to not make me feel bad about the extra session, but he went about it in the wrong way. Once I said to ex-MC that it feels like he only cares because I pay him, and he said, "You can pay me to do my job, but you can't pay me to care." Like he chooses to care. That meant a lot to me.


I know that Dr. T cares about me, even if it's not something he expresses much, and that he'd only say "I care about your well-being" or "I care about your success." Though once I asked more about that, and he said it's not the amount of caring, it's the type--professional caring vs. the "I care about you" in personal life.

But it's more that I can now tell from his actions, how he acts toward me rather than his words. It's taken a long time to get there though.

How will you do with students wearing masks and your hearing loss? Won't that make it more difficult for you not being able to see their mouth while they are speaking? And won't a plastic shield make it harder for them to hear you?

True and my city was ordered to close them even earlier this weekend because of the riots. I went at 6pm last night and they had already closed and tonight they've also closed by 6pm instead of 8:30pm. Not that much of a difference and I just went this morning instead to get what I needed.
Our city also has a curfew now too until further notice.

About to do my virtual paint night. I'll share it when I finish.

I asked that very question. I did not get a satisfactory answer.

I don’t lip-read, but yes, seeing someone’s mouth moving does help a bit. Lip-reading by itself is only about 50% effective, and hearing people use it as a reason not to adjust their own behaviors: “oh they can just lip-read.” That was kind of the answer I got in the session.

I hear just fine and seeing someone's mouth when they're talking helps me figure out what someone's saying, like if it's a noisy environment or they're just mumbling a bit. And with the masks everything's muted a bit already.

It is indeed. But I only hired those who had no receptionist. I did not want them hiding behind a facade that it wasn't a pay to play service. Tossing money on the table between the therapist's chair and her horrible couch before walking out was the best part of the appointment.

My husband said something pretty funny, but I agree. Is it too late to hitch a ride on the Dragon 9? I want to get the hell off of this planet.

So far no salary cuts at my uni. We will open 3 weeks early in fall and conclude the semester before Thanksgiving, which I think is the right call.

We're supposed to do staggered attendance too but honestly it would be easier to just do it all online. (I teach graduate classes so students can handle it just fine; I might feel differently if I taught freshmen or sophomores.) Anyway, I'll be pitching for my classes to be all online and see how far I get.

I really wish I had taken German since I took that in high school and it comes easier to me than Spanish, but I'm stuck with Spanish for three reasons. First, I can't get a refund at this point since the drop period is like two days after classes start during summer school. Second, if I did drop, that would mean I would have to take language classes in the spring/fall in order to graduate in the spring, and every time I take more than 4 classes, it's a **** show. Third, since I failed Spanish the first time, I need to retake it in order to replace the F so it won't keep hurting my GPA.

Why the salary cuts, @@? I hope if they're cutting faculty salaries they're cutting the bloated salaries of the muckety mucks, too.

ETA - This may be an unpopular opinion, but if I were the one footing the bill instead of my parents, I'd be kind of bitter about paying $600 every semester for athletics - especially when my uni isn't even a division I school. Doesn't seem right to cut salaries.