Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

They make it easy with the boy characters. This is just plain discrimination!

Go for Tangled next.

I thought it wouldn't be good but I loved it.

You're allowed to try different T's and haven't led him on.

So I have had the pleasure of having been awake since 4. So I decided to be productive and caught up on schoolwork and finished hanging the lights in the bedroom. Take that, depression!

I also see a nap in my future.

Blargh. Tough session. Not truly gut-wrenching but ended a bit abruptly as I was having difficulty telling T something and sort of blurted it out at the last minute so we couldn't really process it. Ack. I wish it hadn't taken me like five whole minutes to build up to it because then we could have spent a few minutes talking about what I'd shared instead of just being like "interesting, k bye!"

(I'm being facetious; it wasn't actually that bad, it just didn't feel great. My fault entirely.)

I saw part of it. Was it with all the lanterns? That was sweet.

That's the one.

Hugs, I've done the same thing numerous times, where I take time to build up to something then share it right at the end. Or I decide partway through that I'll hold off on sharing it, then start getting teary near the end and realize that I *need* to share it so then do. It sucks. A few times recently, Dr. T has sort of stopped me if I seemed about to share something big near then end, like, "Do you want to just wait until next time and we can start with it?" Sometimes I'll share anyway, other times I'll opt to wait.

When do you meet with him next?

Thanks, LT. Next session is on Friday, but I emailed him just now anyway.

ETA: T doesn't usually respond to my emails unless they're about scheduling or whatnot but he made an exception and responded to this one. He said he was very glad I shared what I did and gave me some suggestions about where we might go from here. It wasn't, like, overly reassuring (I'm working on not needing as much reassurance these days, which T is very much on board with) but it did make me feel better.

Is everybody else as constipated as i am?

Nah, just morose and depressed. Well, me, anyway.

No just full of self-hatred and sabotage myself.

I was at a socially distanced bbq.

My painting from today. Probably my favorite one I've done so far out of the handful I've done since quarantine.

In other news, trigger for mention of sh.

Oh, I like your painting!

Wow, I love your painting!!!

I'm sorry that things are so difficult right now

I see her tomorrow and I'll update. Anything will help, really.

A local brewery is doing this beer-tasting-at-home thing where you pick up a package of assorted beers from them and then they have a guided tasting session over Zoom. Tonight is IPAs and next week is beer and cupcakes--I haven't tried it yet but I'm looking forward to giving it a shot!

Not sure what to do with the next twelve hours, though. I had thought about going to the shore but the weather is supposed to be sort of crummy (cloudy, windy, might rain) so that no longer sounds especially appealing.

Took another walk/run like a good little sad person. It’s warmer out than I thought—I am one sweaty human!

My sister got drunk last night and went crazy. Her boyfriend is going to tell her CPS worker what happened. She's probably going to lose the girls I know it's not my fault or my problem, but it does affect me and my family. We'll probably never see the girls again.

No, but i think i need to go live in a very deep cave for about a month or 6 or 10 years...

Hugs, Scarlet, I'm so sorry. Maybe it's partly post-partum psychosis or something, along with the drinking? And she could get treatment, then possibly get them back?

Had a very odd dream last night. I was in an SUV somewhere, lots of trees, stopdog was driving and I was in the back seat and LT was there and so was una. knowing it was y'all without knowing what you look like is interesting. haha anyway sd drove the vehicle into a lake for some reason and while it was slowly sinking i rolled down my window and was able to somehow paddle the car to the dock with my arms, and these guys came and helped us get out of the vehicle before it sank. totally weird! When I woke up I swear my arms felt tired.

I haven't been feeling well. I said as much on Friday to the CFO. She just said she was sorry I wasn't feeling well. We texted some yesterday on the holiday (Memorial Day) and I told her a little more. This morning she asked me how I was feeling which I wasn't completely honest because she said she was more worried about me and that made me feel bad.


I texted two of my friends yesterday but they didn't text back. I'm worried that I am overwhelming them so I'm not going to text them for a while. Or if I do, it's just gonna be a "hi, how are you?" sort of text. Nothing deep. I talked to Pastor T last night. We are still going to go every two weeks. He said if I see him every week I have to have more goals to work on and I don't have them. I just have the one big one. So I'm not going to like make stuff up just to talk to him more so it's every other week right now. That's how often I speak to Regular T too. I don't know. I don't even think it matters. I think I'm beyond help.