Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

Holy carp scarlet! Does he never go to the doctor? Is he a veteran? You might have to get some home health care in to deal with this. Otherwise this could be senior abuse? Could he be considered a person in need of supervision? Now that you are renting, not owning, if the city comes to inspect the property (my city comes every three years, i HATE it), i would be concerned, even if his well-being is not necessarily in their purview.

He went to my doctor last year. He hates doctors. Says they're only good for 2 things: giving pills and cutting things out. She gave him some meds to take, but they're too expensive for him. She ordered some labs, but those were too expensive too. This year he has a new insurance, but still doesn't want to see a doctor. He believes supplements and herbs are the cure for everything.

We don't have city inspections. We do have apartment inspections. I just cleaned his room. Six bags of trash! But it's clean now. I clean his bathroom every week too.

I don't think it's elder abuse when he's not actually in my care. He rents a room from us. He just gets the benefit that I'm hos daughter and will do more for him than a roommate.

We also feed him. He's on an oatmeal kick right now, and then we always have dinner for him.

Oof. What is the reason that he doesn't bathe? My first thought is to keep it simple and direct ("Dude, you stink, take a shower") but I guess it depends on what's preventing him.

Maybe you could convince him that he needs to soak in a bath with essential oils or epsom salts or something. Epsom salts are good for aches and pains, I hear.

Does he need a shower seat, a hand held shower head, any other assistance? I feel for you (AND your dad), i know how reluctant i am to ask for any kind of help. But i also had to figure out for myself what i needed and order it from amazon, and i could probably do a better job. I could use like a high school guidance counselor for old age!

Scarlet, you really need to put down some expectations for cleanliness (of room and personal hygiene) with your father. This is not okay for you and definitely not okay for him. My 90-year-old post-stroke father can keep up with a small apartment and hygiene, and if he needs help he has access to that kind of help (hasn't previously but probably will now that he's had another stroke). Your dad may need some "teaching" on how to work things out - trash can/bags; expectation to take dumpster once a week or something - shower/bath no less than once a week (honestly should be about every other day) - see if he needs hand grips on wall of shower or a shower seat/stool. Hand him a dust rag. Get him clorox wipes for his bathroom and ask that he use them once a day on his sink/toilet. Once the shower is clean, buy shower spray and ask him to use it each time he uses the shower. If he can walk, he can run a vacuum - my husband runs the vacuum AND pushes a walker at the same time. This is your home, and part of renting a room from you is respecting your home. But you will probably need to walk him through this for awhile since he's been allowed to go so long without these basic skills. Walk him through it - don't do it all for him.

Had my session today with T2 while driving...well my friend is not me. Didn't go too badly, but I was definitely distracted and didn't want to talk about the SUI/SH/H stuff in front of my friend. She knows the basics of what's been going on but still feels too intrusive to talk about that stuff to T with anyone around. I don't even talk to him about it when I'm at home with him because my kids are around. We're going to try to meet again on Thursday since he's out of town next week. I'm thinking more of dropping T1 and doing the in home and T2 instead. Might be more helpful and beneficial that way.

Hugs, Daisy, stay safe.

So, a few hours after I spent much of my Dr. T session talking about how ex-MC didn't reply to my email (where I was upset he'd BCCed Dr. T), of course, he replied.... And it was an apologetic and caring email. In what I'd sent him, one thing I said was how his BCCing Dr. T made me think maybe it wasn't OK to still contact him. So if he didn't want me contacting him anymore (or just like once a year), to let me know, I could handle whatever he said. In his reply today, he said he was sorry that he upset me (explaining that he didn't want Dr. T to find out he was talking with one of his clients behind his back) and that it was still OK to contact him. He ended with "Take care of yourself, LT. Stay safe." It wasn't what I was expecting and made me cry.


Part of me wishes he'd emailed me before the Dr. T session, but honestly, a lot of seemingly important stuff (and tears, on my end) came out today (may share more later), so perhaps it's for the best he didn't email until later today (I'd emailed him Wednesday).

My T is going to call me around 6:30 PM. She put XOXOXOXO on the bottom of her text. Secretly I love this, although outwardly I'm pretending I don't. She's precious. Kit

Waiting for my pdoc to call re my ridiculous symptoms as of late. Also have an appointment with new therapist on Wednesday.

We were told today to not expect returning to working in office until next year. So SEVEN months from now. When this all started, I had a panic attack in my therapist's office because I didn't know how to deal with what I suspected would be 2 months of WFH. We're on week 13 now. I seriously don't know how to do this for that long.

Hugs, NP. I am feeling similarly, having heard that I will still be working online in September. Work is a major factor in my stability...and online doesn't cut it.

I was sent some really nice mixed nuts except that there are brazil nuts. Does anyone actually like brazil nuts? I usually toss them out for the squirrels

I love brazil nuts! I hate that the nearest NutShop is 8 hour drive away. It means i cant buy them in bulk

I just heard that there's going to be some kind of thing tomorrow for defunding our local police department. This country has lost it's mother ****ing mind. I want out. I want out NOW.

My work has said that each department will be back on site at different times. I’m not sure what that means for me. The earliest that non-essential staff will go back is July 1st. I’m hoping that I’ll go back then. I used to WFH full-time and I find that I’m better out of the house.

I know they are good for you. I think they have a weird texture

I don't know if I will be teaching online or in-person this fall. If online, I may go visit my family in the east for longer time than usual - I can teach from anywhere I have internet.

There's discussion of the same kind of thing where I live.

It sounds extreme, but trying to get them to change internally hasn't been working. I can't even imagine the money they spend on their equipment just so they can be more and more militaristic. I've witnessed this first hand. You should have seen the display of force that showed up the night of my house fire. Men jumping out of vehicles with assault type rifles and running towards me and my house; two different mobile units equipped with large trailers and generators. It was a lot. I remember asking someone at some point if I was going to get a bill for this like you do for an ambulance. Thankfully, no. Anyway, sometimes you just need to tear everything down and start over and I think that's what the point of defunding out-of-control police departments is.

I've also seen suggestions that there needs to be a license for this kind of work so there can be more accountability for individual officers and they can't just go to another state to get another job after they've committed acts of police brutality. I don't claim to know the answers, but it's out of control and we have to do something.

Oh I know that things need to change. A lot of things. But honestly my fear with just disbanding police departments is that it would be essentially handing over our country to the criminals on a silver platter.

I'm sorry couch. I didn't mean to go political. I'm just heartsick and I am not thinking clearly. I'm so glad I scheduled a session this week. I really need some help with all of this.

In my opinion the u.s. has been handed over to the criminals but probably not the same ones you are thinking of. The police have done at best a piss poor job of handling their rogue bad cops and they have been both explicit and complicit in brutality. Something new has to happen.

My T said that one of the things he did was to send letters to state officials saying that police need to have body cameras on at all times. Which I think is a good idea. Obviously not the full answer, but if officers know they're being videoed at all times, maybe, possibly they'd be more careful? Of course, the other issue is whether they'd actually get prosecuted for killing someone (which didn't happen in my hometown 5 years ago...arrested, a couple went to trial, but acquitted or no verdict or charges dismissed).

It's OK, Art. I'm struggling with all of it, too. I think a big part of my contacting ex-MC was, well, I was already struggling really badly with the pandemic, then all this happened, and it was like more than I could process and handle. Which made me feel really guilty and white-privileged. And helpless.

My A/C is broken again. Good thing I have a home warranty, I guess. Poor doggie is panting for the second day in a row. It's only 83 in here and I've got the fan on, but I'm not wearing a fur coat. Hoping it will get fixed this week while it's still not too hot.