T didn't call last night

Hi All,

So I had been feeling crisis-y for several days and sui. In my crisis plan, if I feel sui for 5 days in a row then I'm supposed to contact T. So yesterday I contacted T letting her know how I was feeling and asking her if she had any time before my scheduled appointment on Saturday. She texted back a few hours later saying she would call me around 630ish. I waited until 745 and then I texted her and said something like, "Hi T. I think you might have forgotten about me. It's okay. I'm going to go to bed now, maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Kit." Then at 9 PM I got a text from her saying she was sorry but she had gotten stuck at the office.


This morning I got a text from her saying she was sorry, that she was dealing with a client in crisis that she almost had to hospitalize and that she would keep calling me today until she heard my voice.


I texted her back saying it's okay, I'm not feeling as bad I'm not feeling fabulous but not as bad. That I had meetings in the morning but my afternoon looked fine but if she wasn't able to call me it's okay I'll just talk to her on Saturday.

She sent me another text saying thanks for the info and she'd call me this afternoon.


Argh! I don't like back and forth stuff. I feel bad that she had a hard night and that she wasn't able to talk to me, but now I kind of don't want to talk to her. I don't know why. I want to talk to her but I don't want to talk to her. Maybe because I got my feelings hurt because she didn't call when she said she would. It's ridiculous because my reasonable, rational mind tells me that she couldn't call when she said she would because she had a crisis come up at work that she had to deal with. On the other hand, I was in crisis last night, not sure if I should go to the hospital or not. Obviously I didn't go.


I feel like (and I know feelings sometimes lie) that I'm not as important as her other client. And maybe at that moment I wasn't because the other person was in front of her possible threatening sui or whatever while I was asking to be fit in to her schedule.


I don't know. I just feel blah and yucky about the whole thing and now I wished I hadn't even reached out. On the other hand, if we do talk today, maybe it will be a chance to repair whatever rupture this is and my session will go better on Saturday. I guess I am a bit hopeful. But what if she doesn't call me again? I gave her several outs and she's the one saying she'll call. I don't want to be disappointed again. I feel my shield coming up to protect myself.


How should I feel about this? How should I respond? I don't know if how I feel is reasonable or not. Thanks. HUGS Kit

Oh Kit, I am so sorry. I get it even if I get it for reasons completely different from what yours might be. I too would feel very hurt by that. You are trying to do the right thing and follow the agreed upon plan in the hopes of reducing stress... now you have the back and forth, which I also hate, that adds stress. I’m sorry. It sucks even if we can handle it and be grown ups about it.
Hugs

Thanks Omers. Thanks for responding. You're right. It does suck, even though I can be a grown up about it and I can handle it. I hate the back and forth. I'd rather just talk on Saturday now. But I get it from her side that she needs to make sure that I'm safe and one way to do that is to hear from me, hear my voice. She probably also wants to make sure I'm not angry. Which I'm not. I'm more disappointed and hurt than I am angry. Even though I know she had a good reason not to call. Now it's just frustrating! I don't know what to do or say or feel. HUGS Kit

No, it’s not ridiculous.

She said she would call. She could have let you know ‘SK I can’t make it. I’ll call later’ and call until she gets holds of you... regardless of you feeling better or not.

It is being accountable and following through.

You were also in crisis or at least this arrangement was part of your (i.e. both of you => meaning she is accountable) crisis plan. You did your part and you reached out. She ought to have reached back.

As to how to respond to her... Be honest with her. Also, I would not aim for being reasonable. Instead, be authentic. If you were hurt (understandably so), tell her. You acknowledge another client was in crisis, fair enough. However, she did let you down – whether intentionally or not.

I’m sorry she let you down. I know how painful it is to reach out and be let down or to feel we are not as important as other people...

My 2c.

Thanks @Rive. Good advice about being authentic. HUGS Kit

How should I feel about this? How should I respond? I don't know if how I feel is reasonable or not. Thanks. HUGS Kit

She had an arrangement with you- which she broke.

There is no right or wrong way to say or feel. Everything you feel right now is the what you feel and 100% reasonable. My T taught me feeling anger isn't bad. Like the poster above- I hope you can be honest with her.

I would be disappointed

Thanks @Lemoncake

I would be upset.

Thanks @susannahsays I am upset.

My T called me last night. A day late. I was starting to feel better by then and not in as much of a crisis. She apologized profusely for the day before not being able to call me, so things are okay. She said she would call me again to check in with me before we talk on Saturday. That's nice. She didn't have to do that. I feel better. I'm glad I didn't dump her as my T as I was tempted to do recently when I was feeling better. I'm glad I have her in my life.

Glad it turned out well, SK. Not only that you feel better but that she owned up to her part.

I've come to this late but so glad you got the phonecall you needed in the end.

I am so glad you got a phone call from her. Hugs

I am so glad that she called.