I have another T issue.

Hi everyone. I haven't been around for a while so I feel guilty for asking for opinions, but here goes.
My T is an analyst. Picture having a session with Freud.
He is very good at what he does but sometimes he contradicts himself.
Since we're having phone sessions, I'm finding it hard to connect with him. This last session something got me hysterically crying. He said "you know you can always reach me by e mail and I'll either answer or call you".
He was very caring and made me feel a bit better. Then he sent an e mail. He said he made a big mistake by telling me that and he'd rather see his patients suffer, and if they do, he didn't really care. That if I e mailed him he would choose whether to answer me or not. I only e mail if I'm in crisis. The way he works has to do with be dependant on him. I'm not at that level yet and he knows that. My last T was very different. I could call him if I was having a hard time and it helped. Suddenly I need to get used to having no one when I'm in crisis. One minute he warm and compassionate, the next, rather cold and cruel. Since this is analysis, maybe he has a reason for it.
The last time he was kind of cruel, I was inpatient . He came storming into my room, screaming at me. He said "HOW DARE YOU!!" He didn't give me a chance to speak. He was enraged that I was unhappy that he wouldn't be treating me and I hated the unit I was on. I didn't feel I could get help there. This was made more confusing because of Covid. I had to go to a medical hospital to be cleared before I went to the psych hospital. I believed the medical hospital knew I was his patient and would assign me to him. He had told me to tell the doctor at the ER that. The next day he e mailed me and said he didn't see my name on the census and was I admitted. There was some kind of mix up and I went to a unit that my doctor didn't work on. I said " forget it...I want to go home". cause I knew this would be unhelpful. That's why he flew into a rage and screamed at me for what seemed like forever. Because I was"entitled"; expecting things to go my way. I was told I would get him and the usual unit before I went.I
To top it off, I emailed my med.T to ask if I could take something for the horrible panic. Med T called me but said e mail was an inappropriate method of contacting him. I can't call either T. I have never felt so scared and alone. My only option when I'm in crisis is to go to the ER. All I wanted was to talk to him.
Both T s made me feel like crap and that neither cared.
I'm sorry I rambled about this. It IS confusing. I'm very hurt and depressed but it's like both are telling me tough s*it.

Sometimes it feels like he's trying to break me. I just don't know....

Sorry....I forgot to say....This is the T that told me he really enjoyed talking to me and he had counter transference in that he wanted to save me. He's told me that if I sui 'ed that would mean I rejected him.

This all sounds really painful and disorienting. Can I ask how did he phrase it when he said he wanted his patients to suffer? Because that sounds really sadistic. I don't think I could work with him. Have you considered looking for a new therapist?

A few times I've thought about finding someone else but he really is good at what he does. As for the suffering he said "I don't hold hands" ( be overly caring) and if that causes patients to suffer, I don't really care".
One minute he's cold the next he very caring. I'm very confused. I need a T I can talk to if I'm feeling horrible.

That sounds terribly confusing, and such mixed messages. I am really sorry he acts like that. It sounds very unfair to you.

That would be a deal breaker for me. Analytical Ts are blank slate but not callous.

Don't even get me started on him yelling and screaming at you.

I am not sure what type of support you are expecting but in your shoes I would look for another T who would treat me with care, consideration and respect. Your Ts don't.

Please get as far away as you can from this T.

His behavior just sets of red flags for me.

No therapy is better than bad therapy.

Your description of your therapist is proof that just because someone has a board license to practice counseling doesn't mean they are mentally healthy themselves. I've had a few encounters with mentally ill therapists who were definitely in need of their own therapists.

If you don't like him and the way he makes you feel, then you need to report him to your city's medical licensing board for counselors and find another therapist.

If you choose to stay with this therapist, nothing will change.

So, the best option is to stop seeing this therapist and find a new one.

Why do you assume that it is your responsibility to change the way this therapist treats you. It's not.

There are so many red flags I can’t even... please consider finding someone competent.

His behavior is extremely alarming and completely unacceptable under any circumstances. He is actively harming you. Please, please cut contact with him ASAP. If you can, report his behavior to the medical board and to his supervisor (iirc, he is a psychiatrist undergoing training in psychoanalysis).

Again, there are no circumstances where his behavior is excusable.

I wrote out a long reply and it disappeared. I'll be back tomorrow to try to make this a little clearer. Thanks for the responses.

Did the psychoanalysis cause the hospitalization?

My T is analytical and does not behave like this at all. I would not tolerate someone yelling at me and losing their temper.

It doesn't sound like this T is helping you, I'd look for a different one.

No not at all. I began psychoanalysis while in patient.

We finally got to talk about it. He mis spoke when he said if I suffer, he didn't care. That's part of the process. Most of the things he says that I find harsh, are part of the psychoanalytic process He told me he cares, maybe too much. After we talked I felt so much better and secure in our therapy. I could tell he felt bad about my misunderstanding his meaning.

I've experienced this with a therapist. I'm sorry about the late reply. I hope you're ok out there

I agree, that does sound very sadistic I had ''worked'' with a T who ''enjoyed'' watching his patients suffer

I'm wondering if you're still talking to this therapist and if so, how it's going. Or are you consulting someone else? (sorry about all the posts, I somehow missed this thread before)

What about this situation is working for you? Like… best case scenario, what could go right here?

No. Not at all.

Wow! Its been over a year and I'm just getting back to this thread. I apologize for disappearing like that. Update: things with this T are going so much better. We've had our "fights" but we always resolve them. There was one more of his "tantrums" a few months ago, and as upset as I was, I would not let him see me cry. Upset isn't the right word. I wrote to him (but never gave it to him) I told him (TRIGGER)
"You killed me. " I said other things but next session was amazing. I told him to NEVER make fun of me or my symptoms again. After much back and forth, he actually had tears in his eyes and so did I. He told me how brave I was and said he admired my strength. He said "I want to hug you." I told him ok and that was the most comfortable ,safe hug I have ever had. (This from the T who said no hand holding, no hugs etc... ) He's changing for the better. I'll say more on this later. Thanks for all your concern and replies.