Couch 217: The Order of the Phoenix couch

Eh, I'll stand on the side of science and common decency. I'm fine with whatever that does to my reputation.

Eh I will stand on the side of not shaming others. I am generally on the side of people get to choose their own level of risk. Shaming others has nothing to do with science or decency in my view.

You are 100% correct. When we aren't talking about a highly contagious, surprisingly lethal respiratory disease.

I just changed my dog's bandages again - I am getting better at it - he doesn't look quite as much like the english patient when I am finished with his paw now as he was when we first started.

To be clear, I would express the same concerns I did regardless of J's gender. I am a woman and I like both women and men, and I would be selective about such disclosures regardless of the gender of my partner. I don't think selectively censoring oneself, if that's what you want to call it, is a negative thing. For example, I would not think it kind, necessary, or appropriate to tell someone I'm in a relationship with if I have an erotic dream about someone else and am bothered by it. I similarly wouldn't be forthcoming about desires to hurt myself, except vaguely when necessary to get help. If I had one of my nightmares about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, I wouldn't tell them the nitty gritty details.

Honestly, I would work on the insecurity but also be selective about unnecessary disclosures that could strain the relationship - particularly so early on. That's just my opinion, though.

When is he going to start reading Herodotus?

(Since he looks like the English patient.)

A bunch of red ants bit my ankle yesterday and I've never experienced such intense itchiness in my life. And it burns very painfully, especially if I scratch. Kept me up last night. Aloe with lidocaine helps a bit, but still quite uncomfortable.

Ice it maybe?

My dad once got bitten pretty badly by mosquitoes and ice helped a lot of that, might be worth a try if you have access to it.

Fire ants? Benadryl might help. I had a run in with some fire ants once and it was quite unpleasant, but it was okay after about a day if I recall.

My mother has a new cat, a stray she sometimes fed. One day she left her back door propped open since she was gardening. He went inside and found himself a comfy spot on a bed in the sunlight. He’s since refused to leave, doesn’t even want to go outside.

He’s a big (not fat, big like a Maine coon) and handsome red tabby.

She calls him “Mooch.”

He is a Thucydides dog. Although at the moment he is spending his time trying to chew his bandages off.

Speaking of Thucydides he has this famous passage about how the plague at Athens caused the Athenians to revert to their brute human nature.

I’m really looking forward to teaching it in the spring in the Great Plagues course because some of it is so on the mark for today and because it’s so obvious now with covid that some of his examples, like not burying the dead quickly or not having the usual funerals, have nothing to do with human nature and everything to do with typical procedures being overwhelmed.

I will be over here in the corner geeking out. Carry on.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail plague scene is my go to - Bring out your dead....

Ha ha i didnt know your ma was so political! thats a great name. I was glad Ant'ony appeared on the scene to bring it back. HEY MOOOOCH!!!

I don't have any ice, unfortunately. Maybe I'll go get a bag. Just takes up so much space in my freezer.

A bag of popsicles would do...

Lol I do have popsicles, of course. I guess I could also freeze some water in my popsicle molds.

I'm not visiting my grandmother, but yes my mom is going to go visit her through her bedroom window at the nursing home. No one is allowed inside and the nursing home already had positive Covid cases. So I'm not sure what their plans are.
I'm stopping here and seeing my cousin for a few days and flying back home. I feel like I'm trying to get away from my situation with H temporarily and take precautions the same way I do at home going to the stores and seeing my family there. Wear a mask at the gas station, wash my hands, etc.

Hey couchies. I slept until 10:30. I'm never this indulgent, it feels weird.

I hope everyone is well and take care of yourselves.

Indulgence is good for you every so often.

Sorry for the slow reply -

I think he is telling you... "be more engaged" ... but damn if I know what he means by his words. I don't know what "engaged" looks like to him or what is so different now than before that leads him to think that you are not engaged in getting/staying healthy. Really, I'd imagine anyone finding another person/partner in their life is going to change their head space and emotional place. And I imagine this would show up in therapy some as a sort of "honeymoonish" type of shift. I would also imagine this would start to return to pre-relationship as our patterns of behaviors start to come up in that new relationship. Seems to me this is great opportunity for him to see how you move through the stages of relationship building and what not.

Naw, those compromises and discussions are what I consider the work. So see, you are already working at/on the relationship.

Exactly, you did the best you could in that moment. At least, I believe you did the best you could at the moment. You were in a panic state. My thinking is that later is when the work comes into play and you have those discussions around what was going on for you, what was the nightmare, how what J did helped, how was J impacted... and so on. Some of those types of discussions might be best to have with your T first (ok maybe with my T, I too am not so sure about your T ) Some of them for sure need to be had with J; the goal would be that over time, when you have those types of panic moments, you'll will feel safer with J and you 2 will have created a language that helps calm you.

like a few other's have said, don't let this get too tangly (yeah, I made that up, I like it). You did the best you could at the moment and you are talking about your experience (with J and with your T) around this. You are sharing your experience, being open to hearing different points of view, learning about yourself and your relationships.... I think you are doing all the right things at your pace and in the places you feel safest.

Regarding your T's email - I'm hard press to respond to it because I've often thought your T's communication and therapy style would not work for me. He comes across to me as too demanding or authoritarian or something that is a reenactment of my childhood. I'd freeze in response to some of what he's said being afraid I'd be hit if I moved or responded. Of course this has a lot more to do with me than him, I do think there's some part of something there with him; especially if he couldn't adjust to my needs. Basically he would not be flexible enough to work with me. It seems like most the time he works for you, at times he seems to be too rigid for your needs. So, maybe he really isn't a very flexible T .

Supposed to be heat index 100 today but heavy rain and thunder instead.

I'd be okay with a heat index of 100. We've been sitting at 115 or so.

My niece (13) is leaning to speak Japanese.