[Lola5]

I haven't been able to get individual therapy for some months, but about 2 months ago, I joined an interpersonal process group to work on my social issues in the meantime. I had another weekly session on Friday on Zoom and, like most of the time, it's left me mad and irritated.

The group is 9 people, including the leader. It's 90 minutes and it is so SLOW and BORING. No one really wants to talk. When someone does say something, the other group members sit in silence with thoughtful expressions on their faces for 3-5 minutes (I timed it). Eventually, when someone speaks, it will be something mildly related to what the previous person said. The group is like 50% sitting in silence and 50% people making statements that change the subject. The group leader will call on people and ask what they are thinking or feeling in response to what someone said. The answer is usually “I don't know. I'm just thinking about it” or “I feel (insert emotion), but it's because (insert story about what is going on right now in their lives).

I've really decreased what I say and don't bring issues into the group because it's upsetting to open up about something and then get several minutes of blank stares and someone changing the subject in response. When I do speak up, (I hate to say this) it's almost like a joke because I share something that's not really personal to me just because I want to see how long people will be sit in silence and what another person will change the subject to.

I hate that this is happening because I need the therapy and I want to get better at socializing with others. I'm so frustrated. I don't want to quit the group because I keep thinking what if it gets better. It feels like such a waste of time every week though.

[MissUdy]

Eugh it sounds draining. I would be tempted to share random things to see people’s reactions too. Can you ask them why they don’t seem to want to talk about each other’s issues? Maybe they are all thinking the same as you and too afraid to say.

Are they the same people every time? Maybe it’s taking everyone a bit longer to connect over zoom, it might get better. I hope it does, it sounds rubbish at the moment.

[Omers]

Sounds like the leader is either bad at managing a group process via teletherapy or they just suck at leading groups? You are doing better than I would!!!

[ArtleyWilkins]

I can't imagine trying to do group therapy via Zoom. Zoom meetings are awkward under the best light-hearted of circumstances. To try to do therapy that way just wouldn't seem workable.

Group therapy with an effective leader can be fantastic, just not sure via teletherapy it would work.

Can you bypass the group therapy for now? I can't see how this method of group therapy would really do much for improving socialization.

It sounds horrible!! I have been in groups like that and it is so frustrating. Is it possible for you to say something to the group leader privately?

[Lola5]

Originally Posted by MissUdy

Eugh it sounds draining. I would be tempted to share random things to see people’s reactions too. Can you ask them why they don’t seem to want to talk about each other’s issues? Maybe they are all thinking the same as you and too afraid to say.

Are they the same people every time? Maybe it’s taking everyone a bit longer to connect over zoom, it might get better. I hope it does, it sounds rubbish at the moment.

It's the same people for the past 2 months. We've had this discussion like three times where a group member brings up that we have long silences. Everyone agrees it's frustrating, but no one changes anything.

Originally Posted by Omers

Sounds like the leader is either bad at managing a group process via teletherapy or they just suck at leading groups? You are doing better than I would!!!

The leader seems to be trying, like she'll call on someone and ask what he/she is thinking when someone says something, but people really have nothing to say. People are like "Hmmm...that made me think...." It's ridiculous and sadly funny

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

I can't imagine trying to do group therapy via Zoom. Zoom meetings are awkward under the best light-hearted of circumstances. To try to do therapy that way just wouldn't seem workable.

Group therapy with an effective leader can be fantastic, just not sure via teletherapy it would work.

Can you bypass the group therapy for now? I can't see how this method of group therapy would really do much for improving socialization.

Zoom is really awkward, but the plus side for me is that I can surf the web when I get bored and people are staring in silence. I don't know how I would handle sitting with these people in a room for 90 minutes if we were just staring into space. I see what you mean about maybe it not even being possible to have effective group therapy over Zoom

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

It sounds horrible!! I have been in groups like that and it is so frustrating. Is it possible for you to say something to the group leader privately?

The group leader knows people are finding the silences frustrating and she says we need to figure it out, but nothing gets figured out. I think she doesn't know what to do to get us talking.

[*Beth*]

I hear three things going on.


First, the facilitator isn't structuring and motivating the group well.


Second, every group takes on its own personality. It's very possible that the group you're in is simply the victim of a bad fit between members.

Third, online therapy is extremely difficult; I can only imagine how challenging online group therapy would be.

I think it's hilarious that you bring up *whatever* just to stoke the fire. Honestly, I think it's a good idea - if it gets people motivated to participate.

I wonder what would happen if you state the problem you're having with the group right out? You might find that others agree with you.


2 months is a long time for a group not to connect. It might be a dud.

[sarahsweets]

I always hated group therapy. I became too busy propping up the group and didnt work on myself.

[JeannaF]

I don't have much to offer, just wanted to say I'm sorry, it sounds like it really sucks....

[Rive.]

In a typical process group, this is how it works. The leader is not really involved or active. Instead, the direction of session is up to the group members.

If they are not talking, it will be difficult to expect any change on that front... or only with time. It depends on the group but usually once people become comfortable, then you will see 'characters' emerge, increased participation and they will react to one another.

If you want to get better at socialising, how about you take the lead? Take the initiative to 'nudge' them rather than retreat further. The group dynamic will change and you will be working on your initial intent at the same time.

[Lola5]

Originally Posted by Rive.

In a typical process group, this is how it works. The leader is not really involved or active. Instead, the direction of session is up to the group members.

If they are not talking, it will be difficult to expect any change on that front... or only with time. It depends on the group but usually once people become comfortable, then you will see 'characters' emerge, increased participation and they will react to one another.

If you want to get better at socialising, how about you take the lead? Take the initiative to 'nudge' them rather than retreat further. The group dynamic will change and you will be working on your initial intent at the same time.

It's frustrating because it's been about 2 months and if anything, people have gotten even less talkative.

I've tried taking the lead several times and only gotten blank stares in return. Once I shared how I find texting difficult and gave an example of how a friend will text me and then not respond to my replies for like a week or sometimes ever. I really opened up and everyone just stared at the screen for 5ish minutes until the leader called on someone to share their thoughts on what I said and they said it was "thought-provoking" and they are thinking about how a friend made some comment at lunch last week that they are having difficulty interpreting and started sharing that, completing dropping what I said. This has happened all of the 3-5 times I felt I opened up.

[*Beth*]

I facilitated a successful NAMI Connection group for 16 months. I was an active leader. A talented facilitator sets the format for the group and is sure to include every group member. Allowing the stronger personalities in the group to speak out is very important; equally as important is to draw out the less outgoing members. It is up to the facilitator to motivate the group. Not overrun the group, but to step back and motivate, and to be involved enough to inspire the members.

I'm wondering if you are finding yourself in a group of passives. If so, a leader who is effective at her position needs to work with the group in such a way that members feel confident and important enough to speak out and dialogue.