[emmaleemochizuki]

So yesterday I was in a really really bad place. So I texted T to ask if we can talk briefly, and she texted me back and called me and we talked for about 10 minutes.

I have been crying all afternoon, and she could clearly hear that my voice was breaking when I was talking to her and I was kind of still crying. Anyway she said that she was glad that I reached out to her, and I thanked her for talking to me, and she said something like 'don't be silly, it's fine', and I just felt like I was a child, and she said that out of her maternal instinct. I didn't mind it, but it definitely felt weird.

It is also the first time that I was that vulnerable in front of her. Anyway I felt really stupid afterwards. She said we will talk more about what happened when I see her next.

I never ever cried in front of T. NEVER. I hardly even cried in front of people.

I'm still in a very bad place today. And I'm super super stressed.

[Omers]

The place you are in is new and scary. I remember the time I was in my most similar space to what you shared. It threw me off balance for a long time and I felt all kinds of things... turns out they are all normal and T expected them after my experience. If you are able try and do some self care, maybe find a way to distract a little from the discomfort. This is important and it is a good thing... even if it is uncomfortable.

[Lostislost]

Please give yourself permission to be your authentic self in any moment, especially therapy. If that means you cry, scream, dance, fart, whatever, it's all good.

Your Therapist will have seen so many people that don't or won't cry, it's really really common.

A lot of peoples therapy can be about finding or working with the inner child, so it would make sense you feel childlike when talking to your T. What would you say to a child that felt stupid and vulnerable for crying in front of you?

[Elio]

Yes, I often work through and feel much younger when I am with T. In fact part of our rupture was the feeling that she forgot that "I was 5". It was kind of the concept that at 5 a lot of parents expect their kids to be "little adults" in many ways; while at 5 the kid really doesn't understand much - or maybe in the same way a 50 yr old adult understands something.

Whenever certain things happen, I revert back to that place/feeling. Sometimes its a feeling of unsafe or vulnerable. Sometimes it's playful and silly; and maybe even spontaneous.

I agree with Lostislost in giving yourself permission to be your authentic self.

[nottrustin]

Please try to being it up. The one thing I am lear ing with my current therapist is that talking about things like this is really important. It is also quite normal on therapy so I am sure your T will understand. My T and I have discussed something very similar and why it happens.

[Ssigros]

You are super brave! I'm in awe at your vulnerable openness. My T likes to talk about our "inner child" and how we have to talk nice to them, instead of mean (like I do to mine), and nurture them, and how it's perfectly normal to feel like a child at times because that part of us is very much still alive within. Our inner child is an integral piece of our soul. I know it feels weird to get emotional in front of T. I haven't truly been there yet with my T, unless you count my anxiety and tantrums, and I've been seeing her off and on for years. I know she's waiting around for me to crack though! 💕