Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

one of my old camp friends posted a song we used to sing that i hadn't thought about in literally years. it was so neat that when i read the lyrics, i heard them being sung in my head. can't believe i remembered the tune after all this time. "Back of the bread is the flour, and back of the flour is the mill, and back of the mill is the wind and the rain and the Father's will."

I don't know yet if I'm going to continue therapy or not.

He hasn't responded.

He was going to call the IOP place since last Monday to get info and he still hasn't done it. I guess to be fair I said I wasn't sure but why hasn't he called yet? He said I was one of his top 3 priorities until end of year but doesn't feel like it right now. (Me, his mental health, his life transition to school and all that entails, probably not in that order)

I have just sat through my umpteenth training session on our new pandemic teaching technologies. It was clearly not designed for anyone teaching remotely.

I predict chaos with a side of disaster this fall.

I agree that this would be really helpful. To start building a relationship with a new T before yours leaves. And that way, too, if the new T seems like the wrong fit, you could try out someone else before your T leaves.

I hope you hear back from him soon. Do you mean continue therapy with him through the end of the year, or continue therapy with someone after?

I agree that he put you in a really bad spot by suggesting the leave of absence from work, then, after you took it, announcing he was leaving. Do you think it would be helpful to try to set a return date to work? Or are you thinking of doing the IOP? Maybe you could just try calling there, or else remind him he'd intended to call? Maybe he was waiting for you to ask him to call?

I meant continue with someone else after he leaves.

At this point I don't ever want to go back to work so setting a return date is just going to stress me out.

So last Monday is when he brought up the IOP. He said he'd call about it and send me a link to it. I looked at the very uninformative website and it looked very impersonal, so I emailed and said I wasn't too sure about this place. We talked about it again the next day and I said I'd be open to hearing about it. I'm not sure what happened, but on Thursday he said he'd call them Friday and we'd discuss it Monday, but he didn't call. It came up again yesterday like he thought I wasn't sure about it. I think he just didn't call and putting that on me instead of admitting he didn't do it. He's told me that he knows I'm feeling very overwhelmed and he wants to coordinate all this stuff. And he's right, I am overwhelmed and I hate calling people about this stuff so I was quite content to let him handle it.

NP—I agree with LT and EM about calling IOP yourself and finding a new therapist to deal with this with, one with a lot of trauma experience.

I know this really hurts, but it bothers me that everything he does or fails to do makes things worse for you—*you*, not him. Do try to get the most out of your remaining time with him, but I would not count on him for anything. And I would not take possibly major life-changing advice from him unless it agrees with your own sense of what you should do.

Feeling low today. Not quite depressed but not quite content inside of myself either. So, yeah, low about covers it.

UNC-Chapel Hil has been open a week and already taken their "off-ramp." So... that's not good.

HUGS, Kit.

Yup. I'm not so worried about my big lecture course because we will all be remote and therefore I have control of the environment. I AM worried about the smaller classes--if students are in the classroom, will their fancy Zoomflex system of cameras and mics work, especially with me teaching remotely and some students remote too? Even if it works, coordination during class will be difficult.

University administrators seem to think the pedagogy will magically happen.

I'm definitely feeling more depressed now. I feel darkness behind my eyes and I'm definitely struggling. It feels like trying to breathe underwater. I go from feeling okay to feeling not okay pretty quick at times. I am wondering if I need to go to the hospital. I'm trying to decide. I don't want to go though.

Huh. What is the idea behind that setup? Why not just have the class online if you aren't going to be in the room? I am not familiar with Zoomflex...

UGH. I contacted a friend to have her help me with how I'm feeling, which is bad, depressed etc. And she was like, maybe it's the weather. ???? Not sure how that was helpful. I want to be like, no I'm pretty sure that's not it. But I don't want to be rude.

Amelia....my baby.

Because the administration is insisting that most students want to be in the classroom and will be in the classroom. I have serious doubts about that. It also doesn't solve my accommodation problem if I am remote and so are most of my students but there are some students in the classroom wearing masks.

"Zoomflex"--the school is calling it flex or flux or some such. But it's really Zoom, just with a camera that can cover a whole classroom and be more "interactive." It's not an official name, just its nickname.

So sorry to whine again. I'm just not feeling well. At least I am almost off of work. I can go home and curl up in bed and hopefully shut out these thoughts and stuff. I feel miserable.

Well, I guess my email last night didn't warrant a response. I guess he's too busy with finishing up with other clients and school. He did warn me he couldn't always respond (said within the context of him wanting to be as available to me as possible). Still hurts.

Awwww sweet Amelia!!

Question about earplugs for swimming to keep water out - what kind do y'all that use them recommend? I'm seeing different shaped ones. Maybe I should just try a couple different ones.

Ugh, I'm sorry. That would hurt me, too. Do you see him today?

I like the gooey ones that you shape to fit.

Thanks una!

I have to reschedule Info from later this week to next. She offered some times, none of which I can make and the only one I can is my birthday—and I will not do therapy on my birthday (which in this case also involves a 45-mile round trip and trying to find her new office).

So now we’re in a text cycle in which she offers another appointment option, ignoring the schedule I sent her, I say can’t, and she offers me an appointment on my birthday again.

Unless she’s planning a surprise party, this is annoying.