Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

Lemoncake · Aug 20, 2020, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

J is coming over tonight and I'm not really excited about it. I don't know what my deal is. I was head over heels for him like a month ago. T thinks I should dump him because I deserve someone who really clearly wants to be with me. My BFF from back home agrees. My local BFF is more encouraging. I have no idea what the eff I think. (I know that's stupid AF--believe me, I'm judging myself too.)

I like spending time with him but we run out of things to talk about and he doesn't want me singing or humming and he hates cats for some reason and doesn't really believe in marriage and is wary of my mental health stuff and I just don't know. I feel like I'm looking for a clear-cut reason to break up with him but I can't find one.

At the same time, I am 31 and feel like I missed out on all the good guys because I didn't really care about dating in my 20s (I was suuuuper school/career focused) and I am fat and ugly and crazy and who the hell else is going to date me? And I hate dating so freaking much. And every relationship has its downsides, right? So maybe I just hafta settle for this guy.

I don't know, just ignore me. I'm dumb and I don't know what I want.

From my limited dating experience I would tell you not to settle. Trust your gut feeling on this guy. If you want to eventually get married and I want that too- I think it's better to be happier alone then miserable together.

You don't have have to be thinner or prettier- just see that in this moment you actually are enough C. It's also okay to be confused and not know what to think and do at times. It happens to everyone.

ArtleyWilkins · Aug 20, 2020, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Yeah, I think I am overwhelmed.

We've been dating for two months now. Nothing abusive. We do have fun together.

The hitch is that about a month in he moved a 90 minute drive away. (He had already told his landlord he wasn't renewing his lease before he and I met.) And also the thing where he said he wasn't sure he could see a future with me. (Well, he said he felt hesitant about it, though he couldn't seem to tell me why he felt that way.)

T is worried that I'm going to get deeper and deeper into this and that I'm going to get hurt. My BFF thinks I deserve someone who adores me and J seems to just kinda like me okay.

You may be overwhelmed but the relationship seems entirely underwhelming. This early on, you should still be in that having fun, getting to know you, having first adventures kind of stage. Don't settle.

ArtleyWilkins · Aug 20, 2020, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Thanks. I have been updating her with everything which is hard enough. I'm waiting to hear back from her sometime probably tonight. I just don't see a solution to this.

Dental work pain is the worst. I honestly can't imagine trying to have any kind of therapy session while in that kind of shape - my focus would be off. Maybe you can give yourself permission to just rest and take care of your physical needs right now. All I generally can do in the midst of dental work is rest a lot.

Salmon77 · Aug 20, 2020, 07:45 AM

I don't think you need a solid reason to break off a relationship. If you want to, that's reason enough. And your BFF is right. You deserve better.

NP_Complete · Aug 20, 2020, 11:15 AM

I guess I'm supposed to call the IOP to schedule an intake appointment. P did all the legwork. He called to get info. Then he called them again during session about setting the intake up. Talked to two people and then left a detailed voice mail about facilitating this for me. The lady calls me back and says I have to call a different number to set it up. Why didn't those people just tell my therapist that on the phone so we could have done it together? Now I have to try to convince myself to actually call and I don't want to. He's in Idaho today and tomorrow so can't do it together.

He's supposed to be sending me a copy of what he's submitting for the disability claim sometime today and then faxing it to the company. I hope he actually gets it done because we only have until Monday to submit it.

NP_Complete · Aug 20, 2020, 11:16 AM

I feel like a deflated balloon with all the crap going on in my life right now.

ArtieTheSequal · 06:27 PM

Swam laps this morning, the new earplugs worked well.

eta: added bonus, they block sound really well too so I was kinda in my own little world swimming. I could still hear water splashing, the gate opening when someone else came in, close stuff, but no airplanes (I live near an AF base so there's always plane noise) or cars which was really nice. Where have these been all my life?? I think I'm going to swim again tomorrow morning before my session with L.

atisketatasket · 04:43 PM

You would think that a university that spent who knows how much money, but it has to have been millions, to prepare for a hybrid learning fall would make sure their Zoomflux system worked for Day 1.

Perhaps another university did that. Not mine.

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 20, 2020, 04:17 PM

Oh crap, ATAT. That is not good!

ArtleyWilkins · Aug 20, 2020, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

You would think that a university that spent who knows how much money, but it has to have been millions, to prepare for a hybrid learning fall would make sure their Zoomflux system worked for Day 1.

Perhaps another university did that. Not mine.

Our first two days fully virtual have been a technology nightmare. 55,000 students plus 6,000+ faculty and staff hitting the system all at once maxed out the district bandwidth. Part of the issue, in addition, was apparently a cut fiber optic line somewhere in the area. Most people are taking it very graciously, realizing there was bound to be issues no matter how well prepared they tried to be. Of course there are some who are throwing fits, but most of us in education have learned to roll with the punches. It will get worked out. The kids have been great. Very polite and communicative with us. Attendance, despite the problems, has been really, really good.

But on our end, it is a full day of putting out fires with little time for direct teaching or planning for next week. May be a long weekend to get next week ready to roll.

stopdog · Aug 20, 2020, 09:02 PM

The university has already sent our students a letter threatening to re-shut the school if they don't stay apart from each other

Breaking Dawn · Aug 20, 2020, 09:14 PM

That's terrible!

atisketatasket · Aug 20, 2020, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The university has already sent our students a letter threatening to re-shut the school if they don't stay apart from each other

To some of them that’s not a threat.

Here there are already social media posts showing crowded drunken undergrad parties.

unaluna · Aug 20, 2020, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Swam laps this morning, the new earplugs worked well.

eta: added bonus, they block sound really well too so I was kinda in my own little world swimming. I could still hear water splashing, the gate opening when someone else came in, close stuff, but no airplanes (I live near an AF base so there's always plane noise) or cars which was really nice. Where have these been all my life?? I think I'm going to swim again tomorrow morning before my session with L.

Oh yeah, i forgot to say, thats the real benefit! I can barely hear the screaming kids or the drunken fools tubing down the river 10 yards away. Im so glad you like them. I get a little compulsive with shaping them, but once im in the pool i leave them alone.

ArtieTheSequal · Aug 20, 2020, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Oh yeah, i forgot to say, thats the real benefit! I can barely hear the screaming kids or the drunken fools tubing down the river 10 yards away. Im so glad you like them. I get a little compulsive with shaping them, but once im in the pool i leave them alone.

I can understand the shaping thing, it did take me a little bit of messing around with them trying to make a seal or whatever. But once I got it, I didn't touch them again til I got out and was drying off. It's monsoon-ing to beat the band out there right now, but I'm hoping it will clear overnight so I can swim again in the morning before I talk to L at 8 am. Early for a session but I like it since my weekend is Friday-Saturday.

eta: oh i already said that about the morning haha

NP_Complete · 11:15 PM

Well, no disability paperwork was sent. Sometimes his lack of follow-through annoys me. This leave was his idea and taken at his urging (not denying it was needed though), the least he could do is be timely about filling out the paperwork. I bet he's more timely with his damn schoolwork.

ETA I just sent him an email telling him that I'm angry at him.

Quote:

This leave was your idea and taken at your urging and it only happened because I trusted you. I get the feeling you've been blaming me for the paperwork not being filled out because I wasn't 100% convinced of the IOP idea. That isn't my fault. You could have put other treatment plans on the form, such as seeing a psych NP and group therapy + continuation of individual therapy. It's also not my fault that the timing of this coincides with the start of your coursework. That was pretty much your doing. You told me you would have this ready by today, but it's now almost 9 pm my time and you have sent me nothing. I've been checking my email all day waiting for something from you. I feel so unimportant and completely forgotten.

Please. Am I being unrealistic here?

Quietmind 2 · Aug 21, 2020, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Well, no disability paperwork was sent. Sometimes his lack of follow-through annoys me. This leave was his idea and taken at his urging (not denying it was needed though), the least he could do is be timely about filling out the paperwork. I bet he's more timely with his damn schoolwork.

ETA I just sent him an email telling him that I'm angry at him.

Please. Am I being unrealistic here?

You're not being unrealistic.

Lemoncake · Aug 21, 2020, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Well, no disability paperwork was sent. Sometimes his lack of follow-through annoys me. This leave was his idea and taken at his urging (not denying it was needed though), the least he could do is be timely about filling out the paperwork. I bet he's more timely with his damn schoolwork.

ETA I just sent him an email telling him that I'm angry at him.

Please. Am I being unrealistic here?

Honestly I really don't think you are. Your anger is justified. If everything is sent properly the quicker it can be processed.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 21, 2020, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

To some of them that’s not a threat.

Here there are already social media posts showing crowded drunken undergrad parties.

Yeah, I've seen photos of those from colleges around the country. Sigh...

LonesomeTonight · Aug 21, 2020, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Well, no disability paperwork was sent. Sometimes his lack of follow-through annoys me. This leave was his idea and taken at his urging (not denying it was needed though), the least he could do is be timely about filling out the paperwork. I bet he's more timely with his damn schoolwork.

ETA I just sent him an email telling him that I'm angry at him.

Please. Am I being unrealistic here?

You're not being unrealistic. You're completely justified in your anger. (I'm angry on your behalf!) He made a promise to you and didn't keep it. Plus, as you said, he's the one who encouraged this. If something gets messed up with your disability paperwork, and you can't get paid or have some issue with keeping your employment (for when you return), then you'll be in a worse place, and that would be on him for not completing the paperwork. I hope he can explain himself and give the materials to you today.

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 21, 2020, 08:01 AM

With something as crucial as this, follow through is especially important. He needs to provide the information today, so that it can be sent for Monday. Thank goodness for fax machines, as postal delays would add another layer to this mess...and I don't think you need that at this point.

ElectricManatee · Aug 21, 2020, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Well, no disability paperwork was sent. Sometimes his lack of follow-through annoys me. This leave was his idea and taken at his urging (not denying it was needed though), the least he could do is be timely about filling out the paperwork. I bet he's more timely with his damn schoolwork.

ETA I just sent him an email telling him that I'm angry at him.

Please. Am I being unrealistic here?

Your emotions are absolutely valid. I can see why you're disappointed and angry and feeling forgotten. It seems like it might be wise at this juncture to not rely on him for anything beyond your sessions, particularly because I know you want to maintain the relationship on good terms and end in a good place. He seems overwhelmed and probably not doing well mental-health-wise (it seems telling that that's one of his top three life priorities right now), so he is likely to keep disappointing you. It's not fair to you that he keeps disappointing you. You deserve to have your needs met, and it sounds like he's not able to do it for you right now.

NP_Complete · Aug 21, 2020, 10:06 AM

He called me this morning and we had a very curt 2 minute 21 second conversation about cancelling an appt with a prescriber I had set up for tomorrow and that he would return a phone call to the IOP which I told him was likely a waste of his time. No mention of my email. No how are you doing. No care at all in his voice. He said he'd have my paperwork tomorrow so I'm guessing he did actually read it. I hate this.

I have to rely on him for the disability paperwork because he's my only provider at this point. No choice there.

He did tell me that closing his practice was a really hard decision to make and that saying goodbye to a bunch of clients all at once was difficult, so I imagine he's struggling right now.

I'm handling none of this very well.

SlumberKitty · Aug 21, 2020, 10:19 AM

HUGS @NP_Complete

SlumberKitty · Aug 21, 2020, 10:22 AM

I had a rough couple of days but I feel back on track now. I'm just bored at work. There's no one here and there's nothing to do. At least I'm getting paid for today so that's something but I feel like I should be doing something. I see T tomorrow. I have stuff to talk about I just hope that I'm able to. I feel numbed and shut down really. Oh, and I have a migraine. That is just making everything worse! Oh well. HUGS to anyone who wants one! Kit

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