Afraid T2 is about to blow it again

I have mentioned not being OK with emotions with her at least once per conversation since day one. T1 and T2 said that I present as farther along in my work than I am. But, yeh, I remind her every conversation... and T1 knows it was the biggest trigger when I started with him.

Could you tell her that you need to back up and build a relationship and trust with her. Remind her of you difficulty with women and that you need her to slow down and not push you because right now she is pushing too much.

I tried after the first blow up... from directly to using metaphors she just is not getting it. I even pulled up one of her art projects about being an art therapist and showed her where safety was on her project and how big it was (she used the word in big white letters that were the first thing you saw). I also tried to talk to her about why T1 was so good with me but she thinks she knows him because he is her supervisor so she kept interrupting. I know T1 can act in very different ways depending on what the client needs, he’s told me stories so her “T1” is not necessarily the same as my “T1”. After the first fight T1 said it was because she is used to treating people with addictions not people with trauma. I have yet to meet a person who is addicted without some kind of trauma... but T1 said you have to be different with them then you do with trauma like mine where I didn’t develop addictions. She is a fairly new T without very much experience and I see all of this coming from that. It isn’t my job to teach her but I would rather teach her with words and have her listen than by being put in a very painful place every other week.

The “show me the feels” blow up escalated to where I drew her a graphic picture of CSA with the child desperately trying to get to their safe spot but couldn’t. Even T1 said he did not feel he and I had enough of a safe container to process the picture right now!

T1 said if he had to he would step in and meet with both of us but he didn’t think he would have to. At this point I think he is going to have to before I will give her another chance.

I could be totally off the mark here and this is not meant in a horrible or accusatory way, but do you think that part of the problem is because she has her own relationship with T1? She knows him in a completely different way and gets to see a complete different side of him that you won’t ever get to see? Could there be some jealousy there or you feel threatened by their relationship? Perhaps unconsciously you self sabotage her (admittedly poor) attempts to connect with you so T1 has to show her he knows you best and that allows you to show T2 that you have a great relationship with him. Like I said I could be way off the mark, but just some suggestions to think about as I know it would probably be how I would react!
Also when T1 said he thought you would benefit from a female mentor, do you know what outcomes and goals he wanted you to achieve by seeing her? You don’t have to say on here, but knowing what that looks like might give you a different focus rather than getting in to things that potentially have huge triggers.
So sorry you’re finding things so hard at the moment.

Oh wow. Sounds like she is unprepared professionally to help you. I wonder why T1 would recommend somebody who is so new to the profession? You are right you should not be expected to teach her anything.

It really sounds like T2 might not be right for you. Not because she's female, but because she's inexperienced, more focused on addiction, and doesn't seem particularly open to taking feedback from you on what works. Plus her relationship to T1. You've only seen her a few times and have already had a couple major conflicts. It sounds sort of like T1 is almost forcing her on you.


Could you see if there's another female T in your area that you could try maybe? Or...maybe not even a T. This might be more difficult with Covid, but you do art, so what about, say, an art class with a female instructor? Or some other sort of class? If you *do* want to keep seeing T2, I think the three of you should meet.

Along a similar thought process of KLL85, when I read this post, I wondered if a part of you wasn't hoping T1 would step in and protect you from something. To maybe be that person that you didn't have when you were a child?

I too might be off base. You've shared enough other things that don't seem to mesh with T2 that the missteps could exist on their own. I agree that T2 does not seem like an overall good fit for you based on experience. I do believe that T's in general learn something from their clients. So while it is not necessarily your job to teach, it is her job to learn - learn about you, how you survived your experiences, learn what you need and so on. And I believe in the process good T's learn more about themselves.

Other than T2 is an art therapist, what had you feeling the 2 of you would work well together?

I think her having her own relationship with T1 is part of the problem... but in a different way. Last November T1 went on a long trip. T1, T2 (not my T then) and I were all in the waiting room. T1 asked her something and she said she thought I was her client. T1 spontaneously started joking about her taking me while he was gone... she froze and had no clue what to say or do. I laughed and when she saw me laugh she calmed down. Other interactions I have seen between her and T1 she almost seems child-like with him... like maybe a middle school or high schooler and their dad (he does do the dad thing well). First session with T2 I discovered she idolizes him far more than I do, which I have to admit is impressive! I think she assumes he is the same with me as he is with her or she doesn’t want to see him differently than her experience because when I try to talk about him she talks over me. Right now I have everything I could want from T1 other than the limits from my finances and COVID.
T1 , to date, is not forcing it. I suggested it and I have not shown interest in quitting... until yesterday and T1 and I have not talked since then (it was an email).
I ran into T2 a few times in the waiting area and just liked her in general. It wasn’t like she came out and I got all uneasy or uncomfortable. If her client wasn’t there I would say hi. She seemed quiet and maybe a little shy but very nice and approachable.

So, now the bigger issue... her inexperience. She is almost done with her Masters so technically I guess I would be considered part of her practicium or internship hours? She is legally seeing clients but is not yet met the license requirements in my state and is not licensed. I don’t have any issue with this in general especially seeing as T1 thought it would work. Since seeing T1 my perception of myself as a client has shifted. I work with horses and have one that is exceptionally well trained in 4 different styles of riding (trail, polo, low level dressage and cutting). She has a huge heart and wants nothing more than to please and protect her rider. She came to me as a rescue because she was dangerous to ride and was going to end up killing someone. My plan was to put her out to pasture if she was safe on the ground or have her put down if she really was that dangerous. I rode her once and man it was the rollercoaster ride of my life time! I wanted to see what she knew and if she was dangerous which made her confused, scared and volatile. What I learned though... you want to trail ride her? Put a trail saddle on, point her on the trail and enjoy the ride. You want to cut? Point her at the calves, hold on and let her go. You want to play polo? Hold on and hit the ball she will make sure you are where you need to be. She is simple to ride... show her what you want and let her go. Everyone, myself included, over complicates her and that’s when she gets scared and people get hurt. I think I am the same way. T1 points my nose in a direction in therapy and then hangs on for the ride. He might make slight adjustments here or there but point and trust... and he has done this from the beginning. I think in T2’s lack of experience she trusts her books and professors and wants to make the session fit their mold. I don’t think she has found herself as a therapist yet and I don’t think she has learned to (ugh... I can’t believe Im going here...) “Trust the Process” from the therapists side. I think I would be OK with her being her if she would relax, focus and truly be HER in the room rather than trying to be something from a class or a textbook.

I also know T1 sees a very different T2 than what I see. Not because she mis represents herself or that he doesn’t know her but simply because we all have different relationships with eachother. She is very submissive to him and seeks out feedback and eager to do exactly what he says. He is not giving her a lot of feedback with me because she is not seeing a problem between us... I don’t show up ten minutes late every week with a cup of coffee I clearly bought just to make me late and be in control (a conversation I overheard when she hijacked T1 on his way to get me). So what he gets from her is her perception that everything is going so well because she likes me and I don’t push her buttons. Then he gets me totally losing my s* in ways he never thought possible given how easy it has been for him to work with me.

I also don’t think he gets that she sets me off on multiple layers... there is the protective blow up when she crosses the boundary. There is a secondary “explosion” usually a day or so after when I can no longer contain what the boundary was there to keep in place. And... between the blow up and the explosion I spiral downward something awful to the point of dangerous.

Side note...
I find it interesting that with all my issues with men T1 (male) has never triggered my CSA once in nearly two years of working together. T2 has triggered it twice already in a month and we only meet every other week. All the abusers were men and everything she triggers has strong male abuser imagery.