[Mouse_]

I think I know what is wrong with me...my adoptive parents in my eyes were very knowledgable...they being cerebal narcissists delighted in showing off what they knew or think they knew and would judge everyone, and I mean everyone. I would feel confused as a child because people outside of my home would show me kindness but how could they be nice people because my mum had told me they were common, cheap people with no taste etc, etc, this would %#@&#! with my head and still does, I have trouble allowing others to be "average" and to make mistakes. Well on friday I pointed to the photo on T's shelves, a gift from another client yrs ago, of Freuds couch. I mentioned over xmas that i had watched a prog all about freuds couch and we talked about that then T said that artists have done installations using freuds couch, Ok installations??? whats that mean? she tried to explain and said that Sarah Locus had done one using underwear. Ok whose sarah locus? I made out I understood at this point and came home and goggled sarah locus and then felt so suuuuuupid, today evertually without even thinking this was a problem I finally got upset and said that T's life and my life are a 1000 miles apart. I went to an inner city sch were learning was almost non existent and besides I couldnt concentrate at sch. I told T that I didnt have a %#@&#! clue what she was talking about on friday and T said why didnt I say so. I said because the way you talked about it matter of factly made me feel like I maybe should have known her. Then T said,should? Then she said but whats different today that you can tell me? I said coz I guess once I'd found out who you were talking about I realised that I just didnt know and why should I pretend I do. T nodded. I guess this has upset me and brings to the forefront my own shame or feelings of "not good" enought I constantly try to hide. I feel as thick as %#@&#! and envy those that can just talk about things that I don't know about. I didn't realise before how much this does effect me. I want to know stuff, lots of stuff... I guess I'm just gonna have to accept T is who she is and I am who I am.

[Perna]

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Mouse_ said:
I think I know what is wrong with me

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You made me laugh, right off; like it could be "simple" or something.

Your adoptive parents appeared knowledgeable to you because you were a child with no experience and no other place to get knowledge! That happens to everybody.

You do know stuff, lots of stuff, but it's "your" stuff. T would have a harder time on the streets than you would? Have you ever thought about that; how anyone can go "up" but people that start "up" would have a heck of a time if they had to go "down"? That's why rich, academy kids with expense accounts and nice houses and whatever they need or want bother me I think; they're not being prepared for "down" at all and no one's life is ever all up.

You can learn stuff in books and learn to carry on conversations with the best of them (and are in a sense learning that with T) but it doesn't work the other way around. It's hard to learn to "survive" if you've never had to. We've had to, not a whole lot "worse" can happen to us now?

[pachyderm]

Who is Sarah Locus? Or is that Locust?

[Perna]

http://epublishingcorp.com/articlesr...arahLucas.html

[Mouse_]

oh thats where me knickers went

[Mouse_]

oh and T carried up a new box of kleenex with her as we went up to her room. I said "someones been having a good sob then" LOL! you know my journey with T reminds me of the film Educating Rita..

[MissCharlotte]

LOL

I never heard of her before today EITHER!!!!

Thanks for the culture lesson Mouse!!

[Perna]

"The fat guest book bulged with exotic place names like Milwaukee and Melbourne." That's really hilarious! Milwaukee should be so lucky as to be "exotic"
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For much of its history, Milwaukee was touted as the "beer capital of the world." And, indeed, the city has been home to some of America's largest brewers -- Pabst, Schlitz, Miller, Blatz. But was it Milwaukee that made these brewers great, or was it the great brewers that made Milwaukee?

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http://www.happy-gods.com/jokes/funnyjoke543.html

[scott88keys]

Sweetheart, you're too hard on yourself. But I see myself in your post.

There is a difference between being "stupid' and simply 'not knowing' something.

I went to college but don't know who the hell Sarah Locus is. Is that a UK person? I don't know anything about astrophysics or astronomy or football--but that doesn't mean I'm stupid, but simply that I don't know about those subjects. If I would like to know about something, then I guess I should educate myself, like you did googling on the internet.

Are you aware of cognitive distortions? Here are some bad words that signal that perhaps you have a cognitive distortion: should, always, never. I should know such and such because T said it matter-of-factly. You're implying in that comment that you are stupid because your therapist acted like everyone knows. That's just poor logic--not everyone knows this Sarah chick, and your T's matter-of-fact tone was just the tone he was using--it didn't imply anything.