[Taylor27]

Does anyone feel guilty for being in therapy so long even though it's helping?

I have been in therapy for a long time 19 years. The majority of the time was spent with therapist not understanding and only focusing on the surface issues.


In the last 18 months with a brand new therapist. I am truly making progress and starting to deal with some deep issues I was unaware of. I feel like im no where near the end of therapy. I think im being too hard on myself and some of my close friends don't understand. My husband is so very supportive and he knows it's helping me

Also in the new year my therapist wants me to start coming in once a week instead of every 3 weeks. I think that would help me make good progress and deal with some deeper issues.

[SlumberKitty]

For some reason, I read the title as long term therapy quilt!!

I used to feel guilty about being with former T for 10 years. Like she obviously must have had clients more deserving than me. But I just got to the space in my head where I felt like I needed it and it was okay to have a need. This took a long time though.

[Rive.]

I see it as self-care.

People go to the gym to take care of their physical body. Well, some go to therapy to take care of their emotional/psychological mental health. Nothing wrong with that!

[Taylor27]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I see it as self-care.

People go to the gym to take care of their physical body. Well, some go to therapy to take care of their emotional/psychological mental health. Nothing wrong with that!

Thank you for saying this and it's so right. I guess part of me has had very bad luck with bad therapists saying different. I am not used to having a supportive therapist in my life. Also I have had to change who I hang around with letting go allot of friendships. I am getting better at knowing that if therapy is helping to stick with it.

[nottrustin]

Honestly, I do feel bad about the amount of time it has taken me. I say long term T for 10 years. We spent much of our time dealing with life stresses and but more importantly gradually tearing down the wall I had built up. She provided me the supportive compassion to tell somebody for the very first time my deep painful secrets. She was also there to support me for a year when I started seeing T2, something I never imagined I could do. I have been with T2 for 3 1/2 years. We are now processing the trauma. I aften feel upset that it has taken me 12 years at this point and no end in sight. I actually talked to her about this last week.

[Merope]

I feel a sense of guilt for being with my T for three years. I think most of his other clients are short-term. Before the pandemic, when I used to go f2f, I used to see the client before me come out and at the end of my session, the client after me coming in. Some were there for a few months at most, but that was it. I got it into my head that T must be getting bored and tired of me and my problems (which he doesn’t consider that bad anyway). I used to ask if it’s ok that I’ve been seeing him for so long and that I’m not planning on ending anytime soon, and he always used to say “of course it’s ok!” in an encouraging sort of way. He always said it’s my choice, that I can end whenever I want etc. He never made me feel pressured to leave. He never made me feel weird for still going once a week after three years. He just acts as if it’s normal, which I guess it is.

Over time, the feeling of guilt eased a little. I also used to ask myself, what if he has a waiting list of people with more serious problems than me? But I think I got to a point where I’m now more secure in my need. Being functional and apparently ok are not reasons to not go to therapy if you feel like you should. I’m dealing with issues from my childhood, so T said it often takes a long time to work through them. Sometimes, when we have “lighter” sessions, I worry that maybe I’m just chatting and being there for human company, not therapy (and I worry that I’m wasting his time etc). But then there are heavy, meaningful, complicated sessions which made me realise that I still have work to do and that’s ok. The lighter sessions are like swimming and coming up for air before plunging into the deep again.

Anyway, I agree with the person who said that therapy is like going to the gym: you don’t need to have a “valid” excuse to go as long as you can afford it and T is willing. As long as you feel like you’re gaining something, that’s all that matters.

[divine1966]

Do you feel guilty seeing a dentist? Ob/gyn? Eye doctor? Going to hair dresser? Going to gym or swim? Or take vitamins? Using face cream? Getting skin treatments?

I mean you do what you got to do to stay healthy or feel well or look well or whatever else you need. Needs vary and some needs are long term or even life long. .

[RoxanneToto]

I feel more guilty for not sticking with past therapists. I used to quit when I felt better and naively thought I could carry on by myself, so my deeper rooted issues really never even got scratched at, partly because of my mind often being hazy - I find it hard to organise and articulate my thoughts, so, it’s taken me literally years to figure out the things I really need to address. I’ve got a new T and will be sticking with her, even if I start feeling really good later.
Mental health is so important to look after, you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing that. And as someone else mentioned, you went into therapy because you felt a need to, and your needs aren’t any less important than other people’s!

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Merope

I feel a sense of guilt for being with my T for three years. I think most of his other clients are short-term. Before the pandemic, when I used to go f2f, I used to see the client before me come out and at the end of my session, the client after me coming in. Some were there for a few months at most, but that was it. I got it into my head that T must be getting bored and tired of me and my problems (which he doesn’t consider that bad anyway). I used to ask if it’s ok that I’ve been seeing him for so long and that I’m not planning on ending anytime soon, and he always used to say “of course it’s ok!” in an encouraging sort of way. He always said it’s my choice, that I can end whenever I want etc. He never made me feel pressured to leave. He never made me feel weird for still going once a week after three years. He just acts as if it’s normal, which I guess it is.

Over time, the feeling of guilt eased a little. I also used to ask myself, what if he has a waiting list of people with more serious problems than me? But I think I got to a point where I’m now more secure in my need. Being functional and apparently ok are not reasons to not go to therapy if you feel like you should. I’m dealing with issues from my childhood, so T said it often takes a long time to work through them. Sometimes, when we have “lighter” sessions, I worry that maybe I’m just chatting and being there for human company, not therapy (and I worry that I’m wasting his time etc). But then there are heavy, meaningful, complicated sessions which made me realise that I still have work to do and that’s ok. The lighter sessions are like swimming and coming up for air before plunging into the deep again.

Anyway, I agree with the person who said that therapy is like going to the gym: you don’t need to have a “valid” excuse to go as long as you can afford it and T is willing. As long as you feel like you’re gaining something, that’s all that matters.

Often those lighter sessions can be very therapeutic as well. If I have a particularly intense appointmen, especially if I dissociate, the next appointment or 2 tend to be much lighter. Sometimes we discuss something bothering me in my present day life. Other times it seems more like chit chat really what is happening is my fear of people abandoning after being vulnerable, I need to connect with her to be reassured that things are still okay. We talked about this topic this week because last week we had a painful session with a mild dissociation. I told her I needed something lighter this week. We ended up talking about my work stressors. We discussed how as long as I wasn't avoiding talking something that was bothering me it the appointment can still he very beneficial even if it seems like just chit chatting.

[Omers]

I had a lot of bad therapy experiences before finding my current T. Honestly, I think having had previous poor experiences (even if they were OK but not productive) makes therapy take longer when you do find a good T. My T has had to fix and change a lot of things from old T’s.

[CharlieStarDust]

I’ve been with the same therapist for 10 years. And I have zero guilt over it. I occupy space in this world, and don’t apologize for it. Are there people ‘more deserving?’ Who’s to say? If you have access to help or resources, have at it, and focus on that, rather than who deserves what and at what quantities. That’s my philosophy.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Omers

I had a lot of bad therapy experiences before finding my current T. Honestly, I think having had previous poor experiences (even if they were OK but not productive) makes therapy take longer when you do find a good T. My T has had to fix and change a lot of things from old T’s.

I totally agree. While I didn't have a bad therapist I had a horrible painful ending. Current T and I spent many sessions dealing with the grief and loss since long term Ts death. Plus it has taken time to adjust how the loss changed the dynamics of our relationship. It took work to go from her being being the therapist I worked with soley for trauma work and all of us knowing T would always be my primary T, to current T being my only T it required a whole new level of trust for me.

[*Beth*]

I was in therapy with my first T for 6 years and I used to feel kind-of guilty. The only reason I stopped was because the therapy was through the Veteran's Admin and he was sent somewhere else. Stopping was very hard. Looking back, I wish I wouldn't have felt guilty.

I've been with my current T for 2 1/2 years and wish I could be with her for many more. Unfortunately, she'll be 70 next month...I doubt she'll work for more than 2 more years.

I believe that everyone should be in therapy as part of normal medical care.

[Taylor27]

I think knowing that im making progress now is helping me allot. I think for me it's helping me to survive in this world. I think the more I see it this way the less guilt I will have as I begin to feel more at ease with myself. It was not easy being with my ex t who felt different. My therapist im seeing now is very caring and motherly like.

[Salmon77]

I think therapy makes me better at supporting other people in my life, so I don't feel guilty at all.

[nottrustin]

I don't feel guilty for having the appointment and taking a slot because she is not accepting new clients. I pay her for the appointments. I do sometimes feel mildly guilty because I have the highly sought after on evening appointnent she has. That is because I started seeing her when she started her private practice.

My guilt comes more from when I think about how much money I have spent on therapy. We could for on a vacation each year with it. Even when money has been tight and I suggested cutting back on therapy my husband will not have it. He feels it is an essential for me and our family. So we would cut a lot out of our budget before I cut therapy.

[stopdog]

I don't see a need for guilt. If you want to go to a therapist and can -have at it. No different than any other hobby. I don't see therapy as a health matter and I certainly don't think everyone should do it, but if it is a way you wish to spend your time and money - then have at it.