How long did it take you to really start talking?

I'm definitely defensive.

When I was with CAMHS (uk child and adolescent mental health services), I was kind of forced to attend therapy, as kind of like CTO condition, a lot of times I just showed up and sat there because I had to. I hardly talked and basically fiddled with my hair bubbles for like an hour. When I had an inpatient admission for about a year long I did slowly start to talk a tiny bit after about three to four months of individual sessions. But nothing deep at all. I showed a lot of things in behaviours (like anorexia, self harm etc), I didn't really engaged with the nurses or support workers. I made some really good friends when I was IP but I was always extremely quiet.

My current T is the first I really talked with. And it probably took at least a year before I trust her enough to really start talking. Now we are fine, our sessions aren't 80%+ silences anymore like it was when we first started.

I wonder what it's like for everyone else? Like for therapy to actually get down to like the roots of things rather just like very superficial.

I never knew what sorts of stuff I was supposed to be talking about nor how talking was supposed to help. It never did.

Fours years in and I am starting to think that I can start to trust her.

I always talked, but for the first 6 or 7 months I didn't talk about anything that was emotional or 'deep'. Then I opened up about certain things, but there's still stuff that I've only recently started talking about (after almost 4 years).

First, from working in a psych hospital that serves both children and adolescents as well as adults, I can tell you your early experiences were very normal. Therapists here get creative in ways to get them to talk without really realizing it. One of my kids they would play basketball, some it is with games, etc.

for me I could superficially talk early on but. nothing in depth. talking in depth is a slow process.

I've had notoriously bad luck with therapists, and have had to change several times in the last few years for a variety of reasons. I've been seeing my current T since September, and I don't know that we've really started talking yet. I'm very slow to trust. Reflecting, I wonder how many of my therapists I've actually gotten deep with.

It's been many, many years for me. Through my life I have been in and out of therapy, but never have I made progress like I am now. And that is only because I finally have the ability to talk and be honest. I consider all the therapy I had prior to now to be my "prep work" for real therapy.

With my current therapist, I opened up quite a bit in the third session or so, like the floodgates opened (both in terms of sharing and tears). After session, I emailed him in a panic, worried he'd be freaked out by some of what I shared (stuff about my strong transference for ex-MC) and be unsure about working with me. He sent a long email reply, completely misunderstanding what I was asking and worried about. We worked through it, but I think if I'd been a bit more gradual in my sharing and waited until I trusted him, I wouldn't have had as much of a freakout about sharing so much so early. But I suppose it shows I felt comfortable with him?

I'm trying to recall how long it too with ex-T, but that was like 9 years ago...

With my current therapist I have really started to share deeper intense stuff. She has been so helpful at making me feel comfortable and safe. I never have really trusted other therapist like this one, always where afraid of being sent to the pysch ward.

From session 1. Therapy is not cheap. I don't see the point of me paying for sessions and not talking. I might as well throw money out of the window or something.

IF they are not a good match, I change Ts. And we start all over again.

My first 8 months of therapy I talked a lot. Now I’m mostly just shut down at each session. But it’s been a pretty drastic difference. I told her a couple times at the last session it was me and not her.

I think I started talking right away. I knew I could trust her.

With former T it took about 3 or 4 months. With current T, right away.