Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

Success! Did not faint or barf! Didn't even swear

(this is primarily because I asked my PCP to prescribe me some pain meds and anti-nausea meds that I could take beforehand -- better living through chemistry, I guess)

ok this is driving me crazy so I have to ask for thoughts: If I look at L's psychologytoday.com profile sometimes because I find reading it helpful in reminding me when I'm all stressed out, that self-care is not only okay but necessary, is that considered "stalking" her?


(Background: last session I mentioned that I had seen her recent update and that I thought it was good, and her response was "Are you stalking me?" I said no, I just look at it sometimes, and let it drop there. But I've been worrying about it all week. If she honestly thinks that, then she doesn't know me at all, and it calls into question everything. I'm so confused because I don't think I did anything wrong at all. It's publicly available advertising where I found her in the first place. Why would she even ask that?!)

I'm so glad it went well!

I don't know why they don't use sedation for that procedure. I've heard it's pretty unpleasant. I bet if it was a guy procedure, sedation would be involved.

A) No.

B) Any chance she was joking?

C) Even if she wasn't joking, it need not mean she doesn't know you and it doesn't call everything into question. I think that's an overstatement coming from emotion and if you think of her history with you, it isn't true. I'm sure it's not true just from your posts here.

When he had one, I used to look at P's occasionally. He knew I did it because I freaked out a few times because of changes and had to seek reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere...until of course he was going somewhere.

I don't know why that would be considered stalking. It's publicly available. Could she have been joking and you didn't pick up on it?

Thanks. I keep telling myself she was joking, but haven't been able to believe it yet. I hope she was.

And thanks for C) especially. Damn complex got me again, didn't it? I'm glad I haven't emailed her about it. I need to just let it go, don't I.

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one to do so sometimes. I hope she was joking. I'm trying to believe she was! Because I certainly don't see it that way, especially since it's how I even found her in the beginning. Of all the things she said last week that were helpful, it's this one stupid comment that I latch onto. Ugh.

I just see that as something that brings you comfort. I actually had to google the definition:

"Repeated and unwanted communications through phone calls, mail, emails, or social media sites. Following the victim to work, school, home, or other places where they frequently visit.Repeatedly sending the victim unwanted gifts. Posting information, or spreading rumors"

Not at all stalking. Bothers me that she said that to you.

Time to head out to physical therapy appt then I need to get some laundry started when I get back, and maybe go to the grocery store so I can do some cooking later today.

Sessions that fall on anniversary dates are a double edged sword. It is beyond strange when the words I hear coming from my mouth don't match my felt experience. I know that after fourteen years, I 'should' be doing more than inching towards acceptance, only to be pummelled anew by successive Aprils.

'I believe that Chris wouldn't want me to experience her death as some kind of life sentence.'

R: 'I think that's more than a belief. I think you know that, based on your experience with her.'

Is it possible for all of these things to be true? As ever, the revelation comes before a scheduled break (just a week).

Well done for thinking ahead.

Thank you! I didn't even think to look up the definition. That makes me feel a whole lot better.


Thanks QM.


She had to have been joking. It makes no sense otherwise.

I don't think this is a should moment. You need as long as you need Lost.

Glad I could help if even in a teeny way.

Artie, I imagine your T was joking. And if that makes you a stalker, then I am one as well. Though I'm more likely to look at the site where Dr. T has a sports psychology column (including pics of him) because the photo on his professional website doesn't look like him at all.

So I reinstated my session with Dr. T tomorrow (he confirmed that he put it back on the books). I realized after talking with a friend that I was more likely to regret cancelling the session than to regret keeping it. So...to revive a term that QM used the other day, pocket riders at 1 pm tomorrow are welcome. Note that you'll be in my bedroom, as that's where I meet with T virtually (door to close). Please excuse the mess, and feel free to bring refreshments. Just try not to spill them on the bed.

You'll also need a "don't jump on the bed" sign for Una.

Art, my kids (and I, because of their repetition) refer to looking at things online as stalking. My oldest said she was "stalking Torrid's website waiting for something to go on sale." I say "I'm stalking the mailman" when I order stuff and check the tracking progress while I anxiously await my package, pray it doesn't get routed through a weird hub, and snatch it off the porch before the porch pirates get to it. My youngest said she was stalking her friend's Instagram for cat pictures.

Maybe it was a joke that fell flat?

But you absolutely don't have to beat yourself up for looking at her public profile, so please take it easy on yourself.

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Thanks for the good thoughts couch. I'm home, work all caught up, and prepared to nap. My daughter feels better already, thank goodness.

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We have a mystery at our house currently. I recently started cross stitching again, and when I’m finished for the time I wrap up my project with the needle in it, still threaded. I opened up my project today and the needle was nowhere to be found. H and I are keeping our shoes on and I hope the cat doesn’t find it first. I’m out until this evening and when I get home there are a couple of other places I thought to search.

My sister used to put needles in this chair at our grandparents' house so that I would sit on them.

Artie, that seems like a careless remark on the part of your therapist. I doubt she considers you an actual stalker.

Youre too funny! Im glad it went well. I remember mine. Its like, theres geography there?!