Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

So yesterday, while talking with D and H to my parents on FaceTime, I was talking about wanting to wait to get together until H and I were fully vaxxed (in a few weeks) and then feeling a little unsure depending on location because D can't get vaxxed (like not wanting to meet inside a restaurant and maybe being selective about where we meet outside). My mom said to D, "You should yell at your mom to get her to make plans for us to get together." I was sort of speechless, and H told her not to say that.

I told Dr. T about it today, and he said, "We have a term in psychological circles for acting like that. It's called being an asshole." Which I appreciated.

Going to try talking to my mom about it this week (he said it's a good opportunity to stand up for myself to her), but just thought you'd be amused to hear his "psychological evaluation." Note: It wasn't that she expressed wanting to get together, it was that she was trying to use my 9-year-old daughter to convince me of something. While I was sitting there. Instead of just saying it to me directly.

There's also the element of my pandemic-induced agoraphobia (not just about fears of COVID, but fears of being in public, interacting with people, etc.), which he suggested I talk to her about, as a way of addressing my anxiety with her as an adult (vs. as a child, when she wouldn't listen).

Artie, if you contact her, it won't be "breaking down." It will be reaching out to make sure you're not misinterpreting something she said. The way you worded it, it suggests you think you'll be weak if you reach out. From things I've learned from Dr. T, it can actually be good to check in with someone if you're uncertain. Rather than just sitting there being worried or blaming yourself.

This would be an excellent novel opening.

The great thing is you can look at it all you want and she'll never know unless you tell her. I wouldn't stop looking at it if it affects you positively to do so.

I get blood work done about every 4 months and I am not squeamish about shots. I don't know why I got nauseated. It passed after about half an hour. I was a little worried about eating but it was okay. I did have some gastro-intestinal distress later that same day but I don't know if it was from the shot or something I ate. In any case, a little medication fixed me right up and I feel fine except for a sore shoulder. If that is the worst of the side effects, I'll be glad. I heard the second shot is worse but IDK. I'll find out. My parents both had Pfizer and besides a sore arm they were both okay. So I am hoping for the same response.

My arm was sore on Fri and Sat from moderna but was fine by sunday

If hemingway lived on long island.

Was thinking more the Kansas prairie.

Did you see the Hemingway PBS special last week? It did not improve my opinion of him as a human being.

I've never much cared for Hemingway's writing. I don't know anything about him personally. My Mom likes.....what is it......I think it's The Old Man and the Sea. I didn't care for it.

The Old Man And The Sea is the classic Hemingway text. I liked it when I read it, but I've only read it once.

We read Fitzgerald and Twain and Steinbeck and Kerouac in school but we never had to read Hemingway. I liked Fitzgerald and Kerouac the best.

Y’all, I’m spiraling pretty bad.

HUGS @chihirochild

My favorite Hemingway story is The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber. I thought it was very funny. For sparseness I still go to Raymond Chandler or Dashiell Hammett

I’m pretty bummed, I just learned someone I spent a good deal of time with 6-7 years ago (we shared a hobby that he was a big local participant in) died in December. I knew from Facebook he’d been sick (pancreatic cancer) but last I saw he’d had good news.

I’m getting back into the hobby now and learned from another enthusiast today that he’d died. Booo.

Lots of people go around talking about what A Good Person they are, but this guy didn’t have to, it was obvious to everyone who met him.

HUGS @@ I'm sorry your friend passed. It isn't the same but I hope you make new friends now that you are getting back into the hobby, if you want to.

He never should have made that comment to you. I'd be hurt and pissed all at the same time. He'd probably be getting a between-session email from me. He needs to own up to his (really bad) misstep and fix this.

I totally agree (though not holding my breath on him fixing anything), but he’s basically set this up so that if chihiro reaches out she’s making him responsible for her mental health, which is his complaint.

It’s very wily. And it makes me mad.

It is so effing wily. If I reach out, I’m not taking responsibility. If I cancel my next session, I’m acting out. If I tell him I feel hurt by what he said, I’m playing the victim. I can’t f***ing win.

Is anyone experiencing COVID anxiety? My anxiety specifically centers around the vaccine. Whenever I hear about it on the news, read something about it, talk to someone about it, I feel my body instantly tense up. I was scheduled to get the J&J tomorrow, but I needed to ultimately reschedule. I’m getting it now on Wednesday.

However, my H is encouraging me to cancel the appointment and wait until I can find either the Pfizer or Moderna, as news is coming out that it’s having similar issues that the Astra Zeneca has with the blood clotting. When he called me to tell me this, I instantly went into a full fledged panic attack. I have serious reservations about getting the vaccine in the first place. Not because I think that the government is going to microchip me or inject me with 5G or whatever, but I feel like there’s a level of risk associated that makes me really uneasy. If it wasn’t just released and there were some longitudinal studies about long term effects I’d feel more comfortable. But because of the circumstances we’re all just kind of jumping into the unknown. And I’m pretty risk adverse to begin with. I got mad at H when he told me that he invested in Bitcoin despite its current track record.

In amusing anecdotes about the vaccine, my therapist said the most problematic symptom he had was the injection site pain. He said the first one felt like he had gotten kicked in the arm by a Shetland pony, while the second one felt like he’d been kicked in the arm by a large white horse. I thought that the color was an odd detail but he said that he was thinking of a specific horse breed. I think my therapist may be a Horse Girl.

I'm sorry for your loss @@.

You deserve a better T C.

Leaving will be hard, but it would be better than constantly being hurt by him.

hugs, chihirochild.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, @@.

The Johnson & Johnson is based on established vaccine technology. The Moderna and Pfizer are based on newer technology that hasn't been used in vaccines before. Maybe it would make sense to stick with the tried and true?

I got the Pfizer, but I live on the edge. Ha ha That is so not true!

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