Feelings about the AbusivePDoc

Trigger alert +++++++
Just read the therapist who ‘exploited’ me passed away.
‘Exploit’ doesn’t even feel like the right word- he hurt me much, much more than that.
I feel bitterness and hatred.

If an abuser you knew passed away...what did you do? How did you feel?

This must be bringing up all kinds of pain, pre. I'm sorry.

I'm not actually in this situation, but sometimes I fantasize about 2ex dying and it feels cathartic, like a release. Like another kind of closure besides emotional.

Thank you.
I thought I would feel relief?
Maybe a feeling of relief will come later.

Having all kinds of feelings... hate, anger.
My mind is even coming up with stupid unfunny jokes:

When he first got into trouble the medical board discovered many of the addresses they had for him were no good or didn’t exist. Or, when they tried to serve him by certified or registered mail, it was never picked up.
...well, they should be able to find him NOW...

I know.

I am sorry this is happening!! I have not actually had it happen YET how ever it will something I have discussed with T because abuse is in his 80s and not in the veat health. She said it will likely be very emotional but mixed emotions: some relief, anger, sadness along with having painful reminders of the abuse. Mine is a family member and most people do not know the abuse so I will also have to act like the loving family member and feeling thr sadness of my children who love the person and are oblivious to what happened.

Had an online therapy appointment with T today and we talked about it.
Will probably talk about it several more times.

Having many conflicting feelings.
Upset that, had this Pdoc and the previous Pdoc been mentally stable, ethical, boundaried, out for my best interest and not narcissistics or sociopaths...maybe they could have HELPED me.
But they both made it about sex...one Pdoc especially worse than the other. And they both made it about *their needs and wants.*
That’s not what I was looking for and not what I needed.

What a bunch of wasted money. What a bunch of wasted energy and TIME. I could have been SO much farther ahead....in dealing with my chronic depression, healing from childhood traumas, maybe made peace with my parents. Maybe they could have helped me understand more about myself..and my strengths and weaknesses.
Maybe they could have helped me live better in this world.
What a waste.

I don’t drink, so I’ve decided to to stay medicated the rest of the day.

I felt hateful and most of all I feel RELIEF. Finally, he was no longer able to hurt children or anyone else.

The doctor who abused me is still alive and his career is thriving. He now has a national profile. I have frequent and recurring dread about him retiring (on a very generous pension) without me reporting his abuse. He would no longer be professionally accountable and that makes me angry and sickened. If I am not going to report him (and this looks increasingly likely as the years tick by), I need to reconcile myself with the terrible reality that he won't face justice and that will be my fault for not reporting him.

So it's not the same as your situation, but it feels like there are some similarities around endings, accountability, reconciling present with past. I hope you are keeping ok amongst the angst of it.