Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

Wow, I wouldn't know how to respond to Info either (especially if she said it while she was wearing a shirt tucked into leggings...).

You make a good point about the "keeping score" thing. Before I read your post, I was having this thought (and started to type up an email addendum about it, then quickly deleted it) that it was like starting next month, he's charging me more to care and support me the same amount.

And good point on shaking hands or hugging. Plus, even if it was a risk, isn't it being in close proximity (within 6 feet) for 15 minutes or more? A handshake or hug would presumably be like 30 seconds (maybe a warmer hug could be like a minute? I'm not really a hugger...)

Plus, at one point, Dr. T told me he immediately goes and washes his hands after shaking hands with a client anyway. Which felt a bit...odd.

I hope the rental assistance works out--that's a lot of money!

And I'd try to take L's word that she has it built into her practice. Dr. T has said similarly, and from things I've read, therapists who offer a sliding scale set up their fees that way, where they know that not every client will pay the full fee.

I am 54 and i watch those only since i got a Switch and its mainly to find out if the game i am interested in is worth buying. I guess i was a little dis appointed that the tv show had no real commentary but i went back and watched awhile. It was hosted by a well known comedian in my country and looked like he was struggling to say something interesting.

Yes that is also why i watch.

After my bout of anxiety yesterday i didnt get the best sleep and from 1am to about 3:30 am my cat kept poking me in the face so i talked to him and when i started dozing off he would poke me in the face. Then i went into a deep sleep and slept past 7 am and i am feeling really groggy now.

I'm sorry you are feeling groggy. My cat Esther will poke me in the face if she is hungry. Usually on my nose. She will head butt me if she wants to be petted. Bossy little thing!

So, we did actually end up talking about some of those topics. I can technically afford, at least for a bit, continuing to do 3 times a week at this rate (thanks, stimulus payment). But I was saying how much of it was making decisions between therapy vs. other things. Though I said maybe it's good if I'm making those decisions. Because it's helping me determine what priority to put on therapy. And could help push me toward reducing sessions (Dr. T specifically clarified that he wasn't trying to push me into reducing sessions with the rate going back up, that he's fine with me continuing at this frequency).

But I did talk about my fear in reducing sessions. And wondering whether it's a need vs. a want right now. Like, have I just gotten used to this frequency? I said how some weeks, it will be session day, and I'll think, "I could have waited another day." But then other weeks, I'll want an extra or earlier session.

He said how I'd done well at twice a week for a long time. That he felt I could do that again. I said how if I went back to Monday/Thursday, it's not the stretch from Monday to Thursday I was concerned about, but over the weekend.

But then I said how much of that was due to how things have been during the pandemic. That weekends weren't much different from other times. How if I start going back into the "real world," that I'll be doing things on weekends again (even just going out to dinner with H, whether with D, or with her spending the night at a grandparent's). And that I'll start doing things like going to yoga class again, meeting a friend for lunch. How there could be things that would take the place of a T session.

But how right now, it's been over a year into the pandemic, so it's difficult to believe those things will happen, to remember how it was when they did. That Dr. T is one of my connections to the outside world right now. That I worry about losing that (with the current frequency).

And we discussed possible ways to work toward reducing sessions, but didn't really come up with good solutions. Like wouldn't want to try to set a deadline, as that would cause me stress. Though, there's the financial aspect... I guess I hope that as I start venturing back into the world, I won't feel the need to see him as much? Or that I'll want to spend the money on other things? I don't know...

I wish T where i lived offered sliding scale. The first uncomfortable discussion i had with my exT was asking for a reduced rate but i obviously didnt ask it properly because he thought i was asking for free sessions and then i felt guilty for that.
Is it because as kids we were told not waste money like turn the lights out it costs money etc.

I have a coffee now so it should kick in soon and the dogs want breakfast so they sitting here whining at me.

I also dreamed about my contact lenses. I havent worn contacts for a long time as i nearly lost the sight in one eye from an infection. The contacts in my dream were huge like the size of hand which makes me wonder if i had large eyes in my dream as it looked i was viewing everything through a fish eye lens

Oh Scarlett i really want to strangle your husband. I hope everything works out

I wanted to know if my daughters friends mother realised that she was invited to the restaurant as well. She offered her place for the party . I sent her a message saying just making sure you are coming to the restaurant as well and she hasnt answered. I wouldnt worry otherwise but she is a good friend of my ex (he asked her out after we separated but i guess she isnt into older men) I feel like they would talk about me and normally i wouldnt worry but for some reason it really does. I dont contact my ex at all and only communicate if he contacts me and i try to keep the conversations neutral. I am also worried he might move back here as at the moment he is looking after his elderly parents 4 hours away but he said he hurt his shoulder and both of them had falls and i guess i just took that and ran away with it. I have never been happier since he moved away, i dont want him coming back and trying to take care of me again.

@@ maybe Info is an alien. She only knows clothes from the 1960's, and she talks kinda "im rubber, youre glue".

I would venture to guess it is for me. When I was a kid we weren't even allowed to open the freezer to get ice cubes to put in a glass of water without permission.

I just went through 2 more boxes of stuff and threw a lot of it away again. I did pack up a smaller box of stuff that my son might want. Which made me all sad and sentimental about him as a kid. I so miss being his mommy, he's all grown up now and doesn't need me anymore. I'm done going through stuff today.

I have just realised what my anxiety is probably about. What if my ex wants the ngagement ring he bought me when we first got engaged, that was 13 years before we got married. I did pawn that as i was seriously short of money one week. I will just say i cant find it i might of lost in all the moving i did.

My T offered a fist bump.

Regarding money and therapy, I feel terrible being on sliding scale even though I need it. Even though I know it's not my duty to provide for my adult siblings, I remember all the guilt trips since young where I saved up every cent for something I wanted, while my brothers got whatever they wanted.

I am not sure that newer houses always have fewer issues than old houses. My house is over 100 yrs old and I had to update stuff like the electricity and plumbing when I bought it, but my parent moved into a brand new condo and he has had plumbing leaks that destroyed his hard wood floor, his fancy toto toilet went kaput, their hvac failed and had to be replaced, and so on. My sibling has had more trouble with the home he had built 18 years ago than I have had with mine.

I would have gone ballistic at such an insane statement

i am really struggling tonight.

I am sorry you are struggling. Would you like to talk about it? I am here not doing anything much (as Usual)

Inane statements are so common from her that I just let them roll off me most of the time, but this was way out there.

I'm just feeling so bad about what my mom said the other day. I finally told her about how we're looking at moving soon. Her response was and I quote "You have got to be kidding me!" said in a very derogatory tone. I almost started bawling on the spot but somehow managed not to. She now has me questioning everything that my h and I are working toward. I'm 58 years old and she makes me want to curl up in a ball and H let me cry about it later thankfully. Reading it here I'm feeling really stupid for caring this much what she thinks. But my whole life she's had this power over me to just decimate me with a few words. Why do I let her get to me so much? I'm not her, my h is not my dad, our life is not what her and my dad's life was. I am so, so, so, so tired of being afraid of disappointing her. So I'm doing something to better my life and waited to tell her because i knew she was going to react like this, and it's just killing me. I can't stand it. Sorry to babble on.

I know this is so stupid and that other people have worse problems than this and I shouldn't even be bothering anybody with it.

I'm gonna go wash my hair maybe that will make me feel a little better.