Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

227 is a safe prime number, and I thought a lot of us could do with a safe place right now.

Thanks for the new couch Lost. I'll be checking the clock for the next 2 hours and saying "If I fall asleep now I'll get x more hours of sleep." Boo, insomnia.

Hope everyone else is resting.

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I'm having a terrible time. I'll be ok, I'm just trying not to drown in my current grief.

I was wondering to myself why I have been feeling too unsafe to share anything to my abuse support group. Why 1 person triggers me intensely.

Turns out I was dreading her responses to my pain. She tends to relate anything shared by anyone to her own experiences. That happens to almost every message. Apparently I wasn't the only 1 who closed off.

Nothing wrong but I can't really handle a lot of notifications because she's writing a lot on whatever. I've notifications muted but her replying multiple times to 1 item from me = I get all those notifications.

Group facilitator basically had to spell it out "Validate without relating everything shared to your own experience." Group facilitator pointed out that folks are grieving their trauma, and they don't feel validated when she just doesn't acknowledge what they say, and just goes on about herself.

I'll be ok. I just feel really fragile. I feel awful that I'm feeling so fragile.

Lost, thanks for the new safe couch!

Ok i dont watch much tv anymore and this afternoon proved why. A show where teams build lego things i dont really know what or why, after 20 seconds i changed channels

Really struggling. I finished therapy last week which was really hard, but my therapist said she would help me complain to my local hospital about a very bad experience I had last week (because if it comes from her it is less easy for them to just blame it on my being hysterical and overreacting


I emailed her my account of what happened last week and... nothing. She hasn't even acknowledged my email.
I know she isn't my therapist any more, and she has other clients but she offered to do this and now I just feel forgotten about and it hurts

Hugs. Can you send a follow-up? She did offer, and it makes sense you're hurting.

Thanks for the new couch! And hugs to all who want.

You can receive from other sources if your ex-therapist is not helping you. PALS are a service which can support patients with NHS complaints:

What is PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service)? - NHS

They might have more specific and speciality knowledge than your ex-therapist.

Apparently a big thing now (among teens maybe?) is...watching other people play video games. Which seems really boring!

My grandson said we watch people play baseball, football... and so on... even golf and bowling... so what's weird about them watching other people play video games. He didn't even bring up the cooking or home improvement shows... Which he loves to watch cooking shows too.

I kind of see his point... I still don't see watching other people play video games very exciting for most games. Then again, I don't watch bowling or golf... or baseball either. I will watch curling. So who knows why something is entertaining to one and not others.

I watch streams of people gaming often. There's some games where I'm not good enough to be a pro player, but like to watch the games for the entertainment value (similar to why some people like to watch soccer I guess). There's also some people that are just enjoyable to watch, they might do things like play through the whole game with their eyes closed or some of them set challenges for themselves like completing the game as quickly as possible. I don't have time to get to a level where I can do these things in all those games, so it's fun to watch sometimes.

My partner loves these. Those he watches have some form of appealing commentary that adds to the experience. For certain games like "Among Us", it can be very funny.

I don't watch because I don't often have energy but I liked watching with him when I was visiting.

There are many video games I don't own or don't have the ability to play or have a group to play with. I can barely manage Fallout Pen and Paper with my friends because they love multi hour sessions and I get way too tired.

Partner also loves Critical Role, a Dungeons & Dragons show with professional voice actors. I however don't have the stamina to watch long videos, however entertaining.

You all are probably tired of hearing this from me, but I'm really struggling and could use some support.

Our finances/savings is dwindling. If our spending stays the same, we probably only have a few months left I won't even say what H recently bought, but it's frivolous. We didn't need it. I know I need to work on my spending too. L says my spending is for others (i.e. birthdays and holidays), and for my betterment (i.e. tattoo). H's spending is based upon selfish reasons, just because he wants the newest and best thing.

Anyways, I'm just so upset looking at our bank account. Even with H having a job, it's not enough.

Oh, and we applied for rental assistance, but got denied. We are going to appeal it because they only looked at current income and not income during the times we're asking for assistance.

I'm scared and struggling with all this. And H doesn't even know how bad it is, so I'm dreading having the conversation with him. I'm afraid he'll tell me to reduce down again with L. She's my main support! And has helped me so so much. I'm going to try to stand my ground to keep her, but it's going to be hard.

I think my BF might be finally starting to “get” my mental health stuff.

Last night we were talking about how I feel insecure about our relationship sometimes, and he said, “babe, you have no reason to feel insecure.” And I said, “I know. This is not necessarily about reason. This is about me feeling a particular way despite knowing that the feeling is unreasonable. This can happen when children grow up in an environment with volatile adults — in childhood, it was adaptive for me to be extremely sensitive and reactive to other people’s moods. Even though that behaviour is no longer useful to me, it is now hard-wired.”

And he started to say, “just try to think positively,” which is something he has said before in these sorts of situations, but I put my hand over his mouth and said, “[BF’s name]. Listen to me. I am very smart and very capable.” And he wriggled his mouth free and said, “I know that!” but I put my hand back over his mouth and said, “if it were that easy, I would have done it already.” And then he shut up and I saw a look of dawning comprehension in his eyes.

He was quiet for a bit, and then asked, “so what can I do to help you feel less insecure?” I said, “I don’t think that you need to do anything differently at baseline. But when I come to you and say, “[BF], I am having one of those moments when I am feeling insecure about our relationship,” it would be helpful if you could reassure me that things are okay then and pat me on the head, and then I will feel better.” He said, “aww” and squeezed me. I said, “is that something you’re willing to do?” And he said yes.

I dunno; we’re certainly not all the way there, but it feels like a start.

Thanks for the new couch, Lost!

That's a really good point...I watch my share of sports (mostly football, with a bit of baseball and college basketball on occasion. And like the Olympics). And things like cooking shows at times. (Not so much home improvement ones, but those are really popular, I know.)

I know I've mentioned this on here before, but it's relevant. Dr. T is a sports psychologist (plus a regular licensed psychologist), but he's said he doesn't like watching sports. That he likes to be involved somehow, whether playing, coaching, something like that. I asked if he even likes watching the sport he plays, and he said not really. So I guess that's similar to the video game thing.

And I guess if it's a particular video game that the person plays, maybe they could learn tips or something. Sort of like cooking shows.

Aw, that does sound encouraging, Chihiro. I think you explained it in a good way. Plus letting him know that it's not really about him.

Hugs, Scarlet, of course we're not tired of hearing from you. Could you sit down with H and show him the finances? Or is he not someone who would understand, looking at the numbers? It wouldn't be fair for him to tell you to reduce with L if he's doing frivolous spending.

Is there anything you can do to bring in a little money? I know you're on disability, but something like...I don't know, dog walking or house sitting? Or do some sort of craft, sell it on Etsy? Or I don't know what other skills/knowledge you have, whether you could work on something from home part time.

I don't watch much tv or go to movies. I am not that visual and I get bored by it pretty quickly. I will wait for movies I like (mockumentaries/comedy mostly) to come out on tv, but even then I don't sit and watch them - I usually put the movie on and then do other stuff with it in the background. I don't watch sports/games unless someone else wants to watch it and I am horrified by reality tv. I don't mind playing sports but I don't understand most video games or how to play them.

It’s not snowing here. Also I saw galoshes tucked under her desk.

She told me to watch some movie called “The Kid” starring Bruce Willis. Never heard of it, has anyone?

I unexpectedly have the rest of the day off, they offered if anyone wanted to take PTO so I did. Woohoo! I just cooked breakfast for me and H and he's watching the Giants game on tv. Maybe I'll crochet for a bit. Crocheting with baseball on tv takes me back to sitting with my grandma a long time ago while we both crocheted and my grandpa watched baseball. I need to finish my brother's slippers and then make a pair for his wife. Late birthday gifts for both of them (his was in Feb, hers was earlier this month). Actually I also need to spend some time starting to clean out and organize closets. We're still looking at moving at some point in the not too distant future and I don't want to bring a bunch of junk I don't need to the new place.

It's not snowing here either, although it's very windy today! We have a red flag warning (for strong and gusty winds) until 8pm tonight. It's 80 degrees F though.

I would not react well if my partner placed her hand over my mouth during a discussion about how we communicate.

Yeah, I realized the stupidity/irony as soon as I did it. But paradoxically it worked?

I don’t plan to ever do it again, though. I think that’s one of those, “you get one” things.