Therapy is like prostitution - selling fake love

Just like the title says.
Therapist doesn't really care, we're just a job. All of their "love and care" is simply a part of their job. You're paying them to receive a speck of care and attention which don't really exist. It's actually pretty depressing and humiliating. I feel like I'm paying a prostitute just to feel something not real, while being desperately and forever alone with all my problems.

I'm so sorry that your experience of therapy has led you to that conclusion. It's so sad when a therapy relationship causes more issues than it solves It sounds like you were let down really badly. I know it probably feels hopeless now but there are very different therapists out there to what you describe who do care deeply (whether or not they use the term love), are invested in you as a person, and are genuine. It's a sad fact that therapists need money to pay the bills like everyone else, but it doesn't make their care less real. It's like any other profession - there's good and bad apples and everyhing in between. It sounds like you've had a really bad experience which is awful. I hope you find a way forward that works for you, whether that's to search for another therapst or find some other way to manage. Thinking of you.

OP I'm sorry for what you're feeling. I sadly concur that therapy does feel like this for me too. So much so that I am rethinking if I even want to do it as a career anymore. Systemic changes need to happen in this field. Back to you seeker33, I hope you are able to find other ways to heal. Therapy isn't the only way. Take gentle care of you.

That's interesting, are you a therapist? What does it feel like from the other side?

No I'm not a therapist. I'm currently doing my internship (I'm from South Africa). I've just become very disallusioned. There's also a personal take on this analogy to me but I'd rather discuss that over PM not on the board if you want to know more.

I understand and agree that therapists intentionally try to set up an illusion. I never found a therapist to be caring or even really paying that much attention to the client. I think they are snake oil peddlers and grifters.

There is no one size fits all. All of my teen years I worked as a summer camp counselor. I was paid for the work and I could not have worked there, had I not been paid. Completely aside from the money I cared about the children. Of course, there were some I especially bonded with. 40 years later I still think of some of them and wonder how they're doing, what they're doing... I happened to run into a former "camper" who had been in my group when she was 5 years old. Now she's in her 40's and has her own daughter! I was overjoyed to run into her.

Just because someone is paid for a job certainly does not mean they don't really care.

I’ve not experienced therapy is about care and love? It’s about helping you be better, giving you coping skills to better yourself. Where does love come into it, that’s twisted thinking.

I was not aware of wanting their love and care, but it's what seemed to be offered and I came to expect/want. It filled a need, perhaps, that I was not aware of either. After more than 50 years of therapy, off and on, the last therapist terminated me after 6 years of therapy, saying that she did not "have the emotional resources" to continue. It was devastating -- but perhaps not a lot moreso than my years of fantasy and illusion believing that therapy was "helping", which led up to that perhaps inevitable result.

You're right, it's not love, it's prostitution. But the way they present themselves it can seem like real caring -- most especially to people who didn't have a lot of real caring in their early life, and hence end up in therapy, and so both crave it and don't know the real thing from the fake. And the fake provides an illusion, and so we keep on going. . . Maybe for some people it can be like a sex therapist, helping people to better experience the real thing. But it didn't work for me and I didn't know that's what they were doing, or trying to. So, to me, it feels like a con.

It's a pretty bad situation IMO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’ve not experienced therapy is about care and love? It’s about helping you be better, giving you coping skills to better yourself. Where does love come into it, that’s twisted thinking.

I agree. Although I will say that to me, it is a loving gesture when someone patiently helps someone else learn to cope better.

Therapists are not like prostitutes in that prostitutes serve a one-time purpose. Therapists work slowly, over time. Besides, prostitutes and other sex workers also have a very valid purpose for some people. I don't know. The comparison is odd, apples and oranges.

Also, therapy is what the client makes of it. Therapists can't fix us, we fix ourselves through hard work, with the therapist's guidance.

Prostitution is not bad or wrong - I am a fan of COYOTE - and the people in that field don't lie about what it is. Also, people working in that field actually do something which is more than one can say about therapists. The therapists sit there and do nothing and people fall for their manipulations -parroting back the lies and self serving propaganda the therapy machine told them - proselytizing acolytes. The Emperor's New Clothes.

I am sorry that has been your experience with therapy. I have not had that same experience, certainly not from every therapist I worked with.

I did not go to therapy seeking love. I was seeking help and support while I worked through the issues I needed to. I absolutely expected caring and would not have worked with a therapist that exuded a lack of care for me as his client. My therapists were very skilled and effective in supporting me and guiding me beyond the issues that were holding me back in my life.

I will say that, even though I didn't seek love, I know in retrospect that their depth of caring and support demonstrated love to me (but therapist love - that's really all I would have ever expected). I have maintained lasting friendships with three of my former therapists over the period of decades. That does not come from a place devoid of care or love. I also realize that is perhaps an unusual experience for most clients.

Thank you for sharing your experience HT, you've described it EXACTLY! ❤️

I don’t think you’re necessarily wrong; some therapists really do just want money and/or something else that being a T gives them and aren’t focused on how they could genuinely help others. But there are therapists who care, a lot, and probably would do it for free if money were no object.
You can pay for sex, but you can’t pay for love (as in, caring and wanting the best for you even if you walk away from them etc).

not sure how i ended up in here but apparently it peaked my curiosity.


i've always wondered or questioned that, when a T says 'they care about you'. is that just the 'company line' they feed to their hundreds of clients??
or on the other side of things, if you just stopped showing up or weren't around, would they even notice? the idea of noticing one absent person in the massive group of hundreds (or more)... [implying that you actually meant something to them and they to you]


i've had mixed experiences, but most were not that good. and out of all of them, the one you'd least expect was the one who actually went way over-to-top for me all the time !!!!

The problem is that therapy is not about 'love'. It is not meant to be not advertises itself as such. And yes, for those decent professionals out there the caring (if present) is mostly limited. Because it is ultimately a job.

I have never thought about therapy as paying for love. I do believe the two I've seen do care. Not because they say the words but in their actions.

Working with therapists in my career and having friends who are therapists I know they usually DO care. Maybe for some clients it is better yo think they don't care.

Also, from my understanding there is no love or caring in prostitution but then again I have never been one...so what do I know?

I have known sex workers and they do have their favorite clients. I'm sure therapists feel the same way...just as teachers do, or anyone else. It's human nature to favor some over others.


When we come right down to it, the only person who (hopefully, if we're lucky) loves us unconditionally is Mom. Who else does? Our "favorite teacher" wouldn't be there if s/he wasn't being paid, either. We live, in the western world, in a capitalist society. People get paid to care enough to do their work. Fact.

I am so sorry you feel this way. I think going to therapy can teach us to love ourselves and maybe some therapist can help model what was missing in our lives or is missing. There are therapist out there like mine who offer compassion, care, and I know she loves working and helping each of her clients. I have had some awful therapist do the exact opposit and for me I made no progress.
There is nothing wrong with wanting this as a good therapist would understand and help you because they care deeply about there clients. Hugs

As a teacher, I can say I have multiple former students that I interact regularly with and have become friends with as they've become adults; I know I am not at all the only teacher who does this. No, I am not friendly with all of the several thousands of students I have taught in my career; that would be impossible, but there are definitely some former students who I have remained in touch with over the years. (And because this response really isn't just about teachers - I'm just bouncing off of your post), I think that is not unusual for most professions. The problem is generalizing broad, absolutes to an entire group of any profession or in thinking all clients would be thought of, or those relationships develop, exactly the same way. That's just not realistic.

Additionally, professional boundaries rightly limit the interactions with clients which can be perceived as not caring, even if that is not actually what is going on in every case. There are ethical and legal restrictions on those professional relationships for good reason. (And yes, of course there are professionals who don't give a flip no matter what the case - just like there are some family members who don't give a flip - some people are just jerks.)

But people can care beyond their paycheck, and often do. I don't find that at all unusual.

It's the generalizing that always rubs me the wrong way. Stereotyping is a dangerous game - I don't think most of us would want to be stereotyped into a box of traits. I try to be careful of that as a matter of respect for individual differences.

In my area, very few therapists make a good living. Many fo not get paid enough for all the work involved with being a therapist. The therapists who do make a lot of money, are those who do not accept I insurance which is very rare because I live in a state that is very poor.

If they are doing this job solely for the money they would be doing something different.

I don't think the analogy is valid. I worked with prostituted women and without exception these women were vulnerable and traumatised. Most women who sell access to their body do so out of necessity (to fund a drug habit, to appease their pimp, to feed their children, etc) and because they have severely limited choices. Women in these circumstances are not selling anything "fake", the appeal for men who pay to penetrate is the abuse of power. Of course there are exceptions, but on a global basis prostitution is about rape and sex trafficking, not the relative safety of webcam or escort work.

On the other hand, therapists are mostly middle class and cushioned individuals who can enjoy the luxury of choice. Clients might feel duped or manipulated, but this is due to the empowered nature of the therapist. I don't think most therapists are smart enough or invested enough to attempt to sell anything fake. I think many clients are vulnerable enough that we can misunderstand and misinterpret what the business of therapy is really about.

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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins As a teacher, I can say I have multiple former students that I interact regularly with and have become friends with as they've become adults; I know I am not at all the only teacher who does this. No, I am not friendly with all of the several thousands of students I have taught in my career; that would be impossible, but there are definitely some former students who I have remained in touch with over the years. (And because this response really isn't just about teachers - I'm just bouncing off of your post), I think that is not unusual for most professions. The problem is generalizing broad, absolutes to an entire group of any profession or in thinking all clients would be thought of, or those relationships develop, exactly the same way. That's just not realistic. Additionally, professional boundaries rightly limit the interactions with clients which can be perceived as not caring, even if that is not actually what is going on in every case. There are ethical and legal restrictions on those professional relationships for good reason. (And yes, of course there are professionals who don't give a flip no matter what the case - just like there are some family members who don't give a flip - some people are just jerks.) But people can care beyond their paycheck, and often do. I don't find that at all unusual. It's the generalizing that always rubs me the wrong way. Stereotyping is a dangerous game - I don't think most of us would want to be stereotyped into a box of traits. I try to be careful of that as a matter of respect for individual differences.

Good post. I entirely agree.

OP--even if something is "fake" or not what you want it can still be helpful. It just depends on what you do with it.

I understand that this is the general case. However, I have come to feel and experience the love from my T - something I never felt from my mother. Sure, we can argue that the T-s love can never be so unconditional as it can be from a mother. However, I don't think it's necessarily very far from that. Also, I don't think that unconditional love means seeing me for free, forever, putting up with anything etc etc. But I do feel in my heart that his man truly wants the best for me and puts in his own effort to make it happen. I also have no doupts that he will love me also after we have parted ways.